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Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer has some advice if you are unhappy with your quarantine hair — fix it yourself.
“If you’re one of those people that’s going to Ohio I hope and pray that you are doing your part not to bring COVID-19 home,” Whitmer said, according to MLive. “If you haven’t resorted to that, Google how to do a haircut, or throw your hair in a ponytail or curl it and get through the next couple of weeks so we can resume some of these things.”
I’m not going to give my thoughts on if reopening salons and barbershops should’ve been included in Phase 4 of Michigan’s plan. I will, however, warn you this is a bad idea. While long, out of control hair sucks and could ruin a date, nothing hurts worse than a bad D.I.Y. haircut. (Trust me…)
The internet is a cruel place that isn’t accepting of excuses. That hasn’t changed during the pandemic. If one side of your hair is too thin, the other is not even, and it’s not shaved well on the sides — you’ll hear about it. There was a time where long hair was frowned upon. Luckily, Justin Bieber made it cool in 2010. It has stayed there even once he cut his.
Bad haircuts, which is what “Googling” and doing it yourself will result in, has never been in style. If Joe Exotic didn’t change the narrative, it ain’t happening. (Well, unless Bradley Cooper wants to help us out.)
#JoeExotic, the star of Netflix series ‘Tiger King’, will have to hand over ownership of his zoo to his nemesis #CaroleBaskin https://t.co/U5msl05l7n pic.twitter.com/J91qB3h6WN
— Arab News (@arabnews) June 2, 2020
Now, this advice does not factor in bald guys. Many of them don’t need barbers. But not everyone can pull off that look. Bald boxing insider Mike Coppinger explained this to Outkick last week. “You need the beard, too,” per Coppinger. Not sure everyone is willing to make two drastic changes to their image at once, though.
At this point, as a Michigander, I’d be fine with us reopening salons and barbershops last. After all, we are accustomed to last place. Examples: Red Wings 2019-20 season, Tigers power rankings, Lions 0-16 season, the road construction, losing to Ohio State, I’ll stop there.