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Christmas in July is stupid unless you work for QVC or HSN
Thank you to Zach for reminding me to address this disgusting trend.
• Zach writes:
Do you get this whole “Christmas in July” deal? I certainly do not.
Imagine the horror going on in my brain as I backed the sled out of the driveway this week and caught the sounds of CHRISTMAS MUSIC FROM THE LOCAL STATION THAT TYPICALLY PLAYS THE LIGHT HITS OF THE 80S, 90S AND TODAY.
I get QVC and HSN promoting their content as “Christmas in July” sales because they need to move product and it’s a smart way to get old ladies to dump goods on credit cards while they’re stuck in the house avoiding the heat.
But radio stations playing Christmas music in mid-July might be one of the dumbest things I’ve heard of since I came across the airline that allowed the lady to bring an emotional support raccoon onto a flight.
We’ve lost our damn minds.
My kids should be hearing “I Gotta Feeling” from the Black Eyed Peas instead of Andy Williams’ Christmas album. It’s July, you freaks. Pool music. Beach bar music.
And what’s up with all the Christmas in July suburbanite parties I’ve seen pimped out on Facebook? I have to assume TikTok is responsible for this disgusting behavior. I have to believe some TikTok “star” had a video go “viral” and then all sorts of 45 to 53-year-old women wanted to jump on the bandwagon.
What happened to buying 100 Hawaiian leis from Amazon $24 and pouring a bunch of rum drinks? Is that behavior out of style?
Even Nickelback is embracing this nonsense!
Make it stop!
Damn raccoons & the Reds
• Ryan H. from just upriver of me in Napoleon, OH writes:
It has been a while since I have written, probably since Bengals Super Bowl run. Many topics wanted to respond to but the raccoons got me to finally write back.
As a farmer I hate them with a passion do so much damage in field corn, crap all over the place in barns and will destroy a sweet corn patch just a day or two before the corn is people ready. I had my last straw with them about 2 weeks ago. We were in the middle of wheat harvest, I had cut wheat for about 2 hours on a Sunday evening.
I came back Monday morning to unload the grain off of the combine when I heard a loud whack when I started the engine. Turned the machine off and go back to check the engine when I saw coolant pouring out of the radiators. A raccoon decided to snuggle up next to radiators and when I started the engine the engine fan destroyed the raccoon but also the engine fan and sent parts into the radiator. After a few hours of taking it apart and finding parts and another morning and $10,000 in parts we got it running the next day. I can still smell parts of the carcass cooking in the hot sun.
Also, just came back from a weekend in Cincinnati to see the Reds and some sights in Southern Ohio.
I have not been to a game in about 10 years. The Reds were my first favorite team. Grew up with the 1990 Reds and Marty and Joe on the Radio. For the first time in a long time a ton of enthusiasm around the city for the Reds. All people at ballpark said how great the crowds were.
Long line to get into the game on 2 hours before the game on Sunday. Team shop was packed. We saw a great action-packed game and saw Elly lead off with a home run. I highly reccomend you make a trip before the excitement fizzles. Recommend Tuesday game, $3 beers, $2 hot dogs, $1 ice cream. We went on Sunday $12 beers $6 hot dogs, $4 ice cream.
Without a doubt, 100% I will be attending a Reds game in the very near future. Promise. This weekend is busy with the golf tournament and then I’m going dark in early August for 9 days. When I emerge, I’ll be analyzing the schedule and making the trek south.
Emails for Harvard grad John in Houston
• Darren in McDonough writes:
Since John Harvard seems to be fairly intelligent, he must know about trapping hogs like this fella here:
Seems like this, or something similar (there are quite a few out there) would be right up his orchard, err, alley.
• Duncan N. writes:
If John needs to kill some squirrels, he can set up some home deport buckets filled halfway with water, sprinkle sunflower seeds on top of the water, place a plank leading up to the bucket, covered in seeds. The squirrel walk right in and drown. Seems like torture, but those rodents caused $1000s of dollars in damage to my attic. I have no sympathy for those things.
Are readers not allowed to add a P.S. at the end of an email?
• John from S.D. writes:
Pro-tip; if there’s one close to you, buy ice from the Dollar Store. It costs, wait for it, $1. Smaller bag but two or three gets you close to that large 7lb bag.
Love John from Houston emails/response on raccoons. But, it’s an email. We’re not writing letters or postcards anymore. There’s no need for a PS, add it to the text.
