Do I Have To Give A Wedding Gift Even If I Don’t Go To The Wedding And Don’t Care About The Couple?

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It’s June, so that means we are in full-on wedding season. And it stinks.

Sure, I’m all about a good party. I actually have been told countless times that I am, in fact, the life of the party. But, that’s when I actually want to attend the event.

As I get older (time stops for no one!) all my friends are getting married. It’s been happening for a few years now. But recently, for some reason, I’m getting a TON of wedding invites from people that I haven’t talked to in years.

And I have no idea if I’m still supposed to give these semi-random people gifts. Where do we draw the line about forking over money to someone I probably won’t see for a couple years? Wedding aside, the next time I’d likely see them would be whichever comes first: the next reunion or the next funeral.


I’m sorry, but if you are reaching out to me via Facebook Messenger, we are most likely not that great of friends – especially since you don’t even have my cell phone number. And apparently you can’t even reach out to me on Instagram, which as we all know, is countless times more relevant than Facebook.

If that’s your way of contacting me, I don’t want to go to your wedding.

And I sure as hell don’t want to have to send you a gift just because you spent way too much money on wedding invitations that most people are going to crumble up and toss out anyway. (Newsflash – nobody needs a “save the date” either. It’s called a cell phone calendar you Farmville-playing antiquated dummies)

People celebrate and party at a wedding. (Getty Images)


So, let’s break down the wedding friendship rankings.

Obviously best friends get priority. And if I’m actually going to the wedding, I’m giving a nice gift, either in the form of a check or a solid gift off their registry. If you bring a plus-one then you have to give a higher gift simply based on the couple trying to recoup costs of the stale chicken marsala and pasta with vodka sauce you’re taking two bites of.

But after the best friends, we get to the acquaintance-type friend. And that’s when I start having questions.


In the post-Covid world after everyone kind of moved away, it’s been harder to keep in touch with each other besides social media or the occasional event. But I’m also an emo-at-heart and as I said, I still love a good party (and an open bar). I’m a sucker for sentimentalism and I just want everyone to get drunk and have a dance party to LIT – My Own Worst Enemy.

For the acquaintance-adjacent friendship scenario like this, my view on attending depends on how many of my buddies are going. If a good amount are, then it’s worth it – especially those that are going to actually partake in the fun.

And if I don’t want to go, I’ll still send some sort of check. Obviously the check I send will be less than I would give a best friend – that just seems logical. But, they have to have at least talked to me in recent years. And, unfortunately, even that’s a stretch these days with some of these wedding invites.


Then we get to the Facebook Messenger-type invites.

Sometimes I think I’m being punk’d with some of these invites. I feel like the couple are just sending the invite – knowing full well that I will decline, yet, they’re banking on me still sending check. Even they probably realize I really don’t give a damn if they’re married or not.

Why do I feel this way? Because we’ve all been out with our newly engaged friends who are deciding who to send invites to and have heard them say the same thing…they’re “being forced to invite so and so,” even though they know they aren’t going to come.

That’s where I find myself too much these days and it’s becoming frustrating.

So, my question to you, the reader-turned-therapist,… do I still HAVE to give something in these situations? Because honestly, I’m getting tired of shelling out $100-$150 for people that don’t mean a lot to me.

When does it go from “just being nice” when I receive a wedding invitation that I’m not going to go to, into flat out being taken advantage of?

Internet, I need your help. Let me know what the cut-off is for coupling a “No” with a check and without one.

(Also, shout out to anyone who has sent me a wedding invitation in recent months. I swear this isn’t about you…)

TWEET ME: @TheGunzShow

Written by Mike Gunzelman

Mike “Gunz” Gunzelman has been involved in the sports and media industry for over a decade. He’s also a risk taker - the first time he ever had sushi was from a Duane Reade in Penn Station in NYC.

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