Instagram Star Emily Elizabeth: I’m 100% Real, Distraught TCU Coed & Masters Caddie Shows Up To National Championship

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I want to puke over Ohio State not finishing off the Dawgs

What an end to the college football season. Torrential rains blowing through SoFi Stadium. One of the most boring atmospheres in college football history. Zero pregame content buzz other than blue checkmark nerds screaming about the lack of tailgating around the immediate area outside the stadium.

Folks, if you’ve been to a national championship game since Ohio State beat Oregon, you know this is the norm. I’ve been to two national championships and it was the same in 2015 as it is in 2023 — the NCAA finds a sponsor (this year it was Allstate) who wants to slap its logo on a big parking lot tailgate. Then fans are pushed toward that party area with the promise of a big-name music performer and then those fans pay $20 for beers.

This isn’t new.

And yet it was the only storyline the blue checkmarks had for the national championship game.

Quick-hitter observations:

  1. It’s a good thing I was in the man cave playing Augusta National on PGA 2k23 or I would’ve missed the 7:30 kickoff. Major credit goes to Disney and the CFB committee henchmen for such an early kickoff. Here I figured they wouldn’t kick that game until 8:30.
  2. That might have been the least buzzworthy CFB championship I’ve ever witnessed. There were moments where I felt like Beth Mowins was going to pop into the booth and call the game like a late October nooner.
  3. Did I hear Desmond Howard at halftime saying Georgia had no business beating Ohio State?
  4. Will I get immediately canceled for saying Pat McAfee is best consumed in 15-second bits before it’s time to turn the channel or hit mute? Yes, I’m a huge fan of chaos and have been pro-Pat for years, but there comes a time when you have to be able to read the room and pick your spots. Pat is all gas and this isn’t sustainable. The guy is 35. This version of Pat is going to work with Millennials for about five more years before his core audience starts to fall asleep at 10 p.m. and are bro’d out. However, Pat is being paid a very huge pile of eff-you money for this version of Pat, so go make that money. I just need to have a remote near me to hit mute.
  5. The next three CFB Playoff championship sites are Houston (NRG Stadium), Atlanta, and then Miami. The Los Angeles, Phoenix, Santa Clara rotation sucks balls.

How long until parents turn their children’s future sports earnings into a stock index?

• Chris B. has an awesome idea on funding your travel ball player — start selling stock in your kid’s future earnings:

Hi, Joe — I may have hit on the answer here, despite never having played travel ball. Parents who do this are, it seems, hoping that their kids will one day go pro and make millions of dollars. In any other scheme, this would be considered an investment, right?

So instead of fundraisers, why not sell shares? If I could throw $100 into a bucket on the chance that I get to wet my beak on little Johnny’s MLB or NFL money, I’d be willing to think about it.

You calculate the entire cost of however many years of travel ball until the high school/AAU circuit begins, then figure out how many ‘shares’ you need to sell to pay for it, then offer the ‘shares’ to willing investors. You’d have to spend a little bit of lawyer money, but not much, and of course the odds are astronomical…but so is any other market.

Kinsey:

There you go, a business model was just dumped on the table by Chris. B. and it’s not as far-fetched as you might think. Professional athlete stock market indexes already exist and now that NIL at the high school level is legal in multiple states, it feels like it’s just a matter of time before Kylie in Little Rock is turning her 12-year-old bruising defensive tackle Kayden into a publicly traded stock based on his future NIL earnings at the collegiate and pro levels.

Hey Kylie, just think of all the travel ball money the initial public offering would generate. We’re talking huge hotel money. Girlfriend, you’re staying at the Mariott Marquis in downtown Houston with the pool in the shape of Texas. Trust me, you’re going to love that place. It’s incredible.

• Bill H. has thoughts on this topic:

Being with your kids and watching them develop in their skills and knowledge of sports is gratifying.

During a Fall Ball game several months back, I had a conversation with a retired md and former boy’s baseball coach who said, “Look out there. None of those kids will play in the pros, or college or few, even, in high school. They main thing is that they learn the game and its strategies.” A couple of the teams on the schedule were heavy with travel team kids but that didn’t stop them from being beaten by our team of walk-ons.

Reality check.

Travel teams are just another way to exclude poorer but, perhaps, equally or more talented kids from participating with their entitled spawns.

Most of the team parents CAN afford to fund their kid’s travel team trips and expenses. They get donor money and then go back to their Value Meal McMansions with all of its subscription services, Netflix, MLB Newtork, Disney +, etc… They just don’t want to scale back on their standard of living. They want you to.

