Five New Names That Can Honor The Redskins History And Appease The Mob

The Washington Redskins released a statement today saying they will “undergo a thorough review of the team’s name” as financial pressure mounts from sponsors to change the name of the franchise that has stood since 1932.

“In light of recent events around our country and feedback from our community, the Washington Redskins are announcing the team will undergo a thorough review of the team’s name. This review formalizes the initial discussions the team has been having with the league in recent weeks,” the statement said.

Financial pressure has been mounting via sponsors and climaxed today with stadium naming rights sponsor FedEx requesting the team change its name. Pepsi, which signed a 10-year deal in 2011 with the NFL that pays roughly $90 million a year, has also requested the team change its name.

Add it all up and it appears the Redskins won’t make it through this round of social justice outrage and the team will be changing its name. At this point imagine the uproar if Daniel Snyder doesn’t pull the plug. He’s trying to get a new stadium, FedEx says change it and Pepsi is pretty much sliding into Roger Goodell’s DMs saying it’s time for the Redskins to go.

Now start thinking of directions the Redskins can go here to appease the SJW mob.

Warriors — this one has made it through the NBA mob outrage meat grinder so it should be safe, use a spear logo

Renegades — can use the script R, change the logo but could still be sold to folks

Red Hawks — long-shot because of the Miami Red Hawks, but Washington could keep the R work feathers into the logo

Braves — probably another long-shot since Atlanta is still going strong and this change will be all about merchandising

Natives — keep the logo, colors, script, but change the name

How about some off-the-wall name ideas. Loosen the mood around here on a Friday when people are trying to enjoy 4th of July weekend and not stroke out.

Written by Joe Kinsey

I'm an Ohio guy, born in Dayton, who roots for Ohio State and can handle you guys destroying the Buckeyes, Urban Meyer and everything associated with Columbus.

9 Comments

Leave a Reply
  1. Washington NFL Club.

    Nobody can get offended about a name if there isn’t a name. European association football clubs do it. They’ve went ‘Redskins’ for 87 years. If they’re forced to retire that name, then just retire the name concept entirely. Treat it as if you’re going from Madden NFL 98 to Madden Football 64.

  2. To change the name properly, the new name has to have the same syllables and number of letters as the Redskins. Then Add it to the fight song to see if it works:

    ‘Hail to the Pumpkins’ sort of works, but it doesn’t go with ‘Braves on the war path…’ unless it’s a path of pumpkins ?

  3. Hey Joe,
    Gotta keep the cameo logo…one of the best, most recognizable in sports (and I’m a “Big Blue”/”G-Men” fan my whole life lol).
    How ’bout the Washington Monuments? Nah…the logo would have to be changed.
    Cheers,
    Rick

  4. I admit to hating the Name being changed, however, if one must kneel to the mob, I say politely stick a finger in their eye while doing so.

    I like the idea to rename the Team as the Washington Servicemen (h/t Bob Davenport for the idea)…a different Branch of the military is honored with unique uniforms every 4 games.

  5. Apparently there are meetings to address the Cleveland Indians now. Like Clay and others have mentioned, this never ends. At what point do Tiger mascots become offensive? The portrayal of an aggressive tiger may perhaps be a gross misrepresentation of a noble animal. We could advance these crazy rationales to get rid of virtually anything that represents anything else today.

  6. A giant UPC logo and done!

    “Hail to the barcodes”… “Hail to anonymity”… “Clones on the bike path”… “No longer fight for what used to be D.C.!”

Leave a Reply