Florida Woman Stabbed A Minivan With A Pitchfork

A woman was arrested this week outside of a Publix in Clermont, Florida. She reportedly stabbed a minivan with a pitchfork.

Prior to the incident with the minivan, the woman was selling teddy bears in front of the grocery store. The man who had his vehicle stabbed didn’t want police called and offered to pay for the damages himself.

Dashcam video from a Florida Highway Patrol vehicle shows 56-year-old Lisa Slone walking around in front of the grocery store with a pitchfork and whip in her hands.

Just another day in Central Florida

The arrest report states that when the trooper arrived on the scene he witnessed a woman yelling and waving a pitchfork and whip around in front of the store’s main entrance. He handcuffed Slone when she refused to stop.

Once handcuffed and in the back of the trooper’s vehicle, Slone began yelling and kicking the windows. This earned her leg restraints to prevent damage to the trooper’s vehicle.

The trooper noted that Slone appeared to be “highly intoxicated on some sort of stimulant drug.” After being asked about cuts and bruises on her face, she reportedly told police that “she felt no pain anymore and that God was in control.”

It’s certainly an interesting business strategy

Slone was booked into the Lake County Jail. She is facing a charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon without intent to kill, a third-degree felony.

I’ve never sold teddy bears anywhere, let alone outside of a grocery store, so I can’t really comment on whether or not the pitchfork and whip are needed. I assume they’re not.

I also assume that those particular items might actually hurt business, but I’m no expert. Who’s to say she’s not onto something here. I didn’t see any other teddy bear businesses mentioned in the news.

On a serious note, I hope she gets some help. Stabbing minivans with pitchforks isn’t on the path to success. Stay weird Florida!

Written by Sean Joseph

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