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Listen, y’all, I’m still a little mad about that popcorn thing. Not because it affects me even a little bit, but because with that tweet, Anthony Bass displayed a level of entitlement I can’t even comprehend.
But the Internet responses to his United Airlines tantrum actually restore my faith in humanity a little. Because it’s been a long time since I’ve seen someone get dragged that badly on Twitter. It might have been even worse than Bud Light.
And I don’t feel bad for Anthony Bass. That guy got more attention yesterday than he has in his entire 11-year MLB career.
So I’m moving on with my week. And how can I be in a bad mood? There’s a man installing a hot tub on my back deck as we speak.
A Tax Day splurge, you ask?
Not quite. See, in addition to OutKick, I’m self-employed. So I’m one of those people who “owes” the government a boatload of money every year.
And because of that, you can bet Uncle Sam’s ass I wait until the very last minute to cough it up.
So this morning, as I mailed my check to the Ukraine, I could at least take solace in the fact that I can drown my sorrows in a sweet new hot tub.
So join me — figuratively — in pouring a glass of bourbon as we soak in the news of the day.
Because, let’s be real: The only tax we’re happy to pay around here is …the cheese tax.
North Carolina Teenager Gets Stuck in Claw Game
Those claw games used to frustrate me so much as a child.
My sister had the touch. No matter which toy she was eyeing, she could always fish it out effortlessly on the first try. I came up empty handed every single time.
So I should have taken a cue from this North Carolina kid and simply climbed inside to grab the toys myself.
Except the plan didn’t work out so well for him. The 13-year-old got stuck inside a claw machine game while trying to steal the prizes.
And this isn’t your average claw game. This is the Cosmic XL Bonus Game at Carowinds Amusement Park. This sucker is 6.5-feet tall, 5-feet wide and 5-feet deep — truly the granddaddy of stuffed animal vending machines.
Quite the pickle you’re in, kid.
If this were Anthony Bass’ kid, he’d be suing the amusement park.
He’s fine, by the way. But he is banned from Carowinds for an entire year. I’m sure he’ll use that time to really reflect on what he did wrong. And how not to get caught next time.
By the way, I wonder how they can do that. When we were in high school, my nephew got banned from the Greenwood Park Mall for skateboarding in their parking lot. But I always thought, there’s no way they would actually notice if he showed up.
Do they have his picture hung by every point of entry? Is security always on the lookout? And what if he just wears some sunglasses or something? Seems like more trouble than it’s worth.
Anyway, the kid is in good company. Just last December, a 4-year-old named Poppy got herself stuck in a toy claw machine in Australia.
I shouldn’t laugh at a child’s expense, but that’s one of the funniest photos I’ve ever seen.
I just want the video of it looped with Sarah McLachlan like those sad ASPCA commercials.
Nicolas Cage Eats Bugs
OK, not by choice. But he will eat them if the role requires.
“I’ll never do that again,” Cage said. “I’m sorry I did it at all.”
In a recent interview, Nicholas Cage revealed he had to eat two live cockroaches on the set of the 1988 movie “Vampire’s Kiss.”
And he probably had some crunchy flashbacks while filming his latest movie, “Renfield.” Except this time, it was his co-star Nicholas Hoult’s turn to ingest some creepy crawlies.
“The cockroaches I got to eat in this were caramel,” Hoult told Yahoo Entertainment. “I also had crickets that were actually quite yummy. They were salt and vinegar flavored or barbecue smoky flavored.”
You know, they make potato chips in those flavors, too, my dude.
“If you could get rid of your fear, your phobia of eating insects, you could solve world starvation,” Cage said. “High protein, no fat, excellent nutrients, abundance. They’re everywhere! But nope — not gonna happen.”
I’m with you, Nick. But this conversation did evoke a happy memory from the deepest depths of my brain.
Any fellow Millennials remember Bug City Candy? They tasted like a delicious mix of Sweet Tarts and Flintstone vitamins.
Plus, they had holes in the lid. So when you were done, you could go catch lightning bugs!
Sorry, is my Midwest showing?
Quentin Tarantino is against Sex Scenes in Movies
Ever noticed a lack of raunchy sex scenes in Quentin Tarantino films? Well, apparently that’s on purpose.
The famous filmmaker said sex isn’t part of his “vision for cinema.”
“And the truth is that, in real life, it’s a pain to shoot sex scenes, everyone is very tense,” he said. “And if it was already a bit problematic to do it before, now it is even more so.”
He did go on to say, however, that if an intimate scene was “essential” to the story of the film, he would include it. But it “hasn’t been necessary.”
Maybe an unpopular opinion with this crowd, but y’all know I’m going to say it anyway: I’m 100 percent Team Tarantino on this one.
I’m not a prude. I’m far from it. But the amount of sex and full frontal nudity awkwardly shoved into TV and film these days is getting out of hand.
It’s not hot, sexy or artistic. It’s just uncomfortable — especially when you’re watching at a movie theater or In a living room full of family members.
Majority of the time, these scenes don’t advance the plot. It’s just gratuitous porn that no one asked for.
And — another unpopular opinion incoming — that’s the reason I have always refused to watch “Game of Thrones.”
Aside from, of course, the numerous complaints from the show’s female cast members about how they were treated on set. But that’s a rant for another day.
Anyway, if you aren’t having actual sex and you must watch it on a screen, there are plenty of outlets for you to do so.
Just keep it out of my TV shows.
Because if I wanted a bunch of boobs in my face for no reason, I’d just read Screencaps.
Pizza Guy by Day, Crime Fighter by Night
We end our Tuesday Nightcaps with the true hero of the week.
Tyler Morrell is a delivery man for Cocco’s Pizza in Aston, Penn. Sunday afternoon, a Ring doorbell camera caught him stopping a suspect being chased by police.
Concerned the fugitive was going to hit his car, Morrell sprang into action. He ran to the end of the sidewalk — pizza still in hand — and tripped the man as he ran by. Then, police scooped up the suspect and arrested him.
All while the pie remained unharmed.
Warning: There is strong language in this video. So if you’re watching at work, hit the mute button.
Give this man a raise!
“Honestly, I didn’t really think about doing anything but stepping in,” Morrell said. “I was raised to step in if you see something that’s not right. So, I just wanted to do my part.”
After all — Why deliver pizza when you can deliver justice?!
And with that, I think I just wrote the tagline for the next great comic book.
I can see it now: Pizza Man takes down the Skateboarding Menace and the Claw Machine Bandit!
Any graphic artists out there? Let’s make it happen.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m.
Follow me on Twitter at @TheAmberHarding or email me at Amber.Harding@OutKick.com.