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We’re two episodes into “Game of Thrones” season seven and thus far we’ve had mostly slow moving stories bookended by extreme violence — the opening scene when Arya kills all the Freys and now Euron Greyjoy’s surprise attack on Yara’s fleet of ships. Otherwise this season has been fairly quiet.
If you missed our immediate live reaction to episode two you can go watch that here.
Game of Thrones reaction show. https://t.co/rQcc4hBdmx
— Clay Travis (@ClayTravis) July 24, 2017
And with that in mind here comes my article on episode two.
1. Varys vs. Daenerys
The episode opens in Dragonstone — a stormy night much like the one she was born into — with Daenerys threatening Varys based upon his lack of loyalty over the years to the different rulers on the iron throne.
“If you ever betray me, I’ll burn you alive,” Daenerys says.
“I would expect nothing else from the mother of dragons,” Varys responds.
2. Melisandre returns to Dragonstone, aka the scene of her vagina monster being unleashed to kill Renly Baratheon, to meet Daenerys.
Something about this entire scene feels off, it’s as if they’ve decided to film it with cartoonish amounts of make up caked on both Daenerys and Melisandre’s face. It almost looks more like a video game than a TV show. Did something not work on this scene’s filming? Did they try and rework a scene to change what the conversation was? Something was just off with this scene and I can’t figure out exactly what it was.
It almost looked like they made a late change here to avoid a spoiler leaking online.
As is Melisandre and Daenerys make a point of discussing the prophesied return of the prince or princess who has been foretold. I don’t know exactly what the story is here, but something about this scene just didn’t seem right to me.
Regardless, Melisandre wants Daenerys to meet Jon Snow and so, at long last, it might actually happen.
3. Jorah’s greyscale infection has worsened to the point where the maester gives him six months to have his brain still function normally.
Even worse than that, the maester tells Jorah they will give him one day until they exile him.
Unhappy with that verdict Sam embarks upon a research assignment to uncover a way to cure greyscale, but that way is said to be forbidden because of how dangerous it is.
Which means…Samwell to the rescue time.
4. Cersei fires an anti-dragon weapon into the dragon skeleton in the crypt.
So far we’ve been focused on so many different story lines that we really haven’t spent much time at all with Cersei or with Tyrion, who have been two of the focal points of the seven seasons so far.
In years past we might go multiple episodes without seeing a particular character — this allowed us to spend more time with individual characters — but this year we seem to be touching on pretty much every major character in every episode. This means the character arcs are shortening. Whereas, for instance, Arya and the Hound spent multiple seasons on the road now the characters are all heading towards the same place. This makes sense because I believe the final season will mostly be a climactic battle between the living and the dead.
Think about it — in this episode we have Jon, Sansa, and Baelish in Winterfell. We’ve got Cersei and Jaime in King’s Landing — Euron was there last episode — and then we have Daenerys’s war council featuring Tyrion, Varys, the Queen of Dorne, Lady Oleanna Tyrell, and Yara Greyjoy all present in one room in Dragonstone.
Sam and Jorah are in the Citadel, but given Sam’s treatment of Jorah it seems likely one or both of these men will be leaving shortly. Even Bran Stark and Meera Reed, who are at the Wall, are, presumably, working their way towards Winterfell so Bran can inform Jon of what he’s uncovered about his past. When, as seems likely, the wall is breached by the White Walkers, the surviving Knight’s Watch will flee South. Eventually everyone is going to end up in the same place.
Right now only Arya and the Hound are still wondering around without a fixed location. Everyone else is slowly moving towards the same location.
5. “I am not here to be queen of the ashes,” says Daenerys in response to requests that she attack King’s Landing immediately.
Ultimately Tyrion Lannister’s battle plan, which Daenerys has endorsed, requires the Unsullied and the Dothraki to lay siege to the Lannister’s home palace, Casterly Rock, while the armies of Dorne and the Tyrell’s lay siege to Queen Cersei in King’s Landing.
In one of the great all time pep talks, Lady Tyrell tells Daenerys, “You’re a dragon, be a dragon.”
Meanwhile, everyone seems to overlook the fact that Euron Greyjoy has an entire fleet of ships. Which, you know, seems kind of significant. (Did they forget to give him a peg on the battle map? Big oversight.)
What. A. Sight.
Except Greyworm has no penis so he just has to appreciate Missandei without a penis, which seems like cruel and unusual punishment.
This is the hottest sex scene on HBO since “True Detective Season One” when Alexandra Daddario has a romp with Woody Harrelson’s character. Not that you’re into seeing really good looking women naked, but if you are and you haven’t seen that scene, here you go.
