Emily Elizabeth Has The Bikini Game Dialed In, Mike Tyson’s $2.2 Million Bath Tub & The Titans Schedule Release Deserves An Emmy

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‘Hey, where weren’t the IG links showing on Thursday?’

I don’t know. I spent half of my Thursday morning running tests to determine the issue because the images were showing on desktop. Red flags didn’t go up until Wyn in Colorado said there were issues on iOS. Around noon, I had OutKick Culture Department ace SeanJo running Android tests, which were failing until our IT guys refired our servers and suddenly the IG links were loading on Android.

Try to stay calm if the IGs below aren’t loading. Meta/Facebook/Zuck has these things pop up from time to time.

We’ll get through this.

Millennial Mike asked for ‘Dadvice’ that he can use on his 4-year-old and you guys delivered – Round 2

Millennial Mike is loving where this project is headed.

• Mike writes:

We already stuck gold with the Dadvice! Keep ‘em coming, I’m compiling a long list!

• Allen K. writes:

As a senior in high school my son went on a retreat; the teacher asked for letters from dads to their sons.

Mine was read aloud to the group and contained the following bullet points:

  • Take responsibility for your actions.
  • Go to church.
  • Earn, manage and invest money well (we’ll open an account for you).
  • Never stop learning.
  • Make life choices that are in your best interest (but don’t be selfish).
  • Be aware of your surroundings.
  • Don’t hide from a problem, solve it.  Don’t just hope it goes away.
  • Do what needs to be done without complaining.
  • Watch your language, especially when you’re not around your peers.
  • Speak clearly and focus on the person to whom you are speaking.
  • Have a firm handshake and look them in the eye.
  • You are known by the company you keep.
  • Understand that others have different perspectives and views than you.  It’s OK.
  • Always say ‘Thank you’ and send handwritten thank you notes.
  • Spend less than you earn.
  • Don’t settle for a girlfriend.  The right one will come along.
  • When you go out, dress like you’re going to meet the love of your life.
  • Call your mom.
  • Don’t let life happen to you.  Make the life you want.

My favorite:

  • You can take the last piece of pizza or the last beer, but not both.

Also, here’s a pic taken at the bottom of the Grand Canyon a few years ago.

• Danny from Palmetto, GA writes:

Joe a couple of things my dad instilled in me when I was younger and “knew” everything!!

You think you have it bad because you have no shoes until you come across the man that has no feet!!

The thing about beating your head against the wall!! Is it feels so good when you stop!!!

It’s better to keep your mouth shut and let everyone think you’re stupid rather than opening it and proving it!!

Is the glass half full or half empty??neither !! The glass is two sizes too big!!

Have a great weekend!!!

• Pete in Arizona has ‘Dadvice’ :

Something I was told many years ago that seems even more applicable today.

It is called the ‘Universal Equine Equation’.

‘At any particular time, there are more horse’s asses in the world than horses’. 

• Bill H. always plays by his own rules. He had multiple things to write about Thursday, but there’s Dadvice in here, so I’m including it in this section. Bill writes:

As far as getting Yuengling Brew more shelf space, remember, this is still way early in the  AB cold shoulder results. Plus, in many chain stores, shelf space is, for lack of a better word, “purchased” for best visibility and marketing. We humans have a tendency to not look higher than our heads, lower than our knees or deeper in than a couple of rows. Observe store shelves the next time you are in one.

One has to admire the sages that have contributed to worldly words of advice, thus far. Here are a few extras:

Don’t sweat the petty stuff and don’t pet the sweaty stuff.

If you have to think twice about doing something, it’s probably wrong.

Don’t argue with an idiot… uh idiot. (You will immediately spot one when using “there’s” when “there are” is correct. (Their, they’re now!)

Me to my teenage son – Don’t shit a shitter.

Me consistently to my grandson – Situational awareness!

Mom to me – Don’t judge a book by its cover (applied to any person)

and lastly,

Look out for #1. Don’t step in #2.

Another topic:

Did someone you know ever use a phrase that seemed unique only to them?

My Dad used to say this phrase when describing the speed of an event: (It was done faster…”than a cat could lick its ass.” meaning that the length of time wasn’t too short, but(t) not too long either.

• Michael J. out in Chiraq writes:

Plenty of quality stuff so far.  Here’s some of my favorites. 

It’s only a mistake if you don’t learn from it. 

A man who believes he cannot do something is rarely proven wrong. 

Deflect all credit and accept all blame (this is huge with leadership positions).

If you bump into someone.  Apologize regardless of who is at fault. 

Hold doors for everyone you can. 

The only reason you should be worried about how much someone else has.  Is to make sure they have enough. 

Don’t try things…. do things. 

