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Tomorrow Kentucky and West Virginia will play in a Sweet 16 match-up pitting the two dumbest fan bases to ever compete for a spot in the Elite 8. (Kentucky and West Virginia also combined to play the dumbest fan base match-up in the round of 32 and the Elite 8. Someone in the NCAA selection committee actually has a sense of humor.) Needless to say, this game is special for Outkick readers. Astute readers of our 10 dumbest fan base rankings have been pelting me on social media all week to take notice of this rare gift from the basketball gods. No Sweet 16 game has ever had more dumb fans commenting at once.
Given that neither team ever commits a foul, the refs are “h8ers,” the rest of the country is “jelus” of both teams and “your gay” if you don’t see why, I’d encourage all of you with a decent knowledge of it’s vs. its to log on to Facebook and Twitter and enjoy the festivities come Thursday night. This game will be like Woodstock for dumb people, a modern day Hatfields vs. McCoys. It honestly wouldn’t surprise me if someone gets killed over a block charge call in the border regions between these two states.
How often is it that two teams meet in the Sweet 16 and both universities enact more stringent couch burning regulations in advance of the game?
Both of them!
Basketball is life, y’all.
Of course, basketball isn’t really life if you have anything better going on in your life, but we’re talking about people from West Virginia and Kentucky. They really don’t have anything better going on in their lives. Especially not now that “Breaking Bad” showed everyone in the entire country how to make high-quality meth. You try buying a bunch of sudafed at the gas station these days. Just try. Cops will swoop you up faster than when you steal camouflage West Virginia or Kentucky gear at the local Wal Mart.
Kentucky is Outkick’s second dumbest fan base and West Virginia is Outkick’s eighth dumbest fan base. It’s a match made in stupid basketball fan heaven, a chance for both fan bases to get upset and once more call me gay, racist, and demand that I be fired for accurately calling them dumb. Personally, I just take it as further evidence that God reads Outkick and likes to make all of us happy.
But it’s not just me saying these fans are dumb, Kentucky has recently been ranked as the fourth dumbest overall state. West Virginia? Well, West Virginia was ranked the dumbest overall state, with just 17.3 percent of the population having a bachelor degree. Who do the dumbest fans in each state all flock to support? Not Louisville or Marshall, nope. These are front running losers in life who have to pick teams that win. Otherwise their nonexistent self esteem will move into negative territories. It’s C-A-T-S vs. The Mountaineers for dumb basketball fan supremacy. No matter who wins, there’s one certainty, the final score for both teams will be higher than the IQs of their average fans.
These are the only two states in America where one and done basketball players will have vastly more education than three-quarters of the fans. And as the comments to this article will soon show, these are legitimately dumb states filled with demonstrably dumb people. All of whom are so dumb they think they’re actually smart. Which adds to the hilarity. Even the “smart” people in the states will attempt to prove that the state is not dumb by pointing out that they aren’t dumb so the state can’t be dumb. Let me explain why that’s a bad argument in a way that people from West Virginia and Kentucky can understand: That’s like panning for gold in a holler, finding a single speck of gold in your pan and claiming the strip-mined mountain nub is entirely made of gold.
That dog cain’t hunt.
You know how dumb both of these fan bases are? They’re the only two fan bases on this list to become freshly outraged over a year after our dumbest fan base rankings were released. Local West Virginia media even led the news — a year later! — with Outkick’s dumbest fan base rankings. Of course, Alabama will be tough to unseat as the dumbest fan base here. A man actually called into Alabama television to ask a lawyer if the state could sue me for calling Crimson Tide fans dumb. I mean, these things really happened.
Go on my Facebook page right now and you’ll see new messages arriving daily from Kentucky fans who are outraged that I called their fan base dumb. The messages are riddled with grammatical errors and gay slurs. Of course, given that the Internet just arrived in both states, it’s probably harsh to judge them for being so late to react. Outkick hasn’t invested in carrier pigeons yet to carry our articles to the hollers of both states. Although, we probably should.
It’s an upside down world when it comes to Kentucky and West Virginia — fans in single wides cheering for coaches in mansions, basketball fans without teeth cheering for basketball players with teeth, fans who have no hope of being admitted to academic powerhouse universities like Kentucky and West Virginia living or dying to the beat of a basketball’s dribble. Like canaries in a coal mine without oxygen, these two states are where intelligence goes to die.
They should give out a trophy to whoever wins this game.
It should be a gold basketball with a chin strap beard on it.
And this inscription: “Your number one!”
Of course, both teams have a strong chance of rising in Outkick’s updated dumbest fan base rankings which will debut the first week of May and run every ten weeks as we count them down to number one, but for now, who has the stupid fan base advantage? It’s a really tough call.
But to be the champs, you have to beat the champs.
And Kentucky’s still number two with a mullet.