Q: What happened to letting your kids just play a game and not living vicariously through them? A: But the gamble that junior or princess might hit the bigtime with all that cash payout in the end is too intoxicating to pass up.

Statistically, in the rarified air that approaches pro sports, the travel team parents have to realize that they only eroding quality time from their kids who may not even get a Juco offer in the end.

If you want to travel, go fund yourself.

Play ball!

Crazy car stickers

• Dan in Missouri spotted this gem:

Honestly, I’m not even sure this will be allowed on Screencaps, but this is easily the craziest car sticker I’ve ever seen. Pulled into the lot of the shooting range last week and was greeted by this.

Never saw one that topped this even having lived in Florida for 2.5 years. 

Have a great week across Screencaps land!

Kinsey:

Welp, that one is rather aggressive, but I like to think we’re fair and balanced here at Screencaps.

My big question: Why go to this extreme with the truck window stickers? Guys, a TNML sticker would suffice.

Let’s have a discussion on truck stickers. Trust me, I’m not the truck sticker police at all. I’m a content guy and I’m amused by them. I’d just like to understand the psychology behind the moment the sticker is applied to the glass.

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

Gauntlet results are rolling in…here’s how to settle ties

I’m hearing from multiple league commissioners and participants on the conclusion of their seasons. Wyn won the Screencaps league with an astonishing 45 total wins. I’d like to say he cheated, but it’s impossible in the Gauntlet.

• Douglas J. in Omaha writes:

We had an unbelievable comeback in our Gauntlet League and I just need a ruling on a tie for our top 2 guys now.  Any info on what has been used in the past would be helpful.  Thanks for the support and keeping us all smiling!

Here is the Gauntlet tiebreaker ruling as stated by Gauntlet creator, Tim L. in Texas:

Official Gauntlet Tiebreaker is most wins by a single team, followed by most wins by 2nd best team, then 3rd best team, then pistols at dawn. 

In the event of 3-way tie, players are eliminated from tiebreaker at each stage. For example, if player 1 had packers (13) and player 2 had bucs(13), they would then compare their 2nd place teams. Player 3 would be eliminated bc his best team had 12. Even if player 3 had a 2nd place team that was better than player 1 or 2’s 2nd place team. Hopefully, that makes sense. 

If player 1 and 2 are tied after comparing their top 3 teams, obviously the 4th teams will tie too. So, that results in pistols at dawn. While I encourage a literal interpretation, metaphorical is acceptable too. Arm wrestle for it, an NFL history quiz, spicy pepper challenge, a winner-take-all Mario Kart race, whatever. There must be 1 winner. Chopping the pot is for losers. 

Book recommendations needed

• Indy Daryl needs some lists from you guys:

Good afternoon! Congrats on the Bengals win; I will be rooting for them Sunday!

As an avid book reader (yes I read almost every book in a physical format) I was curious of the SC community: if you had to recommend one book to someone (preferably fiction) what would it be and why?

I would love to hear and then read the recommendations of the SC group!

Hope you have a great Monday!

This has to be the very first child of a TNML member to sign a trading card deal

I want to congratulate Connor Williams, better known as “Big Cozy” from the St. John Fisher University basketball team, whose father, Chris in Victor, NY, was Team TNML before his son turned into a viral sensation for dominating on the courts.

Here’s Cozy, who has made nine of his 13 shots this season, doing work:

More good news for those of you looking to buy a car…you might not be buying a Tesla, but those car prices are coming down at a fast clip


And that’s it this morning. Welcome to that time of the year when we turn our attention to college basketball and odd jobs around the house that need attention before the first sign of spring.

Have a great day across the country and don’t forget, F–K Joy Behar.

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

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Written by Joe Kinsey

I'm an Ohio guy, born in Dayton, who roots for Ohio State and can handle you guys destroying the Buckeyes, Urban Meyer and everything associated with Columbus.

One Comment

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  1. ‘I’d just like to understand the psychology behind the moment the sticker is applied to the glass’. I’m with you Joe! averages
    Any sportsnut has a passing understanding of averages and of course that’s where most of us fall, but to get those averages you need both ends of the spectrum. We’ve all seen enough of the Puritans and their need to control freedom of expression.
    What they don’t get is the majority looks at your truck sticker pic, or the guy in the Slut shirt and either shrugs and moves on, or is curious as to the thought process where the individual says I don’t care what anyone thinks…or knows about me!
    Roll on the return to freedom of speech and expression.

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