Self-confidence is the first step towards greatness. 

It’s not a lie……if you believe it(I know that’s George Costanza from Seinfeld. But it’s a good way to recognize where other people are coming from with their viewpoints.

Work hard not to offend.  Work harder to not be offended. 

A heart at peace gives life to the body but envy rots the bones. 

• Chris S. writes:

I told my kids two main things:

Be a kind person

Leave every place you go, better than when you got there.

• Greg S. in NH has ‘Dadvice’ that is easy to remember:

My dad has taught me many things but I will always remember this piece of advice he gave 16 year old me on a Sunday afternoon as we drove to play our weekly round of golf………

If a girl tells you she is on the pill, don’t believe her.

That was my father-son sex talk!

• Pxlfxrwhite in Columbus writes:

My Dad, an mechanical engineer had lots of usage advice to me grown up but the one most repeated and the one that stuck was: A young bull and on old bull stood on a hill looking down at the females of the breed below them. Young bull says “let’s charge down there and have us a cow.” Older bull says. “Let’s walk down and have them all!”

This came up every time I was rushing into most any project. Take your time and do it right. Right once is better that 10 times half-assed.

Never forgot that.

• Mark the Motorcyle Rider from Kalifornia writes:

Actually advice from my mom, many years ago: ‘Your whole life, you’re going to have to do things you don’t want to do.’ Even to this day (I am 74y/o) when I come up against something I don’t want to do I remember how my mom was right and I just get on with doing it, don’t waste time pissing and moaning, just get it done.

• Richard K. writes:

SC has become a daily read for me, keep up the good work.

My dad had a lot of sayings, he was just that kind of dad who always looked to teach a lesson.  My kids say I do it to them.  They say I’m “always preaching!”  Like every parent, I’m just hoping they remember a little bit of what I say.

The two I remember most from my childhood:

  1. Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.
  1. Don’t fry bacon naked.

• P. Charles from Spokane, WA writes:

Dad advice from Raylan Givens in the show Justified:

“If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you’re the asshole.” 

• Miles O. in Tennessee writes:

I may be a day late and a dollar short, but to offer my two cents on words of wisdom for the kiddies I would add the usual.

1. Don’t poop where you eat (we all have heard that one)

2. Life’s a biotch then you die.

I told my now 30 something kids that they should always:

1. Keep your school, arrest and work records clean and on the work record, don’t burn your bridges (you will probably need a recommendation in the future).

2. Told my son to never marry a woman who spends money like it grows on trees. Coincidentally, he married a very frugal girl which causes another set of problems, but less life altering.  

3. Told my daughter not to marry a womanizer, drunk or doper, a gambler or a man who won’t work. Still not married because she tends to date these very same types and gets disappointed. Seems to still do the opposite of what we tell her even at 39. Fancy that. I try to tell  her that she will have better luck meeting a good man in church.

I’m sure we all have absorbed some tenants for living from various sources, but good parenting is essential in most every case to try to keep that young one on the straight and narrow and even then it’s still a crap shoot.

Good day and keep up the good work.

• Alex from Boca Raton, FL writes:

Love reading Caps daily.  Longtime reader, first time writer!  Here’s my contribution to the Dadvice column after raising three kids that are now in their mid-twenties outside of Cleveland, Ohio.

Rub some dirt in it.  It’ll be alright.

The “bad news” is that no one cares enough about you to go out of their way to help you achieve your goals.  The “good news” is that no one cares enough about you to go out of their way to stop you from achieving your goals.

Don’t talk about your problems to strangers.  Half of them don’t care and the other half are glad you have them!

If you wait for opportunity “to come knocking”, you’ll be waiting forever.  Go out and find “opportunity”, then wrestle it to the ground and don’t let go.

• Indy Daryl writes:

  • slow down, think it through, and do it right the first time (via dad)
  • DO HARD THINGS (via mom)
  • even if you don’t feel like doing it, do the things you know are good for you (don’t be ruled by your emotions)

• JT writes:

Here’s my two cents for my millennial brother Mike:

You play stupid games you win stupid prizes. 

Your share of the work is the most you can do the best you can do it.

And here’s a couple of things I think my kids need to hear from me me pretty frequently.

I like who you are. I’m proud of you.

Kinsey:

You guys nailed this objective. Millennial Mike might have to shop a book deal and sell this in time for Father’s Day 2024.

MY Cincinnati Reds are playing .432 ball & I’m supposed to be impressed?

• Mark P from Indiana writes:

Joe; I hope you are saving your money for Reds tickets…only 4.5 back on May 11 and 2 weeks to go until June 1 and still have all of our young, big hitters at AAA waiting to contribute! 

