How Your Bullpen Editor Spent the Opening SEC Weekend

By Lori Kelly

Clay asked me to take some video at the Vanderbilt/South Carolina game last Thursday. I’m more of a behind the scenes girl, but hey, I’ll give it a shot. What should I film? Anything. Anything? Anything. OK. Surely there will be something worth filming. This is the season opener on ESPN against preseason ranked #9 South Carolina with our feisty big-mouthed coach at the helm. 

The following morning I head to Atlanta for UT/NC State. I’m from East Tennessee so most of my high school friends are Volunteers. We’re tailgating on an enormous stretch of blacktop, and it’s approximately 186 degrees outside. There are chicken nuggets at the tailgate but no nugget Nazi, which is good because we are all drunk and sweaty mountain people and a chicken nugget argument would come to blows.

Mountain people

My friend from high school and I are discussing James Franklin and whether he’ll be at Vanderbilt next year if he gets us to another bowl game. A Vol fan I don’t know overhears and starts in on his hatred of Vandy, except he’s saying Candy. I know Clay covered this, but let me reiterate, don’t say that. It’s not funny or clever. It’s not even an insult. Everyone likes candy. It’s delicious.

At this point I realize I still need a ticket. Did you think my job would hook me up? HA. So my friends and I are walking around looking for both a ticket and interesting people. We run into an NC State fan wearing red Hugh Hefner pajamas and a fedora. He’s rapping on his portable karaoke system, saying, “in my doublewide, in my doublewide, cheering on the Vols in my doublewide.”

This was when we first learned that NC State fans felt superior to Tennessee fans. It was confirmed when we walked by a different NC State tailgate, and they asked us to spell Volunteer. My friend responded by misspelling it (and not on purpose), which didn’t help matters. So is NC State some great academic institution, and I don’t know it? A quick google search tells me that NC State and the University of Tennessee are tied at 101st place in US News and World Report’s list of national universities. What are the odds? Sorry NC State fans, you aren’t superior in the classroom or on the field. Some of you reading this don’t think US News and World Report is legitimate. Good luck with that useless piece of paper your joke of a college gave you.

Some fans of the 101st ranked schools in the country. 

I finally find a ticket through the efforts of my host in Atlanta, Jeff, who scores me an 11th row seat on the 30 yard line for less than face value. Of course, this means I’m sitting with complete strangers. The guy next to me is a recent UT grad who lives in Chattanooga. He pats me on the back and nudges me with his elbow repeatedly for the next ten minutes. He also asks me where I’m from 4 times. He’s like one of those amnesia patients in the movies whose memory resets every 3 minutes. The Volunteers take the field and the band plays its first Rocky Top of the night. I happen to love Rocky Top so I sing along. When the song is over, the amnesiac turns to me and says, “We don’t woo anymore in Rocky Top. We say uhhh instead.” I look at him blankly for a second and then ask why. He says, “Uhh is harder, more badass.” I text Clay that woo is out and uhh is in so he doesn’t embarrass himself. He responds, “That sounds incredibly pornographic.” Looks like I’m sticking with woo.

My SEC football opening weekend ends about 2:30 Saturday morning with a ham and pineapple pizza. I still haven’t filmed anything. 

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