All That and a Bag of Mail: Drone Party Cam Edition

As America continues to grapple with the legalities of drones, leave it to Ole Miss frat guys to have the brilliant idea, “Dude, let’s use a drone to film our party.”

This video is fabulous. And likely has every single person reading the mailbag today wishing that they were still in college right now.  

So it’s no surprise, but our beaver pelt traders of the week are the Ole Miss Sigma Nu brothers. 

On to the mailbag. 

Paul writes:

“This question was sparked your Tweeting of the frat party filmed by a drone. I am a Tennessee Vol fan living in Nashville and a few Vol friends and I have talked about buying a drone and flying it over a Vandy practice and putting the video online and just using the drone to harass the Vandy coaches and players.  How difficult do you think this would be to accomplish and what would the reaction be to a video of a college football practice posted online? Thanks.”

This is definitely going to happen in the SEC during a rivalry week, drone practice field spying. Hell, it’s probably already happened in the NFL with Bill Belichick and the Patriots. While other levels of government are concerned about the legality of drone executions, SEC state legislatures are all going to start passing laws to punish anyone who attempts to use drones to film football practices.

I can definitely see coaches going out on the road for booster functions and saying, “Well, you know, we’ve really got to get this new indoor practice facility built because otherwise how to we keep (insert rival here) from using a drone to tape our practice?”

For a long time we’ve argued that major college football was a metaphorical arms race, but now it might be a literal one too.  

J Baker Tweets:

“Which pro athlete do you choose as your champion in a trial by combat?”

I’m eliminating UFC fighters because I think you’d have to pick the heavyweight champion, Cain Velasquez, by default. Those guys are trained to kill if necessary. You can also eliminate every baseball, soccer, and basketball player just because I don’t think they’d be great at fighting. (LeBron is the possible exception here, but my issue with LeBron is he doesn’t seem that tough.) Boxing seems like it would make sense in theory, but these battles would inevitably end in a show of brute strength, Mountain grabbing Oberyn style. So being able to box wouldn’t be that helpful, you’d need to know how to grapple. 

So I’d go with a football player. Probably a defensive player, a linebacker or a defensive lineman. Maybe a fullback. The biggest issue here is that it’s hard to know, for instance, how angry someone would be. Jadeveon Clowney, for example, seems like he’d be a great option from a purely physical perspective, but how angry is he at the world? How willing to dominate someone in a fight to the death is he? You don’t want to pick the perfect athlete and then have him lose because he’s not that driven. 

My first thought was Texans defensive end JJ Watt. He’s quick, tenacious, won’t quit, and if he ever got his hands on you, which he would, you’d be done for. But what about Patrick Willis or Greg Hardy? They’d be hard to pass up in a trial by combat draft too. (Given that he was charged with murder Ray Lewis is also an obvious choice here. The problem is that Lewis is getting up there in age and has lost a step.)

But then I remembered that former Titan fullback Lorenzo Neal, who still has a body fat percentage of -14, trained for MMA and Blaine Bishop has talked about how he could put any Titan in the locker room in a submission hold within a minute. He demonstrated a sleeper hold on me once and it would have been impossible for me to ever get away from him. I just don’t think you could ever hurt him. And I think he could choke just about anyone to death because once he got his hands on you, you couldn’t get away. 

So my top four draft picks would be Lorenzo Neal, JJ Watt, Patrick Willis, and Greg Hardy. 

Anonymous writes:

“Clay,

I coach a U13 soccer team, off the field I have a pretty laid back approach and the boys often tell me things that they wouldn’t tell their mothers (my son is one of my players).

On a recent trip the boys were laughing about one of their more nerdy teammates that spent an unusual amount of time watching porn. I asked them what kids were watching pornography and they said that at least 95% of the boys in their grade (rising 8th graders).

I also asked them in a neutral tone what sites they used (Pornhub) and what categories they watch (MILFS to my surprise) and they all seem to be quite versed in the practice.

The kids aren’t smoking, doing drugs, or drinking. On the porn thing, I just wrote this off as natural and inevitable. As a former 13 year old boy I remember the feeling. The boys all have smartphones, ipads, and laptops that can access porn at lightning speed.

Is shrugging this off bad parenting? Have I become the too cool dad here? And do you really think that 95% of 13 year old boys watch porn?

(Please withhold my name so none of the moms see this)”

One of life’s immutable truths is this: If 13 year old boys can find a way to see naked girls, 13 year old boys will look at naked girls. 

So, yes, I would imagine that number is pretty accurate in the modern technological era. 

Remember back in the day how hard we had to work to look at naked girls? Every guy reading this was concocting plans to steal Playboys, watching scrambled porn with blue boobs on the old Playboy channel, watching the five free minute samples on Spectravision. (This had to be one of the funniest business plans ever. In the late 1980’s and early 1990’s they actually gave you five free minutes of an adult movie to see whether or not it met your porn needs.) 

