Game of Thrones Season Seven, Episode 4

Confession: once this episode leaked online I couldn't resist watching it early from my Costa Rican hotel room. But I watched it again with my wife tonight and I have to tell you, it was just as good the second time as the first time that I watched it. Simply stupendous.

Here was my post-show reaction on Periscope and Facebook Live.

And here was Facebook Live:

1. Jaime pays Bronn from the wagons full of gold from inside High Garden. 

But Bronn wants more than the bag of gold he receives.

"That's a lot of money I just gave you," Jaime says.

"It's not a castle," Bronn says.

Amen. This is why Bronn's become my favorite character on the show -- no one is more honest than him. He tells you exactly what he thinks and what his motivations are.

2. Cersei repays the iron bank. 

The banker points out this is the fastest he's ever been repaid.

And now he says he'll support Cersei in whatever additional needs she might have.

3. Lord Baelish gives the dagger to Bran that someone tried to kill him with after Jaime pushed him off the castle wall in season one.

How did Baelish get this dagger? (Readers report Catelynn gave the dagger to Baelish after Baelish had previously lost the dagger to Tyrion.)

As I watch this scene I'm left thinking, who is creepier Bran or Baelish? I just can't get past Bran's scene last week where he told Sansa he watched her get raped on her wedding night. Dude, you see everything and this is what you chose to tell your sister the first time you see her? Not that Jon's actually a Targareyen and the son of your aunt Lyanna. Not that the white walkers are coming and they will try and kill everyone. Not that Arya is still alive and can now become pretty much anyone and kill people like crazy. Not that dragons are back.

You tell your sister you watched her get raped on her wedding night?

Creepy. Ass. Bran.

Anyway, Bran says, "I'm not Lord Stark."

And, like most of you, I have no idea why Baelish gives Bran the knife. Or whether Baelish really doesn't know who owned the dagger and tried to kill Bran. Bigger question, why doesn't Bran know who tried to kill him? He can see everything, wouldn't he have wanted to see this? (Creepy Bran thought, does Bran know Baelish is partly responsible and give Arya the knife so she can kill him with it?)

"Chaos is a ladder," Bran says. So now Bran's quoting Baelish to let him know he's aware of what he's up to. (I think that's the best line on the show, by the way).

4. Meera Reed comes to tell Bran she's leaving him because when the white walkers come she needs to be with her family.

"Thank you for helping me," says Bran. This is pretty normal when you consider Creepy Bran, but Meera is not pleased. She wants more than a thank you. "My brother died for you. Hodor...I almost died for you. Bran..."

"I'm not really, not anymore. I remember what it felt like to be Brandon Stark. But I remember so much else now."

Meera: "You died in that cave."

5. Arya arrives at Winterfell.

It's a Stark family reunion!

"I'm Arya Stark, this is my home," she says when he arrives at the castle entrance. The guards laugh and don't believe her. "Tell Sansa her sister's home."

Good question for you guys: which surviving Stark is the most scarred at this point? Sansa, Arya, Bran or Jon Snow? They're all pretty fucked up. I'd rank them thusly: 1. Bran 2. Arya 3. Sansa 4. Jon

This is not the family you want to marry into and have to spend Thanksgiving with them for the next fifty years.

Sansa finds Arya in the Stark crypt. "Do I have to call you Lady Stark now?" Arya asks. The two have a big hug, but Sansa says that Arya does have to call her Lady Stark now. This seems weird, right? Is she joking or is this a sign of Sansa changing?

"You shouldn't have run from the guards," Sansa says.

"I didn't run, you need better guards," Arya says.

Sansa is eager for Jon to see Arya: "When he sees you, his heart will probably stop." Nice unintentional humor there.

"They say you killed Joffrey, did you?" asks Arya.

"I wish I had," Sansa says.

"Me too," Arya says. "I was angry when I heard someone else had done it. However long my list got he was always first."

"Your list," Sansa says.

"Of people I'm going to kill," Arya says to Sansa's laughter.

6. Creepy ass Bran meets Arya by the tree. 

Bran says: "I saw you at the crossroads...I thought you might go to King's Landing...Cersei's on her list of names."

Arya recognizes that the dagger is a Valeyrian steel dagger. Who was responsible for trying to kill Bran? Was that a Jaime or Cersei decision? Did they both agree to kill Bran? Regardless, this is Jaime's dagger, right? So what's Baelish's play here? The Starks are already allied against Cersei and Arya already wants to kill the queen. What's really going on with this dagger? Other than giving Arya an opportunity to fight the White Walkers and not die, this dagger doesn't seem very useful to the overall story right now.

Bran gives the dagger to Arya. "It's wasted on a cripple," he says.

7. Jon Snow takes Daenerys in the cave to show her the dragon glass. 

"There is something else I want to show you, your grace," he says.

Surprisingly, it's not his penis.

At least not yet.

Jon takes Daenerys to the the Children of the Forest cave drawings. The children of the forest and the first men are there together in the drawings. "They fought together against their common enemy...We need to do the same if we're going to survive. The enemy is real. It's always been real," Jon says.

The camera then pans to a white walker cave drawing.

Wow, tell me the hair on your arms didn't stand up when you saw this.

Daenerys replies: "I will fight for you. I will fight for the North when you bend the knee."

Jon isn't willing to do that yet: "My people won't accept a Southern ruler. Not after everything they've suffered," he says.

"They will if their king does," Daenerys replies. "Isn't their survival more important than your pride?"

