New Documentary Will Explore Whether Sharks Are Eating Cocaine Off The Coast Of Florida… In Case You Were Wondering

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The Cocaine Bear cinematic universe is expanding with news that “cocaine sharks” have been spotted off the coast of Florida.

It’s believed that thousands of sharks off the coast of the Sunshine State may have ingested bricks of cocaine.

So if this sounds like it’d be a perfect box office hit or SyFy channel schlock fest, it isn’t going to be (yet) but it is going to be the subject of a Shark Week documentary.

It’s not unusual for bales of cocaine to wash up on Florida beaches. That’s because smugglers sometimes leave the bales in the ocean for others in smaller motorboats to pick up.

So, if it’s floating in the ocean, it stands to reason that some of the local wildlife could be getting a taste.

This may also explain why that turtle had a straw up its nose that one time. Remember that? Everyone freaked and swore off straws.

Biologist Tom Hird is behind the documentary, titled Cocaine Sharks, because honestly, what else would you call it?

“The deeper story here is the way that chemicals, pharmaceuticals and illicit drugs are entering our waterways — entering our oceans — and what effect that they then could go on to have on these delicate ocean ecosystems,” Hird told Live Science.

I guess we’ll have to check it out to learn what Hird found, but I’m now horrified by the idea of coked-out sharks.

Think how scary Jaws was, now imagine if it wouldn’t shut up about how paranoid it was.


Follow on Twitter: @Matt_Reigle

Written by Matt Reigle

Matt is a University of Central Florida graduate and a long-suffering Philadelphia Flyers fan living in Orlando, Florida. He can usually be heard playing guitar, shoe-horning obscure quotes from The Simpsons into conversations, or giving dissertations to captive audiences on why Iron Maiden is the greatest band of all time.

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