New Orleans Police Issue APB For Teabagger

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The New Orleans police department has issued an alert seeking the arrest of the Alabama teabagger.

Here is that release:


Item: A-22598-12

Date/Time: January 9, 2012 @ 11:45 P.M.

Krystal Burger
116 Bourbon Street, New Orleans, Louisiana

Detective Corey M. Lymous
New Orleans Police Department

Wanted Subject: White male, approximately 5’7 to 5’11(height), medium build, unshaven facial hair, wearing a University of Alabama jacket, white shirt. 

On January 17, 2012 members of New Orleans Police Department, Sex Crimes Unit were made aware of a video posted on the internet. The video displayed the above male subject committing a sexual battery upon another male subject.

If you have any information regarding this incident please notify
Special Victims Unit Detective Corey M. Lymous at 504-658-5523 or anonymously to
Crimestoppers at 504-822-1111 or toll free at 1-877-903-7867.”

The release is significant for several reasons:

1. The teabagged LSU fan has probably come forward.

Up until now the New Orleans police department’s official stance has been that they were monitoring the situation but that no victim had come forward. Last night that stance changed.

2. The Alabama teabagger will be identified.

Given that several of the individuals in the video have already been identified, there is a 100% chance of this occurring.

As an aside, can you imagine what CBS is going to have to do to avoid teabag signs on air when Alabama comes to LSU next fall? Will there be a revenge teabagging in Baton Rouge? Can you even revenge teabag?

3. The LSU fan stands to make several hundred thousand dollars in civil lawsuit settlements from Krystal.

Trust me, Krystal will settle this case as rapidly as it can. The last thing the restaurant chain wants is a billion sackful jokes at its expense.

Raising the ultimate question, how much money would it take for you to agree to be teabagged while passed out like this LSU fan?

(Lots of you are probably thinking, “Hell, I got teabagged in the frat house back in 1999 when i passed out and didn’t get a damn thing.”)

4. Read the description: “White male, approximately 5’7 to 5’11(height), medium build, unshaven facial hair, wearing a University of Alabama jacket, white shirt.”

Yeah, that should narrow it down. To basically every Alabama fan in New Orleans that night.

Also, is he still wearing the same outfit? That would make sense.

5. Would you send the teabagger in jail if you were on a jury?

We tossed this open to callers on 3HL and there was almost unanimous agreement that, yes, the teabagger should go to jail.

But OKTC seemed more split on the issue.

If you still haven’t seen the initial teabagging video, you can click here.

Written by Clay Travis

Clay Travis is the founder of the fastest growing national multimedia platform, OutKick, that produces and distributes engaging content across sports and pop culture to millions of fans across the country. OutKick was created by Travis in 2011 and sold to the Fox Corporation in 2021.

One of the most electrifying and outspoken personalities in the industry, Travis hosts OutKick The Show where he provides his unfiltered opinion on the most compelling headlines throughout sports, culture, and politics. He also makes regular appearances on FOX News Media as a contributor providing analysis on a variety of subjects ranging from sports news to the cultural landscape. Throughout the college football season, Travis is on Big Noon Kickoff for Fox Sports breaking down the game and the latest storylines.

Additionally, Travis serves as a co-host of The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show, a three-hour conservative radio talk program syndicated across Premiere Networks radio stations nationwide.

Previously, he launched OutKick The Coverage on Fox Sports Radio that included interviews and listener interactions and was on Fox Sports Bet for four years. Additionally, Travis started an iHeartRadio Original Podcast called Wins & Losses that featured in-depth conversations with the biggest names in sports.

Travis is a graduate of George Washington University as well as Vanderbilt Law School. Based in Nashville, he is the author of Dixieland Delight, On Rocky Top, and Republicans Buy Sneakers Too.