Mizzou Says Word Unisex Is Offensive

Not content with seeing freshmen enrollment decline 26.7% this year because of fake campus protests last year -- a decline in enrollment worse than Tulane had the year after Hurricane Katrina -- the University of Missouri's PC Bromani community has taken aim a new campus wide injustice -- the word unisex outside bathrooms that are open for any gender to use.

Seriously, this is a real story. 

What's the issue?

"Waldman said the word unisex excludes people who do not identify as male or female. Unisex is just such an uncomfortable and outdated word," Waldman said.

Wait, hold on a minute, has Mizzou discovered a new sex? All my life I've been taught that people are either male or female and now there are people who are simultaenously more than one sex? This is HUGE news. 

What is Mizzou changing the signs to say instead?

Toilet. 

Only, and here's the catch that is too perfect, Mizzou doesn't have enough money to change all the signs. 

"According to a map provided by the LGBTQ Resource Center at MU, there are 28 single-occupany stalls across campus, most concentrated in the center of campus. There is currently not enough money to complete the renaming project for all 28 stalls, Hurst said.

It will cost an estimated $11,600 to change every relevant sign on campus and, due to budget cuts, Hurst said there is insufficient money available to support the entire project."

DUE TO BUDGET CUTS BECAUSE OF THE FAKE MIZZOU PROTEST MIZZOU CAN'T REMOVE THE WORD UNISEX. 

I had to write that in all caps because the irony is too perfect.

Social justice warriors have nearly bankrupted a school. It should be an alarming sign to colleges across the country -- this is what happens when you negotiate with fake protesters. 

But will it be?

We'll see. 

In the meantime, congrats to Mizzou for standing up for a new group of people -- the male, the female, and the other.