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The CDC is in luck…it’s going to be so damn cold here I’m not leaving the house for the Super Bowl

The CDC is out with guidance on how to party for the Super Bowl, and the public health institute is now asking people who’ll attend parties to “avoid shouting, cheering loudly, or singing,” according to a list of recommendations on its website. “Clap, stomp your feet, or bring (or provide) hand-held noisemakers instead,” the experts say.

Here’s some good news, CDC. My ass will be firmly planted on that new couch we just bought for our basement. A year ago, I ended up at a party with 40 people crammed into a tight space, and I learned my lesson. I’m officially out on attending Super Bowl parties. I can’t hear a damn thing. I can’t get to the fridge without having to make small-talk with people I don’t know. I can’t get to the food without 15 suburban housewives talking about how their kids are doing in school. I can’t suck down Busch Lights without being judged by the craft beer crowd who have to one-up each other with their stories of smoking pork butts. It’s just not my thing anymore.

And I can’t think of a bigger disaster than trying to watch the Super Bowl in a random bar. I’ll gladly sit on the couch focused on every sweet word out of Jim Nantz’s mouth and Tony Romo making sounds like he’s about to blow up his house via a DIY electrical project.

The plan is to enjoy basement beers, maybe a plate of wings, and socially distance myself from any noise that isn’t out of the TV. COVID or not, that was the plan all along after the Chiefs won Super Bowl LIV.

• The Super Bowl get-in price on StubHub is under $5,000. This is an absolutely fascinating development. I remember being at Super Bowl 50, thanks to a single ticket from Bud Light, and people being offered $3,500 for singles. Here we are talking about a 22,000-seat Super Bowl featuring Brady and Mahomes, and $5,000 gets you in. It’s wild to think that’s even possible.

•  Did you see the Florida Man who took a Bucs flag to the top of Mt. Kilamanjaro? That’s how you go viral during Super Bowl Week.

• Andrew Luck rumblings? You hearing them? More on that later after I get Screencaps posted. This is a great week for some alleged text messages.

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Written by Joe Kinsey

I'm an Ohio guy, born in Dayton, who roots for Ohio State and can handle you guys destroying the Buckeyes, Urban Meyer and everything associated with Columbus.

5 Comments

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  1. Amen on the Super Bowl “parties”, I stopped doing them years ago. Bunch of housewives drinking Pinot and eating hummus dipped celery sticks, who wants that with their football? Give me a few of the fellas in the garage if the weather is good. If not, the family inside. Watch the game, tolerate the commercials for the Missus. But forget about hanging out with 20 mostly strangers to watch a game. That goes for all football games. No need to hang out with a bunch of people that want to bitch about their kids teacher or their jobs during a game.

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