Dan Woke'n Thinks Climate Change Will Make Football Impossible In The Fall

Tears from the woke on Twitter are bound to submerge our nation quicker than melting polar ice caps.

Dan Wolken, USA Today sports columnist and global warming alarmist, lost all semblance of cool when he tweeted out a hot take regarding football in the near future: alleging that the sport will be impossible to play in the Fall season in "10-15 years" due to the creeping dangers of climate change.

After tweeting out a demand for a proposed Climate Change Commission to dictate sporting seasons according to shifting climate seasons, Wolken brazenly stated the following: " a perfect world, the North American swing would be first in February, March, April, May, Europe in June, July, August, September, Australia and Asia in the fall. ...

"I also think in 10-15 years playing football in August and September is going to be untenable but nobody wants to say it out loud."

Whether it's a fear of noxious cow farts or scalding sidewalks capable of cooking an egg well instead of a nice, over-easy center, Dan's predictions that the world is coming to an end over an uptick in degrees should compel him to reconsider writing for sports and pursue meteorology — if he truly is one of the first in on this prediction.

According to the PBL Netherlands Environmental Assessment Agency, only 43 percent of experts believe that human-made climate change is affecting the globe.

The dilemma for climate change activists worsens — Wolkens(?) — when a proposed ban of natural fuels, a lead identifier in the expedited depletion of the ozone, only takes into account the luxury that Americans face with exploring alternate fuels, while third-world countries' dependency on these sources remains a matter of life and death.

But yeah, time to ban those. Maybe a Commission should figure that out first. ...

Wake Dan up when September ends because that Fall season sizzle will be too hot to handle.

Then again, this isn't Dan's first stint with opposing sports in the Fall.

Follow along on Twitter: @AlejandroAveela

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Alejandro Avila lives in Southern California and previously covered news for the LA Football Network. Jeopardy expert and grumpy sports fan. Known for having watched every movie and constant craving for dessert. @alejandroaveela (on X)