Nick Cannon Congratulates Fellow Cocksman Elon Musk As They Compete To Populate The World

With earth facing an underpopulation crisis that will place an incredible strain on the fast-food restaurant industry workforce, Elon Musk and Nick Cannon are officially embroiled in one of the great baby-producing celebrity battles this planet has ever seen.

It was announced this week that billionaire Musk secretly knocked up some neurotechnology company executive with twins that were born in November to give him nine humans on the board.

“Doing my best to help the underpopulation crisis,” Musk tweeted this week in response to the leak that the billionaire is closing in on double-digits. “A collapsing birth rate is the biggest dancer civilization faces by far,” Musk added.

Right there with you my Brother!✊🏾

— Nick Cannon (@NickCannon) July 7, 2022

“Right there with you my Brother,” condom protestor Cannon responded.

The 41-year-old entertainer is currently expecting a child with Johnny Manziel’s ex-wife and a child with OnlyFans star Abby De La Rosa. The child with De La Rosa will be his ninth, but in December he tragically lost his five-month-old son Zen to a brain tumor.

Cannon is on record saying that women started throwing sex at him to help him feel better after the loss of his son. “I got depressed with the loss of my son. So in December – the thing is everybody saw I was so down. So everybody was like, ‘Let’s just give him a little vagina, and that’s gonna cure it all,'” Cannon said recently on a Yee & Gigi podcast.

USA birth rate has been below min sustainable levels for ~50 years pic.twitter.com/v5PSLbvEAE

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) May 24, 2022

Musk has a similar story to Cannon. The 51-year-old future owner of Twitter, who has parented 10 children, lost his first child to sudden infant death syndrome. Like Cannon, he has a set of twins, but he has something in the baby-producing world that Cannon has yet to achieve. Elon has triplets.

The Tesla leader spent much of the spring tweeting about the United States’ birth rate.

“Contrary to what many think, the richer someone is, the fewer kids they have. I am a rare exception. Most people I know have zero or one kid,” Elon tweeted in May.

“Past two years have been a demographic disaster. I mean, I’m doing my part haha,” he added.

If one thing is clear between these gunslingers, it’s that they’re not done ignoring condoms and it doesn’t sound like either is interested in being snipped out of commission.

We’re clearly looking at a Sosa-McGwire battle for the ages.

Civilization sterilized

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) June 16, 2022