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The most detailed study of penis size ever undertaken has just been released. And a bunch of you, having read the study, immediately thought, “We have to make sure Clay Travis sees this.”
I can’t tell how you honored this makes me.
Researchers conducted a study — replete with multiple size flow charts — that sought to analyze the age-old question that every penis-obsessed man (so every man) has long wondered, “Why is Jon Hamm so good looking with such a big penis?”
To answer this question scientists measured over 15,000 men around the world to determine what their actual penis size was while flaccid and erect. And the full results? Click here.
Before you throw yourself off the nearest balcony the study is in centimeters. (One centimeter is equal to .393701 inches). There is no discussion of how the penis is measured, but you clearly can’t measure from the underside of the penis and you can’t press the ruler so hard into your abdomen that the indentation remains on your stomach for twenty minutes.
Having said that, I bet you’re about to feel better.
According to the study the average penis is 5.1 inches long when erect. That’s a full inch less than the average size that men claim when asked the size of their erect penises.
Only ten percent of men have penises greater than seven inches long when erect. (Unfortunately scientists also confirmed that they did, in fact, all used to date your girlfriend). The smallest 10% of penises are 4.33 inches long when erect. (Remarkably scientists were also able to determine that all of these men were Florida State fans active on Twitter.)
There’s also a long discussion of circumference, but I’ll be damned if I can figure out how that measurement works. Basically the study found that most limp penises grew by the same amount when they became erect, casting a real damper on the “I’m a grower not a shower,” community.
The 99th percentile for penis length when erect? 8.3 inches. If your penis is longer than 8.3 inches, you are in the top 1% of the 1%. Congrats, Urban Meyer will now recruit you.
The study found no correlation between shoe size, height or finger length — sorry, ladies. Every penis was a (penis) island entirely unto itself. Interestingly, the study also found no significant difference in the penis size of different races. (Upon being informed of this fact, Greg Oden twirled his lasso penis contemplatively.)