Just as it seems possible Jon and Daenerys are going to have incredibly hot, good looking people sex in the cave -- this is inevitable, right? -- Tyrion arrives with bad news about what happened at High Garden.

Daenerys, "All my allies are gone. They've been taken from me while I've been sitting here on this island." Then she lashes out at Tyrion: "The right plan?...Our enemies? Your family, you mean. Perhaps you don't want to hurt them (your family) after all. Enough with the clever plans. I have three large dragons I'm going to fly them to the Red Keep...What kind of a queen am I if I'm not willing to risk my life to fight them?"

Then she turns to Jon: "I'm at war, I'm losing, what do you think I should do?"

Jon Snow responds: "The people who follow you know that you made something impossible happen. Maybe that helps them believe that you can make other impossible things happen, build a world that's different than the shit one that they've always known, but if you use them (the dragons) to melt castles and burn cities you're not different, you're just more of the same."

8. Arya shows Lady Brienne her dagger and says she wants to train with her.

Brienne suggests Arya needs a bigger sword, but then the two have an incredible fight scene.

"Who taught you how to do that?" Lady Brienne asks, as they fight to a draw.

"No one," Arya says.

That's a bad ass answer that continues to help assuage my disappointment over the neverending Arya traveling years on this show.

Baelish watches the two women fight and then bows.

What the hell is he up to?

Baelish isn't on Arya's to kill list...yet.

But Arya's definitely killing him, right?

9. Davos and Jon are walking together and Davos remarks on Jon's growing interest in the queen. 

Jon describes being attracted to her good heart.

Davos is having none of it: "A good heart? I've noticed you staring at her good heart."

And then, he continues, "Speaking of good hearts, Missandei."

Is Davos going to make a play for Grey Worm's girl here? He's older, but he's got a dick that works. Don't ever discount the old dude with the dick that works, those guys can make more plays than you'd expect. They're veterans.

Missandei with the good heart says, "She's not our queen because she's the daughter of some king we never knew. She's the queen we chose."

10. Theon returns to Dragon Stone to find Jon Snow waiting for him on the beach.

Theon meekly says: "Jon, didn't know you were here. Sansa, is she alright?"

"What you did for her is the only reason I'm not killing you," Jon says.

Theon is looking for Daenerys to help him get Yara back.

"The Queen is gone," Jon says.

But where did she go?

11. We return to the Lannister army, where we began the episode.

Jaime congratulates one of his troops, whose name is Dickon, on his brave fighting.

Bronn laughs because Bronn is awesome and every man on earth would laugh if a man were named Dickon. Speaking of which, Dickon is incredibly good looking, maybe the best looking man on the show other than my twin Benjen Stark. (Also, Dickon is Samwell's brother. Talk about genetic variance.)

"Men shit themselves when they die, didn't they teach you that at fancy lad school." Bronn says. But before the talk of battle can continue, Bronn hears something in the distance, it's hooves hitting the ground.

Here come the Dothraki and the dragons! And Daenerys in the lead, riding a dragon, wiping out everyone with fire when she says, "Dracaris." Then come the Dothraki riding through the fire and I have to tell you holy hell this entire scene is fucking awesome.

Even if I have no idea how the logistics on this attack work. How did Daenerys move all the Dothraki so quickly to catch the Lannister army returning to King's Landing? Is this even possible?

"Dracaris!"

Jaime refuses to flee and stays to fight, refusing to abandon his army. "Archers," yells Jaime as we watch from the dragon's perspective as the dragon lays waste to the Lannister army. Then Jaime asks Bronn to go get the anti-dragon weapon. Bronn suggests Jaime do it, but Jaime points out that he only has one good hand and can't shoot.

As this is all happening I mock the dragon slayer weapon. Do we really believe in this thing? Shouldn't the dragon just be able to dodge this?

On his way to the anti-dragon weapon, Bronn's horse's leg is cut and he loses his money in the resulting fall. Worst of all, the Dothraki is in hot pursuit of Bronn, who leaves behind his money, but continues to the dragon slayer weapon. Ultimately Bronn gets to the weapon and kills his Dothraki pursuer with it.

Tyrion -- so Tyrion was able to get there too? Not just Daenerys? Did they fly on the dragon together? -- watches the Lannister's being crushed as the Dothraki beside him says, "Your people can't fight."

Back on the battlefield Bronn takes aim at the dragon and misses with the first shot. Then he reloads and the dragon charges him. Miraculously Bronn hits the dragon and it seems for a moment the dragon will collapse. But then the dragon destroys the dragon slayer weapon and Bronn narrowly avoids the fiery death.

The wounded dragon lands -- how hurt is he? Surely he's not going to die, right? -- and Daenerys tries to pull the weapon from the dragon's skin. At this point, in one of the bravest moves in show history, Jaime decides to charge the dragon.

Tryion sees Jaime on the battlefield: "Flee you idiot," he says. Then as he sees Jaime charge for the dragon he says, "You idiot. You fucking idiot."

And then... Jaime is tackled tackled into the water right as the dragon spurts fire that would have killed him.

So who saves Jaime? It's Bronn, right? Or could it be Dickon? Saved by the Dickon? (Several of you read the pirated script and say it's Bronn. Also, this picture pretty much confirms it was Bronn).

Regardless both men are wearing armor so will they drown in the lake? Or will they escape drowning and become prisoners of Daenerys? If so is there any doubt that Bronn switches sides and joins Daenerys now?

I mean, there's no way Jaime dies like this, right?

Zero chance.

I think he becomes a prisoner.