My point is that if you went back to the pre-Internet era getting porn was like the 13 year old version of the Manhattan Project. We worked our asses off to see boobs. Can you imagine if all we’d had to do was turn on our iPads and connect to a wifi network? Kids today are just so spoiled. Back in my day we didn’t even have Internet porn. We had to look at actual printed pages of boobs.  

As to whether or not this should bother you, I’d say no. I mean, we all turned out pretty normal, right?

Right?!

Hunter writes:

“Clay,
I just graduated from an SEC school, and will be attending another SEC school for law school this fall. SEC football in the fall is probably one of my favorite things in life. Any hints on how to maximize tailgating/ football time while not failing out?”

My first semester of law school I was asked to be involved in a study group with the people who would go on to make perfect grades on just about every Vanderbilt final of our first year. They met every Saturday all year long for a several hour study group session. What do you think I was doing on Saturdays in the fall? Yeah, not studying for law exams. 

My advice to you is to take off every Saturday during college football season and have fun on that day. The first year of law school is stressful enough as is, you need to get away from it every now and then. Do whatever you have to do to maintain your sanity. Believe it or not that can be really tough around finals time. College football is the perfect escape.     

Plus, you need to remember that working in a big law firm isn’t that great. Unfortunately, as a general law firm rule, the better you become at your job the worse your life becomes. How many other professions are like that?

Cody L. writes:

“With your social media presence, I assume you have seen or heard of the sorority “war” on Tumblr recently. If not, sororities have taken to Tumblr to show off the sexiest pictures of all the individuals in their respected sorority. As of a few days ago, the beautiful ladies of my soon to be alma mater, The University of Tennessee, have joined the war. As a fan of OKTC (and beautiful women), are we going to see a Tumblr tournament in the near future to decide which sorority is the most attractive? If so, what would the criteria be and who would be allowed to have a vote? How many “teams” make the tournament? I believe you should start with a “Sexy 16″ and allow your fans to vote on the criteria you provide. I also think special guests should have a weekly vote that weighs heavier than the average reader (Verne Lundquist, Johnny Football, etc.). Being a gay Muslim, I understand that you could care less about anonymously rating beautiful women on a national scale, but I believe there are some people who would love to see this happen. What are your thoughts and opinions?”

We’re going to have a yearly tournament where we seed sororities in an online bracket challenge, allow you guys to vote, and then award the Outkick Cup to the hottest sorority in America. We need you to start sending in your nominees to us now. And, yes, I realize that the amount of hours that many of you will spend on the Outkick Cup will destroy your work productivity.

This is my gift to you.  

Chris writes:

“So watching 50 Cent throw a baseball got me thinking.  I’m not sure if this is a question or just looking for a commentary on wussification of US or if 50 Cent throwing a baseball just demonstrates it.  He’s supposed to be this badass, but watching him throw a baseball makes me think he’s probably not that much of a badass in the traditional sense of the word.  I mean, am I really fearful of him throwing a punch at me and cleaning me up when he can’t throw a baseball 60 ft with any velocity or athletic prowess.  Sure he can pull a trigger on a gun and take a bullet. But could he truly squabble if it came down to it?”

I’m sure there are exceptions to the rule, but if someone can’t throw a baseball, doesn’t it make you think they probably can’t fight either? Plus, some of these rappers are tiny. Eminem is 5’7″ 135 pounds. Their rap careers are predicated on a tough image and then they feel the need to live up to it by strutting around all over the place. But if you stand some of these rappers next to Gwyneth Paltrow at an awards show you start thinking, “Man, I don’t know, Gwyneth might be able to take him.”

Would 50 Cents’ rap career end if he got into a one-on-one brawl backstage at the MTV Awards with someone like Jonah Hill and Jonah Hill just beat his ass? That would be amazing to see. I think 50 Cent would be done for. 

Twenty bucks richer writes:

“Clay,

While stopping at a KFC I encountered a $20 bill floating in an unflushed toilet full of VERY loose stool. Being a college student trying to scrap by, I obviously reached into the toilet to pick it up. Seeing that it was a men’s restroom, I’m guessing that the bill-dropper had no idea he dropped it in the feces or he would have picked it up. After telling my friends about my stellar find we got into a heated debate about what’s the lowest bill you would pick out of someone else’s diarrhea. I say five bucks because I don’t have the poop stigma that others have. So my question to you is this- “What is an appropriate cutoff point for picking up money out of someone else’s excrement?” and “What other factors contribute to the likelihood of you picking up money out of a toilet?” The type of establishment? The location of toilet in the US? The color of feces? Well, thats all I got.”

I’m dry-heaving right now.

There’s no single bill I’d go after in a toilet filled with another man’s excrement. None. Zero. Much less $20. Plus, how does money end up in a poo-filled toilet. This has to be pretty rare. I feel like you’re probably on some foreign candid camera television show that’s designed to make fun of Americans.

“Ha, ha, look at the greedy American get the poo dollar!”

You’re hugely popular in Iran right now.  

Written by Clay Travis

OutKick founder, host and author. He's presently banned from appearing on both CNN and ESPN because he’s too honest for both.