Florida Woman Has Wild Reason For Stabbing Her Sister With EpiPen

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Florida woman Joanna Zielinski claims to know exactly what it is going to take to sober up her drunken sister? She just needed to be stabbed a few times and it would snap her right out of a good drunk, according to Zielinski who was arrested Thursday for driving an EpiPen into her sister.

“I’m allergic to drunks, so I injected her with the EpiPen so she wouldn’t be drunk anymore; what’s the big deal?” Joanna told the Naples Police Department.

According to the police report, Joanna and her sister were drinking when the sister went to sleep on the couch. Jo Jo stayed up and kept tying one on and doing drugs, cops allege. At some point, Jo Jo thought it would be a good idea to take her EpiPen and sober up her drunken sister.

Look, it’s not the craziest of ideas Florida Woman has come up with over the years. WebMD states that “Epinephrine acts quickly to improve breathing, stimulate the heart, raise a dropping blood pressure, reverse hives, and reduce swelling of the face, lips, and throat.”

Medics say Jo Jo didn’t stab her sister correctly to inject the medication. What would it have done? It’s unclear. WebMD doesn’t cover scenarios like a drunken, possibly drugged up sister freaking out and shoving an Epi into her sleeping sister. That said, I think WebMD should have a Florida Woman section with crazy scenarios like this one.

It’s time for these medical sites to have Florida hypotheticals. They should let people conjure up insane scenarios and then address them. In fact, hire Jo Jo to be a site consultant.

One minute Thirsty Thursday is going smooth. The next minute someone has an EpiPen sticking out of their neck. Address it, WebMD.

via Collier County Sherriff’s Office

Written by Joe Kinsey

Joe Kinsey is the Senior Director of Content of OutKick and the editor of the Morning Screencaps column that examines a variety of stories taking place in real America.

Kinsey is also the founder of OutKick’s Thursday Night Mowing League, America’s largest virtual mowing league.

Kinsey graduated from University of Toledo.


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