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It looks like I’ve infuriated Detroiters by speaking the truth about Goff’s girlfriend serving a two-year prison sentence in the city

Here we go with what appears to be threats of violence for having an opinion. Back in the day, it was Cleveland fans who wanted to snap my legs for breaking so many Johnny Manziel stories that the Browns finally ran him out of town and eventually ended up with Baker Mayfield.

I’ve had ex-cons from the south — probably Bama fans — send me messages threatening violence.

Now Lions fans are on the verge of snapping after I had the gall to write that Jared Goff’s girlfriend is currently serving a two-year prison sentence in Detroit. I don’t know how much clearer I can make this for Detroiters — your city is the last place Instagram model NFL girlfriends would choose for a relocation.

It’s a prison sentence…until the season ends on January 9 & the private jet leaves Detroit Metro Airport.

This isn’t some slight about the city having several cesspool neighborhoods. This isn’t some slight towards blue-collar America. This is about an Instagram model trying to figure out life in Siberia USA when the American Express-providing boyfriend is in charge of an 0-6 team. Christen Harper is 28 with a swimsuit model window that’s open about as long as that of an NFL running back.

Let’s take a look at the greatest hits from Detroiters who are completely triggered:

• Detroit defender Mista JMH slid into the Instagram DMs & wrote a novel:

You’re hoping Jared Goff’s girlfriend said anything bad about Detroit so it can make you feel better about yourself and that would be the ONLY similarity you and a beautiful woman like her has. Instead, it backfired and she showed her class and dignity for the city. Unlike you who through out your article tried to insult Detroit and call it “Siberia” and a “prison”.

I find that hilarious but not shocking being that you grew up in lowly Dayton, Ohio. A place my grandfather lived, and next to Mississippi (a racist state that tried to kill him) he never barely mentioned. Why, because it’s as forgettable and miserable as you are Joey. You have the most average Joe middle American face, and build.

A boiled egg left in the sun has more appeal than anything you could wish for. You look like a jaded thumb that came to life and became a full-grown Karen. Why don’t you do yourself a favor and NEVER speak of our city again. I know it hates you that our downtown is going through the biggest construction boom ever. And businesses are flocking to our city due to incentives. But your little city of Dayton, and state of Ohio continues to be stuck in the middle of where the South starts, and where the Midwest goes to die.

Seriously your state is the epitome of where the FBI sends people on witness relocation, and ironically most of those people are from Cleveland! The extreme nerve talking about Detroit when you look like you just ate 10 coneys! 😆

Do yourself a favor and keep Detroit out of your mouth, especially when you yourself come from a true Siberian climate type of rust belt prison that has two major league baseball teams that have won nothing, two NFL teams that have absolutely won nothing, a hockey team the Red Wings just smashed, and a WNBA team that LeBron had to play for just to finally win a championship, and then he immediately jump ships to go live where Jared Goff’s girlfriend just left.

Seriously go fuck yourself, Joey. You make no sense, and people like you are the reason the country believes the Midwest is filled with one step out of the trailer, angry, going nowhere fast trash. Unlike you, we are somebody.


Sincerely,

Detroit

• Detroit defender Scott writes:

Are you ripping the City of Detroit in your latest article or the Lions? You might wanna change the wording if it’s the Lions cuz you about to get attacked in all fronts

And if it is the city, your an imbecile

Rip the Lions not the city, you rip the city you rip the people and we will come for you

• Now, let’s move along from Lions fans threatening me and get to concerns over the whole 40 & up Instagram ladies’ post on Thursday.

Marshall in Texas writes:

I’m in my late 40’s and I read Screencaps every day. We Generation X’ers appreciate the gesture of the 40s and 50s ladies (and some were nice), but the original format of 1 or 2 oldies a week is the perfect amount. Thanks for thinking of us and keep up the good work. BTW, just finished my last Thursday Night mow of the year.

