Environmental Wokes Want To Stop Cow Farts & Burps Via ‘Methane Suppressants’ To Save The Planet

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They came for your gas stoves, your gas lawnmowers, your leaf blowers and now they’re coming after cows.

Over in the U.K., farmers could soon be forced to give their dairy cows “methane suppressants” to reduce the gases released when their dairy cows rip a far or belch. It turns out, according to the climate experts, that one way to save the earth — along with confiscating your gas stoves and landscaping tools — is to prevent the milk producers from blasting ass and letting a firm belch loose.


Do you even care about Earth, bro?

(Photo by LOU BENOIST / AFP) (Photo by LOU BENOIST/AFP via Getty Images)

The UK’s Net Zero Growth Plan, which was released last week, details how the government plans to reach its 2050 climate goal and one of the detailed objectives centers on giving the cows supplements starting in 2025 that would reduce emissions by 20% over a five-year period ending in 2030.

And if you think the climate wokes will stop with the farting cows, you’re crazy. One former government adviser says sheep could soon join the ranks of those animals having their farts suppressed.


The climate community contends that globally, cows, sheep, and other animals are behind 14% of “human-induced climate emissions.” Tom Bradshaw, from the National Farmers’ Union, tells The Guardian that most of those emissions actually come from belching out “the front end rather than the back end.”

Are you still laughing over governments studying animal farts?

It turns out this isn’t a new field of study. The Guardian reported in 2019 that scientists have a working hypothesis that large dinosaur farts “may have changed the Earth’s climate.”

You’re damn right I’m sitting down on a Friday night and watching a report on that subject. You give me some sort of hour-long PBS special where scientists are talking about dinosaur farts and I’m passing up the Women’s NCAA Basketball Tournament in a heartbeat.

Buckle up for this quote from The Guardian:

“This certainly makes them a strong contender for the animal with the farts that do the most damage to the planet.”

It turns out cow farts are weapons of mass destruction and we could all die from this.

For those who don’t remember, 2019 was a huge year for cow farts. The Associated Press even had to fact-check Democratic Senator Debbie Stabenow of Michigan who got all triggered over a Mitch McConnell quote about cow farts.

“The Republican majority leader said that we want to end air travel and cow farts,” Stabenow said at the time. “By the way, just for the record, cows don’t fart. They belch.”

Now here we are in 2023 and U.K. cows are about to be given Gas-X, or something like it, to stop the farts that are destroying the ozone layer.

#neverforget they’re coming for your gas stove, your mower, your car, your leaf blower and every other appliance or tool they can claim is destroying the planet.

Cows are next up. You’ll eat genetically-modified beef and like it.

Written by Joe Kinsey

Joe Kinsey is the Senior Director of Content of OutKick and the editor of the Morning Screencaps column that examines a variety of stories taking place in real America.

Kinsey is also the founder of OutKick’s Thursday Night Mowing League, America’s largest virtual mowing league.

Kinsey graduated from University of Toledo.

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