New Study Shows COVID Mask Lovers How To Look Even Dumber

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A study out of the University of Cambridge sought to lead a breakthrough study on making the pandemic an even greater living hell to live through than the one already promulgated by the liberal media.

Relayed by scientific journal Vice, the new study tested seven different ways to make the common (and useless) blue face coverings essentially less useless in their stoppage of the spread.

The hacks were used to tighten the cover on a person’s face, and the results were sickening.

Out of the several methods, which included wrapping rubber bands around one’s face, the pantyhose trick produced the best result.

Participants wore a typically porous pantyhose over their masks to keep the covering pressed as tightly as possible. Their experiment ultimately led to the desired outcome: “increased” mitigation of viral spread, albeit not substantially improved from the reported 10 percent protection that blue surgical masks offer, and appearing like a 100 percent d-bag rather than the 80 percent mark that the blue masks normally produce.

The study also concluded that people simply hated wearing the face-covering, which has been evident since March 2020.

“The pantyhose caused high levels of discomfort as well as issues speaking and occasional obstruction of the eyes,” Cambridge researchers noted. 

“For most of the hacks, comfort was a big issue. The rubber bands, for example, tended to put painful pressure on the ears and face to the point where they hindered circulation to the ears.

“However, using an effective but uncomfortable hack may make good sense in some high-risk situations, where the discomfort is worth it for the added protection, but it would be harder to wear these hacks day in and day out.”

Researchers were then tempted to instruct participants to walk off a cliff to test the stupifying levels of compliance.

Follow along on Twitter: @AlejandroAveela

Written by Alejandro Avila

Alejandro Avila lives in Southern California and previously covered news for the LA Football Network. Jeopardy expert and grumpy sports fan that has watched every movie.

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