###

• Let me clear the air here — today we’re back to normal programming. My plan is to give the Screencaps old-timers a 40 & up Instagram model day once a month. That’s it. Like I’ve said multiple times, these 40 & ups post new content like once a month. That means they get a Screencaps post once a month.

• Johnny R. went into the Internet history books for this ‘Redneck Neighbor’ blog post:

Good morning Joe!  I thought about this old blog that I found about 20 years ago and thought you might find it has some good content for screencap readers.  Whenever I need a “pick-me-up” I pull it up and have a good laugh. There is an updated version somewhere out there in the world wide web, but I couldn’t find it.  In the updated version, he ends the blog because he just felt too guilty making fun of the guy.  Enjoy the read and have a great day!

https://fac.comtech.depaul.edu/amuniz/RRNA1/

P.S.  Watching Mike Leach videos on YouTube can also turn around a bad day.

• Brett in MO wanted in on the Hunter’s Moon content:

You mentioned the Hunter Moon in your column this morning. Shot this on my front porch last night. Thought you might like it. 

Keep up the good work my friend!

• Aaron H. has a report on shortages and has an informative look at what’s going on at Home Depot. I know thousands of you guys can use this intel:

I wrote you a week or so ago about work/life balance. Mom finished 2nd chemo Monday and has bounced back nicely. Pro Sales at my Home Depot have slowed down, even though my dept. tripled our sales and we still have 2.5 months to go. Shortages here include: inexpensive stick-on flooring, sanded plywood ($51!), and louvered bifold doors. On the other hand, OSB is down to $17, Simpson ties, LVLs, and shingles are abundant. Expect big discounts on cordless power tools in November.

Keep up the good work.

• Paul Q. in Cincinnati makes a solid observation:

FJB — It’s the political equivalent of “Roll Tide”

• And Stros fan Chris B. in Texas has the final say this week on umpires/strike zones/MLB games taking four hours to complete:

I am in complete agreement on leaving the youth league umpires alone.  There are a lot of people (parents & coaches) that are bat shit crazy and treat kids’ games as if they were MLB.

Baseball has lots of room for improvement for sure, and hopefully, it’s good news that their CBA is up so they’ll be negotiating changes this winter.  I think everyone agrees that the games are too long.  Commercials are long for sure, and hopefully, they’ll do more of the split screens with short ads on the side at times in-between the action where they don’t want to go completely away from the game but can squeeze in some money-making. A pitch clock seems unavoidable, although I know the pitchers HATE that.  I personally like the runner on 2B in extra innings to shorten the games tied after 9.  And I overwhelmingly agree that they need to call the strike zone as it’s written in the rules.  That can be a give back to the pitchers, to compensate for the added clock.  And I am absolutely in favor of home plate umps having the Robo ump in their ear pod.  That keeps the ‘human element’ allowing them to make the call, but they get an assist from the computer to steer them. 

###

• What a week it has been around here. I infuriated the umpiring community with what I thought were innocent videos, Detroiters are on the verge of threatening real violence, the Screencaps old-timers revolted as they sought out 40 & up Instagram models and it’s only Friday morning!

One really good thing I’ve noticed this week is how many women are paying attention to the content. Jess in Alabama & Marisa in L.A. are two that immediately come to mind. Jess is a Braves fanatic who shares stories of going to games with her father and Marisa in L.A. is about to become my expert on movie sets after Thursday’s craziness where Alec Baldwin shot and killed a woman on a movie set in New Mexico.

Let’s go out there and have a strong weekend. Get those Crockpots cranking. Get the grills fired up. Keep the drinks flowing and make sure to be my eyes and ears out there.

Don’t forget, new editions of Screencaps on Saturday and Sunday.

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

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Written by Joe Kinsey

I'm an Ohio guy, born in Dayton, who roots for Ohio State and can handle you guys destroying the Buckeyes, Urban Meyer and everything associated with Columbus.

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