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Nightmare Fuel: Parachuting Spiders Expected To ‘Colonize’ Entire East Coast

Do you hate spiders? There’s bad news for you, buttercup.

The University of Georgia says the Joro spider, which first arrived in the United States around 2013, is poised to spread from Georgia “through most of the Eastern Seaboard of the U.S.” and there’s nothing stopping these monsters — they’re actually harmless — from coming to a town near you in the very near future.

The Joro spider, which can tolerate cold weather, can grow to the size of a child’s hand and have the ability to parachute through the air and travel by wind.

While that’s straight nightmare fuel to the uneducated, the University of Georgia is here to tell you that these spiders don’t have fangs long enough to break through your skin.

“The spiders are relatively harmless to people and pets, making their presence more of a nuisance than dangerous,” Leigh Beeson from UGA Today, writes. “Joros won’t bite unless cornered.”

OutKick illustration / Getty Images

As you might expect, the Joro spider made its way to the United States on container ships and now it’s time to rock ‘n roll up the East Coast.

The Joro will use its silks to carry them as the wind blows. Southerly breezes will keep pushing them further north and there’s no stopping them, as far as researchers can tell.

Because Japan has a similar climate to the U.S., researchers believe these bad boys are ready to parachute north.

Invasive Joro Spider / Getty Images

“Just by looking at that, it looks like the Joros could probably survive throughout most of the Eastern Seaboard here, which is pretty sobering,” Andy Davis of UGA’s Odum School of Ecology said.

But since they’re harmless, there’s no need to kill them. Let birds eat them. Let nature do its thing.

If you’re looking for good news in all of this, UGA reported in September that the Joro spider appears to be able to feed on stink bugs! That’s right, there might be a solution to stink bugs, but it’ll come in the form of spiders the size of your toddler’s hand.

Everything is fine.

Written by Joe Kinsey

I'm an Ohio guy, born in Dayton, who roots for Ohio State and can handle you guys destroying the Buckeyes, Urban Meyer and everything associated with Columbus.

2 Comments

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  1. Here I am, all ready to make a pissed off comment on the nightmare fuel prices our pal President Useless and his minions are passing on to us and the blog was strictly about spiders. You got me Joe but I’ll still slip this in anyway. The skyrocketing gas prices aren’t because of Putin. Maybe a little bit in the past few days is but gas has been rising since Biden was “elected” because the market and the energy sector anticipated a hostile relationship with the incoming administration. Biden and his Ivy League “educated” cabinet members have been making adversarial moves towards big energy since day one. Banning Russian oil is going to hurt us not Putin. Putin will sell what we don’t buy to China. Europe is not stopping buying Russian oil and gas, they aren’t completely retarded like us who base our decisions off of Twitter. Our leaders are so incredibly incompetent it’s almost to crazy to believe. To be clear this is on both parties. Republicans and Democrats are in lockstep in driving America off a cliff at 100mph. Little Marco, Lindsey Graham, Mitch McConnell ,Elizabeth Warren, Eric Swalwell, Adam Schiff. All equally psychotic. We’ll be suffering the fallout from all of these decisions for decades if not forever. God help us.

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