Florida Gator fans have been able to avoid our awkward fan photo series thus far.
But that’s about to end.
You know football season is getting close when I wake up, check my email, and there’s an absolute deluge of trash talk photos of rival fan bases submitted to OKTC. And this morning we got a double dose of Florida Gator tattoo fandom.
Secretly, Florida Gator fans like to believe that they’re not as redneck as the rest of the SEC fan bases. That may be true for south Florida, but have you ever been to north Florida? The area around Gainesville has so many rednecks living nearby that it makes Mississippi State fans blush.
That’s why we’re proud to inaugurate the Gators in the awkward fan tattoo club.
From reader Mitch comes the most detailed etmyology of a fan tattoo yet.
“The picture appears to have been posted to the Facebook wall of The Weather Channel’s Stephanie Abrams…. While the tat certainly does not reside on her the photo was apparently posted on her wall by a Judith White from Looking Glass Tattoo & Gallery since Miss Abrams is a Gator alum. The tattoo sits forever proudly on the leg of a Jeremy Francis.”
Oh, my, this is outstanding.
Let me count the ways I love it:
1. The setting sun in the background.
The sun going down makes this a classy tattoo.
2. The hairy leg.
If you really look close at a hairy leg, it’s pretty disgusting. And it’s hard not to look closely at a hairy leg when this tattoo is on it.
3. Why is the gator standing on two legs?
And imagine how much different the world would be if alligators could walk on two feet. How terrifying would this be? You go for an airboat tour in the Everglades, come around the bend, and a 14 foot alligator is towering over you?
Is anyone ever getting in an airboat again?
What would Troy and Jacob Landry do?
4. The hallucinogenic pinwheel like design.
Stare at this tattoo long enough and you’ll fail a drug test.
Which means you’re basically a Florida Gator player.
By the way, true story, when my oldest son turned 3 and wanted to play cobs and robbers, I called the game, cops and gators. In his mind the terms robber and gator mean the same thing. Which was certainly true when Urban Meyer was coach.
5. The goal post has a shadow.
It’s this kind of detail that makes this the Sistine Chapel of alligators standing on two feet tattoos.
6. Maybe it’s just me, but it looks like the gator is trying to get the Gator helmet to fellate him.
Or making sweet love to the helmet?
Which is downright incestuous.
(In related news, a thousand Alabama fans just got tattoos of the Alabama helmet fellating Big Al.)
7. If you adopt my sexual reading of the tattoo, then the Gator’s mouth isn’t open to scare you.
It’s open in a kind of post-coital Gator ecstasy.
8. But at least this Gator fan wasn’t trying to become a gator.
This Florida fan was.
Is it just me or does this tattoo make you gag a little bit?
Does it have to be so graphic on the edges? Yuck.
Welcome to the awkward fan tattoo club, Gator fans.
And, ladies, I bet these men are single.
Get. On. It.
At OKTC we ridicule all awkward fan photos equally.
Humor doesn’t discriminate — although it does feature Kentucky and Alabama fans at alarming frequency.
As always, feel free to share your awkward fan photos by emailing or tweeting them to me. email@example.com or the Twitter feed on the right side of the page, @claytravisbgid