Nick Saban Hates All Of Us, Episode One Billion

One of the best things about Nick Saban is that it seems he genuinely hates everyone. Alabama fans, media, probably his waiters and waitresses, the guy he buys bait from before he goes fishing, basically if you exist and you aren’t married to Nick Saban or one of his kids, I think he despises you. 

I can respect that. 

Lots of coaches hate everyone, but pretend to like them. 

Not Nick Saban. 

He just crushes people. 

If you doubt this, watch yesterday’s press briefing for the Alabama media. Look at these death stares that Saban gives out when reporters have the absolute gall to ask him questions about players on his own team who played in the game Saturday. 

Don’t you DARE ask a question about a player that Nick Saban doesn’t want you to ask about. 

Credit to long time Alabama beat writer Cecil Hurt, a really funny follow on Twitter, for prefacing his AJ McCarron question by pointing out that AJ had been there a long time. While the question fulfilled Saban’s question parameters, unfortunately Nick Saban doesn’t want to talk about AJ McCarron’s toe. Which he lets you know by the fourteenth death stare he uncorks.

The subtext to every Saban stare is clear, “If I thought I could get away with it right now I would choke you to death Darth Vader style and have my staff bury your body in the catacombs underneath my national title statue.”

And if you’re kind of laughing to yourself right now and thinking, “Clay’s just kidding, there really aren’t a bunch of people buried alive underneath Nick Saban’s statue,”

Sure, laugh it up.

And why don’t you show up at the next press conference and ask Nick Saban how his recruiting class is going.

But not before you’ve updated your will and told your family to expect you to disappear under mysterious circumstances.

By the way, this would be a next great book for me, embedding myself with the Alabama football program and asking Nick Saban questions that just flip him out at press conferences. Can you imagine how amazing all these clips would be put together in one YouTube clip? In the meantime, do not make Nick Saban MAD. Because if you do, he’ll turn into a pint-sized Incredible Hulk.

Written by Clay Travis

OutKick founder, host and author. He's presently banned from appearing on both CNN and ESPN because he’s too honest for both.