By Josh Parcell
, the New England Patriots reportedly hosted Johnny Manziel and Teddy Bridgewater in Foxboro ahead of next month’s NFL Draft.
This is literally the greatest news ever.
Now, I know what you’re thinking, “But Josh, how can the Patriots possibly think that Manziel would ever fall to them with the 29th pick?”
My answer is: who cares? All I need is a little hope. Although the Pats are usually falling back as opposed to moving up, nobody can argue that their front office has gamed the system when it comes to trading draft picks.
Manziel in a Patriots uniform makes too much sense. He could spend 2-3 years learning from the greatest winner of our era in Tom Brady before taking over the reins when Mr. Bündchen finally decides to hang it up.
More than anything, though, this accomplishes one very important thing. It would create the most unstoppable tandem the NFL has ever seen.
Rob Gronkowski and Johnny Manziel would be the greatest teammates in the history of sports.
TMZ would need its own website just for them. Barstool Sports would immediately get more page views than Google.
We’re talking about Johnny Freaking Football, who before he was spending his time accepting the Heisman Trophy as a freshman, he was busy bursting onto the scene for wearing a Scooby-Doo costume and outkicking the living shit out of his coverage on Halloween 2012.
Not to be outdone, when Gronk isn’t busy re-writing the NFL record books for tight ends, he’s spending his bye weeks in places like Arizona where porn stars wear his jersey as a dress.
Keeping those two out of trouble would be the greatest challenge of Bill Belichick’s career, and he once had to start Matt Cassel at quarterback for an entire season.
If Manziel starts to fall on draft day and the Pats can somehow come up with a package to trade up and scoop him up, it’s not a win-win; it’s a win-win-win-win-win.
One of Manziel’s biggest flaws in the eyes of many experts is his renegade mentality on the field. He’s not a pocket passer they say (never mind the fact that half of the starting quarterbacks in the NFL right now aren’t “pocket passers”), so he would be best served sitting on the bench for a year or two before he’s ready to start.
The Patriots have never shied away from acquiring players with red flags, either. Randy Moss, Corey Dillon, Aqib Talib, Aaron Hernandez, Alfonzo Dennard, Tim Tebow and most recently Darrelle Revis, all had (wildly various) character/locker room questions before joining the team and the Patriots took a shot on all of them. It worked out better for some than others, but it hasn’t stopped the Pats from trying. If you think that Johnny Football texting LeBron and Drake every day would keep Belichick from picking him up if it’ll help him win football games then I have a bridge to sell you.
Back to the Manziel-Gronk combo, though. I can’t decide what Johnny would be more competitive about: battling Brady for the starting QB job or taking down Gronk as the most eligible bachelor of Boston. The Instagram mêlée that would ensue between those two would be a slugfest of Ali-Liston proportions. Would they be best friends or mortal enemies? I could go either way. While on the surface they may seem like two peas in a pod, they actually are quite different. Johnny loves the spotlight both on and off the field, while Gronk is brutally shy with the media most of the time.
Ultimately, I think they would turn out to exist off the field how Kobe and Shaq did on the court: fiercely competitive, incredibly territorial, both at the absolute top of their game. There would be ups and downs along the way, but what great marriage can’t say that?
There’s only one thing left to do if you’re the Patriots. Draft Johnny Football. The Internet is counting on you.
Follow Josh on Twitter @JoshParcell.