Greyworm’s inability to have sex reminds me that there are now three men in prominent positions without penises on Game of Thrones — Varys, Theon, and Greyworm.
I haven’t seen this many men without penises since ESPN unveiled its newest programming schedule.
7. Samwell undertakes to remove Jorah’s greyscale.
Prior to the surgery he gives him a couple of shots of rum, which seems way too little, and has him bite on leather.
And by “surgery” I mean he’s just yanking off his skin one piece of greyscale at a time. I have no idea how any human could survive this.
But it seems hard for Samwell to remain in the Citadel after this decision.
8. If you’ve ever wondered whether or not you should eat bread, Hot Pie is now roughly 400 pounds.
All he does is eat and bake bread all day long. (In real life too). So don’t eat bread.
Hot Pie lets Arya know that Jon Snow is now in charge of Winterfell and just like that Arya changes her destination; killing Queen Cersei can wait, she’s headed to Winterfell.
Could we now get a Stark family reunion in Winterfell? Sansa and Jon are there. Bran is presumably en route to Winterfell and Arya could soon be there too. Sure, Ned, Catelyn, Rob, and Rickon are all dead now, but at least we still have half the Stark family alive.
9. Jon decides to go meet Daenerys and try to garner her aid against the White Walkers.
While everyone else is focused on the Iron Throne, Jon is the only King worried about the White Walkers so far.
With Jon’s departure Sansa is left in charge at Winterfell. Leaving us all wondering what a smirking Lord Baelish is plotting to make happen.
Standing alongside the Ned Stark statue in the Winterfell crypt, Baelish approaches Jon, who says, “You don’t belong down here.” Baelish confesses that he loves Sansa as he loved Catelyn too and then Jon grabs Baelish by the throat and shoves him back against the wall, “Touch my sister and I’ll kill you myself,” he says.
Then Jon, accompanied by Davos who will now return to Dragonstone for the first time since he left with Stannis Baratheon, waves goodbye to Sansa as she stands watching him in the snowfall.
There are still many details to be resolved surrounding Jon Snow’s parentage. Remember that Baelish appears to know Jon isn’t Ned’s bastard. Does he know Jon is Rhaegar and Lyanna’s son? Perhaps. We need Bran to complete his reverie inside the past to know for sure. And so far the Game of Thrones writers have refused to allow us see that full story.
Remember, there is still the possibility that Jon has a twin sister, Meera Reed, as well.
This would potentially mean the prophesied three-headed dragon could be Jon, Meera, and Daenerys, all three of whom would be Targaryen’s. As is, I struggle to understand why Meera Reed exists otherwise. She has to have a role in this story at some point.
By the way, can you think of any show ever made where two iconic characters like Jon Snow and Daenerys have never actually been in a scene together? I mean, we’re seven seasons into the show and their character arcs have never intersected before.
That’s unheard of.
But it may finally happen next week.
10. Arya’s meets her dire wolf on the road.
Then she says, “That’s not you,” as the dire wolf leaves, which is an echo of a conversation she had with Ned Stark in season one.
Here’s that conversation if you don’t remember it.
— Ryan Halverson (@ryanthalverson) July 24, 2017
So what is resolved in this discussion between Arya and her dire wolf? We don’t know. Did seeing the wolf remind Arya that she shouldn’t travel to Winterfell and should continue to pursue her own path? That’s my best guess. Otherwise the scene didn’t mean anything.
We’ll have to wait and see though.
11. Euron Greyjoy attacks Yara and her fleet in the midst of a would be lesbian interlude.
“Why are you standing all the way over there then, a foreign invasion is underway,” the Queen of Dorne says to Theon.
And just as we’re about to get a lesbian show, bang, Euron Greyjoy is out there killing people left and right. Two of the Sand Snakes, and their perfect boobs, are killed by Euron and he takes Yara prisoner.
Confronted with his sister held hostage by Euron, Theon elects to make a business decision and dive overboard. (Could Gendry finally show up in the row boat and save him?)
Now we know the gift Euron has planned for Queen Cersei, it’s the Queen of Dorne and the remaining Sand Snake. Now Cersei can extract her revenge over the Queen of Dorne’s murder of her daughter Myrcella.
The only uncertainty I have here is why did Euron keep Yara alive? What does he have to gain by this? In theory shouldn’t he have immediately killed her since she is the only other Greyjoy with a claim on the throne?
We’ll have to see next week.