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Justin Timberlake and Miley Cyrus Are Different

It’s rare you see two extremes of musical performance in such a short time period. 

Last night on MTV’s Video Music Awards Miley Cyrus’s performance made every man in America thankful he doesn’t have a daughter while simultaneously terrifying every man who does have a daughter. 

Meanwhile, Justin Timberlake put together one of the greatest fifteen minutes in music television history. 

This was his walk-off, a performance that very few could equal. Complete and total perfection. 

In case you were too mature to watch the VMA’s last night, I bet you’re not too mature to watch VMA videos while pretending to work this morning. 

By noon we’ll have the fifth dumbest fan base in America up on here, but for now, dive in. 

 

Yes, this really happened.

Here are my nine favorite things about this performance:

1. Trojan horse meet Trojan teddy bear. 

The world will never be the same again.

2. Miley’s initial outfit is so ridiculous that you don’t even notice the dancers dressed up with teddy bear backpacks. 

Think about how crazy that is.

3. Miley Cyrus has the longest tongue in America. 

Seriously, how does she not choke to death on that thing?

4. When she stripped down to a flesh colored lingerie outfit and twerked on Robin Thicke? 

Yeah, this is the exact moment Billy Ray Cyrus’s achy breaky heart finally broke. 

5. What are girls going to be into by 2025?

I’m already jealous of my son’s college years and he just started kindergarten. 

6. Miley’s hair is the least ridiculous part of her outfit. 

I haven’t even heard a person mention how absurd it is to even get your hair to look like this. 

7. How do you know you’ve surrounded yourself with people who only tell you yes?

Because when you say that you’re going to get your best dancers to wear massive teddy bear backpacks and dance beside you their response is, “That’s so badass!”

8. Robin Thicke came out dressed as an SEC official and no one even noticed. 

Pause this video for a minute, look how ridiculous Robin Thicke’s outfit is. 

Yet no one is even talking about this because Miley Cyrus sodomized herself on stage. 

9. Miley fingerbangs herself with the number one foam fan finger. 

I’m not going to lie, this is probably the greatest use of the number one fan finger in the history of foam fingers.

… 

Okay, now that you’ve watched that video, check out Justin Timberlake’s performance. 

Meet the greatest entertainer of our generation.

How many people could captivate a live television audience like this for 15 minutes?

I’m not sure anybody else in music could do this right now.  

Written by Clay Travis

OutKick founder, host and author. He's presently banned from appearing on both CNN and ESPN because he’s too honest for both.