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What a hog!
The Jeff Bezos-Lauren Sanchez Content Month rolls along this morning with a photo of the massive rock The Bad Boy of Retail placed onto Tony Gonzalez’s baby mama this week while aboard his $500 million superyacht.
I’m not an expert on engagement rings — I purchased one 13 years ago & she still wears it so I’m calling that a W — but I know this, you can’t go to Jared® and buy a rock like this one. This thing is a certified HOG that only guys boasting a bankroll of $132 BILLION are buying their soon-to-be second wives.
Think about the typical divorced guy in his 50s. He’s already been taken to the cleaners — Jeff had to pay his ex-wife the equivalency of 76.6 superyachts to go away so he could get busy living life and building a healthy sex life with certified rocket Lauren — and the second marriage is typically dialed back because the guy is still busy paying off the ex.
Not this time! Jeff, 59, is ready to BLOW the fortunes he’s made because you have a shopping and delivery addiction to his app. In return, Lauren gets fitted for an absolute HOG thanks to the Bad Boy’s fortune.
“We love to be together and we love to work together,” Sanchez, 53, told the Wall Street Journal in January. “We fly together. We work out together. We’re together all the time.”
And what will it be like to be married to the Bad Boy of Retail? It sounds like the hubby will handle weekend breakfast duties without the help of chefs.
“Every Sunday morning, Jeff makes pancakes. He wakes up early. He gets the Betty Crocker cookbook out every time, and I’m like, ‘OK, you’re the smartest man in the world; why don’t you have this memorized yet?’ But he opens it up every time: Exact portions make the best pancakes in the world,” Lauren added.
HOG on the finger.
Incredible fluffy pancakes to crush.
Amazon Prime® membership for life. Drones flying in goods when needed.
Plenty of digital cash on hand if you get a hunch to play some Keno for the hell of it while crushing wings and beers on the superyacht.
All I can add is congratulations for living the dream inside the brain of every man, woman, and child in society. Go live your best life, Lauren. Get drunk and start buying all sorts of crazy stuff on Amazon and have it delivered in the middle of the night. Do it for all of us who’ll never know this form of life.
3 CommentsLeave a Reply
He should have went a lot younger than her.
He ordered it through Amazon. (They actually do have a wedding ring section.)
And since he’s in charge, he gets a lifetime return policy.
He married the first woman he dated after his divorce. What a moron.