I can’t take Keith Morrison and Dateline either. More bad NBC programming, just like their sports broadcasters.
I didn’t expect a P.S. to trigger John from S.D., but here we are with major drama breaking out on this final Thursday of July. He literally just called out the Screencaps Sheriff for his writing style. And….John in Houston is a Harvard grad!
This is a feud worth watching!
Don’t lose faith in the youth just yet
Let’s go to NE Pennsylvania where something fun took place this week on the Susquehanna River — an old-fashioned Huck Finn river adventure. What happens when a bunch of teens join forces to build a floating home for a few days of floating down one of America’s waterways?
I’d like to hope life-long relationships develop as the teens floated away without a care in the world.
Remember: a staggering 15% of American men say they don’t have close friends. That has to change and these teens are showing people how it’s done.
• LSU fan Joe M. writes:
I’m not a country dude, and because my family moved around all over the world, I didn’t own my first dog until I was over 30. My old dog, Troop (born on the US Army’s Birthday, half English Mastiff, half Coonhound, which means 130+ pounds) bit me once, on accident, and it was totally my fault. I put my hand in between the tennis ball and his mouth during a bounce it off the wall session. As soon as he bit me, he backed off and looked confused. He wanted the tennis ball, and he got human meat, and he was not into it. He was clearly not going to do it again, he backed off, but wanted to see if I was OK. Normal response, I’d gather.
Yet, we have a President who has access to the best dog trainers in the entire country (SEALs, Secret Service, etc.) and you have multiple dogs nail people that are just walking or standing around? Knowing Secret Service and other protective detail folks, they’re calm. Dogs are attracted to anxiety, but a dude that has to guard a doorway for 12 hours, and has been trained in combatives is not an anxious person that drives a dog to come after them. Everything here is wrong, and I feel bad for the dogs.
In Barcelona this month, I just watched hundreds of dogs off-leash that just sort of sniffed stuff, and… did nothing. They didn’t attack each other, they didn’t come after my tapas, they just… acted like dogs. Follow human, sniff things, move on.
A total unit that helps dogs, is Mike Ritland. He’s an ex-SEAL that is a fantastic SEAL dog handler that strives to rehab/retrain K9s so they don’t get put down.
Raccoon content is all the rage right now
Dave M. knows what plays around here. At first, without watching, I thought the raccoon popped out of luggage, but now we can see that the vermin could’ve wandered into the airport while looking for chickens to murder.
BTW, I know what Harvard grad John in Houston would do with this thing.
Let’s go to Georgia
From the City of Hapeville police department:
Officer Colleran was dispatched to a call wanting a juvenile removed from the area. Officer Colleran made contact with a young man that explained he was in the area because he wanted to do yard work: pulling weeds, cutting grass and trimming hedges to save up for a PlayStation.
The young man was polite, respectful and truthful.
Officer Colleran, a gamer himself, was impressed with the young man and thought he would help him reach his goal. Officer Colleran and some of his friends were able to not only get this young man the video game system but a gift card to pay for the membership so he could play immediately. Officer Colleran made sure that this young man knew they would play on the same team online soon!
Hopefully, the kid doesn’t lose the drive to build up his lawn business. Love the hustle. Love the community policing. Love the emotions. Don’t forget the neighborhood kids need some cash. Hire them. Encourage them.
Around here, the neighborhood boys are about to make money watering all of Mrs. Screencaps’ plants while we’re on vacation.
‘That was a great read’
• Brent P. writes:
Every day I read screencaps, and each time a say to myself “that was a good read”. Some days I say “that was great read”.
(Wednesday) was a great read.
John in Houston shocked me with his reveal of being an Ivy leaguer and a pecan farmer.
Then you have Mike T revealing his Peacock pride. My wife and have watched every episode of Dateline Secrets Uncovered. I declared to her that Keith Morrison is the only one I want to give my eulogy when I pass, and Gordon Ramsey is to narrate my celebration of life video.
Brent, it’s not always easy. Writing a column six days a week for months and months on end without many breaks — my last day off was in early June — could mean that the content really starts to suffer as you guys get burnt out on Screencaps. That’s why it’s so important for readers like Harvard Grad John in Houston to come along and shake things up.
It’s like introducing a new character on a soap opera or Big Brother rolling out a shocking twist that shakes up the house.
And with that, we roll on. I have meeting to attend and the Internet to decipher for the readers. Have a great day at work. Preseason NFL action starts a week from tonight.