New Orleans Police Issue APB For Teabagger

The New Orleans police department has issued an alert seeking the arrest of the Alabama teabagger.

Here is that release:


Item: A-22598-12

Date/Time: January 9, 2012 @ 11:45 P.M.

Krystal Burger
116 Bourbon Street, New Orleans, Louisiana

Detective Corey M. Lymous
New Orleans Police Department

Wanted Subject: White male, approximately 5’7 to 5’11(height), medium build, unshaven facial hair, wearing a University of Alabama jacket, white shirt. 

On January 17, 2012 members of New Orleans Police Department, Sex Crimes Unit were made aware of a video posted on the internet. The video displayed the above male subject committing a sexual battery upon another male subject.

If you have any information regarding this incident please notify
Special Victims Unit Detective Corey M. Lymous at 504-658-5523 or anonymously to
Crimestoppers at 504-822-1111 or toll free at 1-877-903-7867.”

The release is significant for several reasons:

1. The teabagged LSU fan has probably come forward.

Up until now the New Orleans police department’s official stance has been that they were monitoring the situation but that no victim had come forward. Last night that stance changed.

2. The Alabama teabagger will be identified.

Given that several of the individuals in the video have already been identified, there is a 100% chance of this occurring.

As an aside, can you imagine what CBS is going to have to do to avoid teabag signs on air when Alabama comes to LSU next fall? Will there be a revenge teabagging in Baton Rouge? Can you even revenge teabag?

3. The LSU fan stands to make several hundred thousand dollars in civil lawsuit settlements from Krystal.

Trust me, Krystal will settle this case as rapidly as it can. The last thing the restaurant chain wants is a billion sackful jokes at its expense.

Raising the ultimate question, how much money would it take for you to agree to be teabagged while passed out like this LSU fan?

(Lots of you are probably thinking, “Hell, I got teabagged in the frat house back in 1999 when i passed out and didn’t get a damn thing.”)

4. Read the description: “White male, approximately 5’7 to 5’11(height), medium build, unshaven facial hair, wearing a University of Alabama jacket, white shirt.”

Yeah, that should narrow it down. To basically every Alabama fan in New Orleans that night.

Also, is he still wearing the same outfit? That would make sense.

5. Would you send the teabagger in jail if you were on a jury?

We tossed this open to callers on 3HL and there was almost unanimous agreement that, yes, the teabagger should go to jail.

But OKTC seemed more split on the issue.

If you still haven’t seen the initial teabagging video, you can click here.

Written by Clay Travis

OutKick founder, host and author. He's presently banned from appearing on both CNN and ESPN because he’s too honest for both.