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What a wild weekend. We all good? Everyone make it? We still kicking today? Anyone toss a couple beers at Morgan Wallen and live to tell about it?
Huh? Yeah, like I said, it was one hell of a weekend. You’ll see.
Welcome back to another week of Nightcaps! Hard to believe, but we’re nearing the two-month mark of this ride, and it’s been the rollercoaster in my life I didn’t know I needed.
Seriously, I HATE rollercoasters. Don’t like ’em one bit — never have, never will.
But we’re having fun here, right? I mean, how could you not?! What the hell else are you doing at 4 p.m. every day besides acting busy for one more hour before it’s finally socially acceptable to punch out and call it a day.
Anyway, all that to say we’re just getting started here and I feel like we’re about to kick it into high gear. We’re in the business of making headlines and making stars, and that’s what we’re gonna keep doing.
And speaking of making stars, anyone catch FAU Amanda over the weekend? No? Well, I’ll give you a refresher here in a minute. Elsewhere, we’ll check in with Morgan Wallen across the pond, put some ice on a couple fake testicles, and check in on the ballsiest wedding vow you’ll ever hear.
Not a bad way to start the final week of March, right? Grab a Busch Light — or Mic Ultra, to honor Kay Adams’ big weekend in Miami — and settle in.
Morgan Wallen kicks group out after beer shower
If we’ve learned anything over the past few years, it’s that Morgan Wallen is pretty much untouchable. He’s probably the biggest country star I can remember in a long, looooooooong time.
I’m talking Garth Brooks level of stardom right now. I know that’s a pretty big statement, but it’s true. Morgan wasn’t canceled a few years back for the you-know-what incident, and he’s bigger than ever right now. That’s not opinion, that’s fact. Look at the charts.
Anyway, Wallen was over in Melbourne, Australia over the weekend singing somewhere Down Under and happened to catch a couple beers to the face.
And, well, he laid down some American law.
No sir, not today, pal.
“One of y’all own up to this, or I’m going to kick the whole f**king group out. One of y’all go ahead and say, ‘I did it.’
Alright, kick that kid out of here then.”
That crap may fly in Australia, but it doesn’t work in the US of A, buddy. You wanna throw beer? Fine. You’re out!
Who does that? I don’t get it. For starters, beer prices are outrageous right now. You had a beer lately at a ballpark or concert? It’s insane. Simply can’t be wasting them like that, not in this economy.
Glad Morgan laid down the law, here. Let’s have some respect.
OK, fine. Mount Rushmore of Morgan Wallen songs!
- 7 Summers
- This Bar
- The Way I Talk
- Man Made A Bar
Admittedly, that’s a pretty rushed list and I’m not even sure I’m sold on it. If we’re being honest, I just didn’t have the time to really think about it. I’m sorry. Mondays are busy for me. Won’t happen again.
Kay Adams had herself a weekend in Miami at Ultra
From Melbourne, Australia to Melbourne, Florida! OK, not actually Melbourne, FL — about three hours south — but you see what I was trying to do, right?
Anyway, OutKick Queen Kay Adams decided to take a trip down south for a little Bachelorette party mixed in with some Ultra, and there were some obvious shenaningans.
Yours truly documented Kay’s dress malfunction on Saturday, so check that out for the long version. And while I punched out shortly after, Kay’s weekend was just getting started.
FAU Amanda deserves some attention
Good luck trying to knock Kay Adams off the top of the NFL Media Personality hill. I don’t see it happening for a long, long time.
While Kay was partying in Miami, Amanda Vance — another star I identified over the weekend — was up in Boca locked in on her FAU Owls.
And after the Owls shocked the world and advanced to the Final Four, our girl made the trip out to Arizona for a little birthday party.
Again, I documented the night here. Take a look and thank me later.
For those who don’t have time to click that link, here’s the aftermath of what looked like a great time in Scottsdale!
For those not familiar, Amanda Vance here is a super handicapper our of Boca Raton who is also an FAU alum. The OutKick research department tells me she’s been on quite the heater lately, while the OutKick Cultural Department tells me she’s been accepted into the class and passed with flying colors.
With FAU the talk of the town right now, I feel sure we’ll keep up with Amanda throughout the week.
Getting testy at JFK
All right, let’s take a pause from the OutKick stars and head to JFK — one of the most insufferable places on earth.
Fun fact: My wife and I once got stranded in JFK for an entire night. We missed our connection to Nantucket, stupidly walked OUT of the airport, got rebooked on a flight out the next morning, but because we already left the terminal we had to walk back through security, which we couldn’t do until six hours before our flight.
So we sat on the floor outside security for hours and hours and it was absolutely the most miserable experience ever. Fun times.
Anyway, at least I didn’t get punched in the balls!
As I said, it’s an absolutely insufferable place. From the Post:
A transgender woman was left in tears at JFK Airport after she claimed a TSA agent punched her in the testicles while she was going through security, the Daily Mail reported.
In a follow-up post, she said she was left crying for over an hour and said “my balls still hurt so bad,” according to a screenshot from the Daily Mail.
She does not want the TSA agent to be fired, she said in a separate post, but wanted “her educated and the entirety of tsa abolished altogether.”
What a WILD twist there at the end! I haven’t been bamboozled like that since The Departed!
It’s cool, she doesn’t need to be fired. Just maybe teach her a thing or two about what it means to be transgender and then, oh yeah, while you’re at it go ahead and ABOLISH THE ENTIRE TSA!
Could you imagine the chaos? Frankly, though, the way we’re going right now I could 100% see us abolishing the TSA in the name of inclusivity.
TikTok wedding vows and chaos in Philadelphia
OK, let’s mix a little Red Bull & Vodka and kick this thing into high gear before the pasta water boils over.
My wife actually sent me this earlier today and it blew me away. What would you do if you were at this wedding?
At first you want to laugh, but he just doesn’t stop. Even the audience starts off with a couple good, hearty laughs before it just turns into awkward silence halfway through.
And then, the real plot twist … that’s his MOM! Didn’t see that coming at all. Biggest plot twist since the tranny wanted the TSA abolished.
How about the end, too? I’m all for some dark humor that makes everyone a little uncomfortable, but goodness, what a kicker at the end.
Congrats to the happy couple!
I think we all need a little H20 after that wild ride, huh? Hope you don’t live in Philly!
In case you missed it, Philadelphia is in absolute chaos right now because the drinking water is unsafe due to a chemical leak. Whoops!
Anyway, it’s made local supermarkets look exactly how they look down here in Florida the day before a hurricane.
Pandemonium. Hope they all know about the ice bag hack, too. When everyone is out there wrestling for the last bottle of Dasani on Aisle 6, your butt needs to be over in the freezer section grabbing every last bag of ice you can.
Throw those bad boys in the tub, cover the drain and let it melt away. You just bought yourself a week. You’re welcome.
Is there a worse way to end spring training than what the Cardinals just went through?
On our way out … it’s opening week for Major League Baseball!
Finally. After a slog of an offseason, we’re back, baby! The World Baseball Classic was electric this month, and if that didn’t get your fired up for the season you should probably find another sport.
Anyway, we’ll get to the regular season in a few days. Before we do, did anyone catch the final score from yesterday’s Cardinals-Astros game.
No? Well, here you go!
Could you imagine a worse way to spend a Sunday afternoon that getting your heads beat in during a meaningless game to cap a long six weeks of spring training?
No shot I’d make it through that. I think I’d quit before sitting through nine innings of that torture. Hell, I did it for four years during college, and it left me scarred.
Nothing like a good-looking scorecard, though. It’s the simple things.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Think you can out-party Morgan Wallen or Kay Adams? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.