Look Out, It’s Simone Biles Bachelorette Weekend

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Heads up, Belize: Simone Biles and her gal pals are in town to have themselves a time and ruin the evenings of everyone else around them.

The Olympic gold medalist shared a photo of herself with a pile of bachelorette party regalia one of her friends could cram in their Amazon cart.

She even got a gift from her fiance, Houston Texans safety Jonathan Owens for the occasion: a new purse, and an expensive looking one at that.

Simone Biles got a gift from her fiance Jonathan Ownes in the form of an expensive-looking purse. (Instagram/simonebiles)

The Biles Bachelorette Party Extravaganza surely included some shenanigans, but it also had a “pajama and party game night.”

Simone Biles and the company having themselves a time. (Instagram/simonebiles)

It’s not like a high-profile athlete like Biles would post any true debauchery on social media. Still, this seems like a pretty tame affair. It could go a long way in repairing the reputation of bachelorette parties altogether. As it stands, that reputation is more in (and around) the toilet than the bride’s college roommate’s puke after a night of tequila shots.

Bachelorette Parties Are Brutal For The General Public

Unless you love incessant wooing, and t-shirts with Venmo usernames on the back of them pleading for you to buy the soon-to-be bride a drink, you probably hate bachelorette parties. The words “I sure am glad our table was next to that bachelorette party,” have never been uttered. I think I might be the first person to even assemble them in that order in recorded history.

They’re so obnoxious. However, weirdly enough, that’s a good thing. Good in the same way that poison dart frogs are brightly colored so animals know not to eat them.

If you see a gaggle of 20 to 30-something-year-old ladies and they’re carrying balloons while wearing sashes and hats with penises on them, turn and hightail it to some other bar down the road.

Fortunately for Biles and the gals, it looks like they had a better time than the woman whose friend scheduled her party in Nashville during the NFL Draft.

That story never gets old.

Follow on Twitter: @Matt_Reigle

Written by Matt Reigle

Matt is a University of Central Florida graduate and a long-suffering Philadelphia Flyers fan living in Orlando, Florida. He can usually be heard playing guitar, shoe-horning obscure quotes from The Simpsons into conversations, or giving dissertations to captive audiences on why Iron Maiden is the greatest band of all time.

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