Nightmare Fuel: Parachuting Spiders Expected To ‘Colonize’ Entire East Coast

Do you hate spiders? There’s bad news for you, buttercup.

The University of Georgia says the Joro spider, which first arrived in the United States around 2013, is poised to spread from Georgia “through most of the Eastern Seaboard of the U.S.” and there’s nothing stopping these monsters — they’re actually harmless — from coming to a town near you in the very near future.

The Joro spider, which can tolerate cold weather, can grow to the size of a child’s hand and have the ability to parachute through the air and travel by wind.

While that’s straight nightmare fuel to the uneducated, the University of Georgia is here to tell you that these spiders don’t have fangs long enough to break through your skin.

“The spiders are relatively harmless to people and pets, making their presence more of a nuisance than dangerous,” Leigh Beeson from UGA Today, writes. “Joros won’t bite unless cornered.”

As you might expect, the Joro spider made its way to the United States on container ships and now it’s time to rock ‘n roll up the East Coast.

The Joro will use its silks to carry them as the wind blows. Southerly breezes will keep pushing them further north and there’s no stopping them, as far as researchers can tell.

Because Japan has a similar climate to the U.S., researchers believe these bad boys are ready to parachute north.

“Just by looking at that, it looks like the Joros could probably survive throughout most of the Eastern Seaboard here, which is pretty sobering,” Andy Davis of UGA’s Odum School of Ecology said.

But since they’re harmless, there’s no need to kill them. Let birds eat them. Let nature do its thing.

If you’re looking for good news in all of this, UGA reported in September that the Joro spider appears to be able to feed on stink bugs! That’s right, there might be a solution to stink bugs, but it’ll come in the form of spiders the size of your toddler’s hand.

Everything is fine.