Kentucky Fan Exults Over Michigan Win

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Kentucky fans are the second dumbest fans in the country.

You can argue with this fact, but you’ll be wrong. 

It’s Outkick the Coverage science. 

Which brings us to Kentucky fans celebrating their team advancing to the Final Four. After a season of morose disdain for their beloved C-A-T-S, Kentucky fans have crawled out of the hills and hollers and put on their fancy pajama pants and laid back in their recliners and now they want you to, “Get some!,” for ever having the audacity to doubt their beloved Wildcats. 

Watch this video. 

1. This Kentucky fan is wearing pajama pants. 

The game aired after four eastern. 

Meaning this guy has not bothered to get dressed all day.

Which might seem strange to some of y’all, but Sunday’s like any other day when you’re unemployed.  

2. The oversized recliner fits this guy like a smedium t-shirt. 

I thought the recliner was supposed to engulf you, not the other way around. 

Also, a recliner?

I don’t know anyone who still has a solo recliner in front of their television. Is this like 1987 when recliner’s first got popular and you walked inside from your wood-paneled station wagon and pulled that lever on the side of the recliner — it was like a damn drawbridge when you were eight — and leaned back and thought, “This is so radical!” Then you asked your mom about space camp because you were going to be an astronaut. 

3. This bearded guy’s name is Clay. 

Meaning this could have been me if I’d had the misfortune to be fat, unemployed, and born in Kentucky.

Thank God my grandfather left Kentucky for Nashville. 

4. “We’re going to Texas.”

By “we,” he means, “not me,” unless, that is, there’s a shortage of platelets in the state of Kentucky. But, get serious, Kentucky fans flooded the blood bank this morning to pay for their gas to Texas. There will be plenty of blood in the commonwealth for April! 

5. There are multiple unattended children wondering through the house during the game.

And by “house,” I mean “mobile home.”

And by “multiple unattended children,” I mean, “future Kentucky basketball fans.”

6. The wiggling of the toes in socks.

Does this make anyone else uncomfortable? I can’t explain why, but fat people’s toes make me uncomfortable.

Also, why is he wearing socks? 

7. Arguing with someone who doesn’t exist about freshmen not being able to win titles. 

Kentucky fans, due to their incredible idiocy, make up false arguments all the time and win them by talking to themselves in their silent mobile homes. Trust me, if you were this dumb, you would make up false arguments too. It’s the only possible way you can win an argument. 

8. The three finger salute.

If you have ever put up three fingers after a made three in an unironic fashion while watching the game by yourself, there is a 100% chance you could not be admitted to Kentucky. In fact, if you cheer for Kentucky, there is a 99.99% chance you could not be admitted to Kentucky. 

9. “Get some!”

He and his baby momma have definitely role-played sex games where he has been DeMarcus Cousins and she has been “the white girl with the big booty.” 

In fact, that’s probably how unattended infant one happened. 

10. “I feel ya.”

The next time he will utter this phrase is when he stands in line with his food stamps and Piggly Wiggly has just run out of beenie weenies and the person in front of him, wearing a Jeff Sheppard jersey, is crying. 

Written by Clay Travis

OutKick founder, host and author. He's presently banned from appearing on both CNN and ESPN because he’s too honest for both.