Disturbing Sports Hypotheticals

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One of the most annoying things some women subject their men to are constant hypothetical questions. Most of which start with “Would you still be with me if…” or “Would you still love me if…” The only option that doesn’t lead to a fight is to tell them what they want to hear. I got pretty lucky in this area. My wife never subjects me to these. She, on the other hand, didn’t get so lucky.

I know this isn’t the most masculine behavior but she makes it such a fun and informative experience because she thinks critically about them and answers as honestly as she can. And I know she is being honest because she not only asks specifics about the question, but she also almost never answers the way I want her to.
 
No matter how stupid the question she stops everything and gives it her full attention. I asked her if I had some head trauma and was consequently only able to say the phrase “That’s my butt” for the rest of my life, would she leave me? After some deep thought she said she would make an effort for a while but would almost definitely end up leaving eventually. When I asked what the absolute worst thing she would do for me was, she said nothing that would get her jail time. But when I asked what she would do if someone killed our cat, she said she would kill him but try to get away with it.
 
You can learn a lot about yourself and your relationships with hypothetical questions. For example, I have learned my wife is far more attached to our cat than to me. The cat hypothetical also illustrated how love can make you do crazy things, which made me wonder what crazy things I would do for love. And I’m not talking about my love for my wife. I’m talking about my love for my sports teams.
 
As a 30 year old Kansas City, Missouri sports fan, love isn’t the only thing that would make me do something crazy, starvation also factors in. The Chiefs, Royals, and Mizzou have left their fans wanting every year since I’ve been old enough to remember. Would you steal a loaf of bread for your starving franchise? These could help spark some conversation next time you’re watching a game that gets out of hand. It may also help you learn which of your friends and family are a little disturbed, which are completely boring, and which are full of crap. 
 
1. What illness would you contract in order to make your team a blue blood for the rest of your life? If they are a blue blood, what would you take to prevent them from becoming a middle of the pack team?  (a severe flu, herpes, anything fatal…)
 
2. What body part would you give up for the above scenario?  (your hair, a toe, a finger, any limb…)
 
3. You have the power to give something to your rival team’s fan base. What do you give them? (diarrhea, the flu, herpes, 12 Monkeys virus…)
 
4. There is a box. It has a single button. If you press that button, you, your child, or future child will become a hall of fame professional athlete but someone you don’t know will die. Do you press that button?
 
5. Genie scenario: You have 3 and only 3 wishes. How many involve world peace or the well being of others and how many involve sports?
 
6. It is playoff time or bowl season and you are riding in a car with your team’s best player. You get pulled over and the cops find two pounds of his marijuana in the trunk. Do you take the blame so he doesn’t get suspended?
 
7. It is almost time for a big game and you have to lie and tell someone that their mother is dead. You must choose either your team’s star player or the person you love most. And the truth won’t be revealed to them for 4 hours. Who do you lie to?
 
8. What is the worst thing you would do to a 6 year old in order to get your team a championship? (tell them Santa isn’t real, slap the ice cream out of their hand, burn their toys…) 
 
9. What would you be willing to blow off if your team was in the championship game that day? (someone close’s wedding, someone close’s funeral, the birth of your child…)   

 

10. If there is a legendary player or coach who you have loved and admired for most of your life, what is the most horrific thing they can do, or look the other way from, where you would still support them? 

 

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Written by Clay Travis

Clay Travis is the founder of the fastest growing national multimedia platform, OutKick, that produces and distributes engaging content across sports and pop culture to millions of fans across the country. OutKick was created by Travis in 2011 and sold to the Fox Corporation in 2021.

One of the most electrifying and outspoken personalities in the industry, Travis hosts OutKick The Show where he provides his unfiltered opinion on the most compelling headlines throughout sports, culture, and politics. He also makes regular appearances on FOX News Media as a contributor providing analysis on a variety of subjects ranging from sports news to the cultural landscape. Throughout the college football season, Travis is on Big Noon Kickoff for Fox Sports breaking down the game and the latest storylines.

Additionally, Travis serves as a co-host of The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show, a three-hour conservative radio talk program syndicated across Premiere Networks radio stations nationwide.

Previously, he launched OutKick The Coverage on Fox Sports Radio that included interviews and listener interactions and was on Fox Sports Bet for four years. Additionally, Travis started an iHeartRadio Original Podcast called Wins & Losses that featured in-depth conversations with the biggest names in sports.

Travis is a graduate of George Washington University as well as Vanderbilt Law School. Based in Nashville, he is the author of Dixieland Delight, On Rocky Top, and Republicans Buy Sneakers Too.