I did take a little offense about your comment about the SC men over 50 not asking for more pictures  of SC women over 50…. i think about it this way; why would i want to watch the 86 IU basketball team play in the current year when they are old and slow when i could  instead watch the current team play and it would be much more fun and enjoyable to watch….. time and a place for everything..

Kinsey:

  1. I said what I said about MY Reds and I will honor my word by gladly purchasing tickets to see MY Reds play this summer if they can do the unthinkable and stay within 9.5 games of first place by June 1. That said, if you’re a Reds fan and taking a victory lap right now, keep in mind this team is 4-12 on the road and they still have 11 road games this month. If the Pirates can get their shit together, this Reds team could be 10 out by June 1. We’ll see.
  2. I smile when I check the standings and the Cardinals in last. That’s the only thing that makes MY Reds sucking any better for the soul.
  3. I don’t know exactly what I said about Screencaps readers and Screencaps Instagram models over 50. I’m a little confused on what he’s saying here. What I will reiterate, and I have said all along, is that those of you bashing me for not publishing IG models over 50 can send me suggestions. It’s a 50-and-over desert out there.

10U nicknames

• Phil in Incline Village, Nevada writes:

Just responding to Money from KY’s post from SCs this morning regarding nicknames for kids.

We had a similar situation here in North Tahoe and the coach gave all the kids nicknames – my son Josh became Gamer.

That was six year ago and to this day, if I meet someone in town and say I’m Josh’s dad, no one has any idea who I’m talking about. But if I say I’m Gamer’s dad, face’s light up and they know exactly who my son is – and he doesn’t even play baseball anymore! (He’s now a competitive snow boarder which is much more popular here in the mountains around Lake Tahoe)

I guess the point is, choose carefully, those names are gonna stick!

• Michael J. in Chiraq actually sent two emails. Now I need to get Bill H. on the Michael J. routine!

I played Little League baseball for 8 years and have been involved as a parent for another 5 or 6. I’ve probably experienced only 2 or 3 kids that had a nickname. So it would never have dawned on me to give each kid one. Three Luke’s? Please….. I had three other Michael’s in my 7th grade class. We all just went by our last name. So don’t feel bad about not doing that yourself.

Too much Mulvaney!

• Donald J. writes:

Sure wish you could use your power of persuasion with the Outkick higher ups and see if you can’t get them to quit putting all these pictures and stories of this idiot Mulvaney, whatever he or she is, on Outkick’s website.

They are playing right into his or her hands, bringing her publicity.

Come on , y’all are smarter than that.

Kinsey:

I think in this case, what we’re doing is showing the absurdity of all this and how people have lost their damn minds to think a small fringe of society should get to dictate the social talking points.

However, I get it if you’re tired of seeing Dylan. You’ll be happy to know that the Internet is tiring of Dylan, too. Here’s the 90-day Google Trend line for “Dylan Mulvaney.”

This shall pass.

As for Bud Light, the writing is on the wall, it’s going to be an ugly summer.

Today I learned

Your mission this weekend

I want to see what you dialed up on the grill. Serve as inspiration for the millennials out there who are about to buy their first grills and will fire it up for the first time over Memorial Day weekend.


That’s it. I’m on school duty. Mrs. Screencaps is suddenly going back into the office for some sort of training, so I have to pick up the slack. If you notice errors in Caps, please understand I’m in the middle of a routine change and I’m working later and earlier in the morning.

This too shall pass!

(BTW, tonight I’m running a pig race at the school Family Fun Night. My schedule refuses to slow down.)

Go have an incredible weekend. Enjoy that yard that is beautifully manicured. Congrats to those of you who are going through graduations. All that hard work over the last several weeks in the yard is about to pay off.

Take care.

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

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Stuff You Guys Sent In & Stuff I Like:

You have to watch the video above to understand the tweet below:

Written by Joe Kinsey

Joe Kinsey is the Senior Director of Content of OutKick and the editor of the Morning Screencaps column that examines a variety of stories taking place in real America.

Kinsey is also the founder of OutKick’s Thursday Night Mowing League, America’s largest virtual mowing league.

Kinsey graduated from University of Toledo.

2 Comments

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  1. Pearls of wisdom from the Old Man:
    1)- Don’t pass up a chance to go somewhere you’ve never been before, broadening your horizons makes you a better critical thinker. The worst that can happen is at least you can say you ‘ve been there!
    2)- When facing adversity; the days are tough, the weeks are hard, the months are easier.
    3)- Never trust an activist, they don’t believe in down time!
    4)- A room full of friends is more important than a cabinet full of trophies.
    and just to show the contradictions of everyone including the Ole Man
    5)- Anyone who tells you that winning isn’t everything, is used to losing!

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