Hooters Jasmine Makes Her Debut, Jerry Jones Kissing A Man & TJ Watt Jumping Out Of Heinz Field

And just like that, the Cardinals are pretty much in the playoffs

It's that time of year when I like to bust out the postseason probabilities from PlayoffStatus.com, which calculates strength of schedule into a team's future schedule and comes up with the odds your team will make the playoffs. The Arizona Cardinals are officially at a 99% probability of making the playoffs, thanks to a win in Cleveland over a battered Browns team that seems to have problems all over the roster, including the running back position with Kareem Hunt being carted off Sunday.

There are two other teams closing in on locking up a playoff berth: the Rams...and the Cowboys, my top pick in the 2021 Gauntlet draft. Both teams are at 90% probability of making it into the playoffs and barring Dak going down, the Cowboys should have the East wrapped up by Thanksgiving.

Then there are the Bills (88% probability) heading into a Monday Night Football game against the Titans with a very good chance to wrap up the AFC East. The Bills have given up 64 points through five games. Go ahead and do the quick math on that real fast. Oh, by the way, the Bills have the easiest remaining schedule, according to Tankathon.com.

Meanwhile, the Lions have officially been eliminated from the playoffs and can start focusing on what they're going to do at quarterback. Detroit is six games into the season, and Dan Campbell isn't ruling out sitting Goff.

Imagine how long winter will feel like in Detroit where it's October 18 and the final game of the season will be played January 9 in the Motor City against the Packers. No thanks.

In Kansas City, the Chiefs (38% probability) are feeling better about things this morning after beating up Washington, but now things get real interesting. There's just one team remaining on the Chiefs' schedule with a record under .500 -- the Giants.

Yesterday I went to a neighborhood patio party to watch the Browns game, and it finally felt like the NFL season had begun. It was sweatshirt weather. Browns fans are starting to get nervous. Division positioning has begun. Emotions are heating up.

And as a fan of the Bengals (60% probability), football is fun again. I'd like for them to at least tease me with a playoff run through Christmas. Just give me hope late into the season. That shouldn't be too much to ask for.

• Shane S. has a brilliant way to watch MLB games. This is so simple, yet seems so rewarding. Now I just need an alert to let me know when my Reds are up to bat.

Shane writes:

Hey Joe. Just wanted to let you know how I watch baseball. I'm from Boston so I like the Red Sox. But 5 hours is a long time to sit and watch a game. I did manage to watch every game this year. But I'm not a huge baseball fan. I just love home runs and good hits. So I will watch the red sox hit.

Then as soon as they take the field for the other team to hit. I switch channels. I don't see any fun in watching them field balls or watch the other team score. It has worked well for me. Especially since they have the Bruins and Celtics playing at the same time. Gives me a chance to see them all play. 

• Shane's idea reminds me of the Budweiser goal lamp I received from the brand several years ago. It connects to Bluetooth and goes off when your selected team scores a goal. Now it's time for some brand to make a baseball bat that can be mounted to a wall and goes off when your selected team is hitting. That would make life much easier.

• Richard M. is all over this subject of MLB games taking forever:

Good day sir,

Generally, the literature states that as much as 30-40% of the population suffers from some degree of insomnia.That is quite a market.

If you came up with an app with MLB that utilizes the slowest parts of the game to help train people to sleep I believe you might come up with a new revenue stream for MLB.

• Indy Daryl is back from one of his many expeditions:

Good morning and happy Monday! Got the dreaded post-fall break/vacation mow in over the weekend and man it was a doozy. Lawn hadn’t been cut in over two weeks and I was dealing with a minimum of 8 inch tall grass. But parceled it out: front Saturday and back Sunday, with a double cut and it I dare say it looks pretty good. But given all the rain and warm weather, my yard looks more like July than October.

It’s hard to tell in the full yard photo, but we have a couple of raised beds that are quite simply out of control. However, wanted to give a quick shout-out to my wife: she has made some wonderful bouquets of flowers! The garden may be overrun, but she manages to make beautiful things from craziness!

Have a great start to the week!

• Shout-out to all the wives out there like Indy Daryl's wife. I found myself in a similar situation Sunday. I hate working on trim boards. Sanding and painting them is annoying. But there's my wife going to town with her sandpaper and paint roller, just getting things absolutely perfect, even the parts of the board people will never see. I'll be dead before people see that a pinhole imperfection that needs to be sanded out.

Mrs. Screencaps did her thing Sunday in the garage. It has to be some sort of meditation for her.

• Beau in Toledo continues to get into hunker-down mode:

Harvest Season!

4th batch of various hot peppers headed for the dehydrator. Gotta do it in the garage because airborne capsaicin is not fun to wake up to choking on.

Grew cayenne, chili-reds, poblanos, jalapeño, ghost, and Carolina Reapers.
Let me know the next time you make chili, and I'll send you some!

Pro Tip: smoke some peppers on the grill before you dehydrate them or put them in chili or whatever you've got in the Lodge Cast Iron dutch oven.

Also, I predict You'll develop a Saturday Stockpot Stew League soon to go along with the Local Grub MustDo's You've got going now!

• Let's switch gears to toilet paper. I have a friend in Virginia claiming Costco hasn't had its Kirkland brand TP "for months." And I have a friend just across the Michigan/Ohio border who sent a text last night claiming Kroger is almost out of TP.

Don't tell me we're heading for yet another rush on this stuff. You guys know I love Costco, but I'm not really in the mood to go stand in line waiting for the stuff.

I need reports from boots on the ground across this country. What products are in short supply? Give this Screencaps community the heads up on where they should be concentrating their shopping energy now before it's too late. Are turkeys in short supply? I know used cars are nearly extinct.

Get the emails in and let me know: joekinsey@gmail.com

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Written by
Joe Kinsey is the Senior Director of Content of OutKick and the editor of the Morning Screencaps column that examines a variety of stories taking place in real America. Kinsey is also the founder of OutKick’s Thursday Night Mowing League, America’s largest virtual mowing league. Kinsey graduated from University of Toledo.