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I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this week of weather

Is Mother Nature happy that I put out the Squirrel Buster 3000 bird feeder that has the birds eating like kings and queens? Did I do something that Mother Nature took notice of and now she’s paying me back? Is this some sort of preseason gift to the Thursday Night Mowing League community?

Guys, I don’t know what’s going on here, but it’s special.

I’ve spent four straight days working in the yard and sitting on the patio at 8 p.m. and it’s simply glorious. If this is global warming, I’m all for it. I don’t care if the major cities flood and there’s new coastline created, I want April 12 to feel like July 4th weekend every single year from here on out.

Do I care if your beach house floods? Absolutely not when I’m posted up on the patio listening to the birds chirp and watching the sun set on a beautiful 80-plus degree day in early-to-mid April.

And now here we are looking at a record day in northwest Ohio. People around the area are using their pools. I’ve never heard so many mowers running. I’m about to start watering the yard it’s been so dry and glorious.

Save the emails from across the Deep South about how you’ve been living this life for the last three months. Let me enjoy this for a few more days until Monday rolls around and dumps a coating of snow on the ground.

Americans painting their lawns

I had multiple readers send me a link to this post that’s being passed around. The premise is that lawn painting is growing across the southwest (Arizona) and in places like Houston where a guy who was running a lawncare company branched out and started painting yards. The guy’s daughter posts about the business on TikTok and now the TikTok account has something like 3.7 million followers.

Now, the writer from The Conversation, who wrote the following post, definitely isn’t a TNML member. “(T)he return of grass painting with the resurgent interest in clover lawns suggests that the ideal of the resource-intensive perfect lawn is an ecological conceit that the country may no longer be able to afford,” Ted Steinberg writes.

Now, I’ve been warning you guys that the drumbeats just keep getting louder and louder for what I expect to see in the next 3-5 years and that’s the ban of gas-powered mowers, the ban of mowing in spring months and ultimately very restrictive rules on water usage in areas where water is plentiful and it’s all going to be in the name of saving the planet.

And it’s going to be led by a bunch of frauds who want to brag at their political cocktail hours about how they care about the bees and the planet.

Do I care if you’re painting your dormant grass? No. You can go to Home Depot and buy a jug of spray that will cover 1,000 sq. ft. Go for it.

What I don’t want is some fake politician fake caring what his/her neighbor is doing to his/her yard. Get back to me when the politicians care about bigger things like chemical plant explosions and train cars running off the tracks and dumping chemicals everywhere.

Until then, leave me and my neighbors alone.

Speaking of the devil, look at what the Washington Post is writing about

Do you think the Washington Post has the balls to call for a ban on Jeff Bezos’ swimming pools, yachts, planes, spaceships, SUVs, guns, gas-powered lawnmowers, landscapers, etc.?

Let’s see Victoria Bisset write about Jeff’s energy consumption and how much water he’s using to build his 15,000 sq. ft. Beverly Hills mansion.

Summer patio must-haves

• John L. writes:

At the start of April we still had snow on the ground in New York State.  But the recent warm up and sunny weather makes it likely that I can lay some stripes on opening day.

At present, I do not have a man cave, finished garage, nor patio.  But what I do have is a detached barn-like 3 story garage.  My trusted contractor Tyler and I are going to build a “cocktail deck” off the back of it overlooking the yard.  This will get done by next month.  He already dropped off the Trex decking.  The furniture has been ordered, too.

I will be sure to share some construction photos.


A cocktail deck sounds nice and that’s a new patio term I haven’t heard before. I’ll need someone to describe life on a cocktail deck. Are we talking a stuffy, formal cocktail deck where you have to dress up? Or are we talking a deck where you can dress comfortably, listen to Yacht Rock & drink double vodka lemonades after suckin’ down a couple of those at the golf course with the boys? Is it comfortable to the point where there are Doodles laying around on the Trex waiting for freshly sliced Aldi cheese to fall on the composite decking?

When I see people throwing around “cocktail” I start to think it’s a little too elite for my tastes, but I’m all ears here.

• Chris B. in Houston writes:

You asked what home / yard improvement projects we’ve been doing. A different kinda water feature. We got tired of making huge messes in the outdoor kitchen for yard work so we took out half of the plant graveyard / nursery and put in another sink behind the garage.

What’s your summer patio must-have? Is there something you plan to buy? Help your fellow readers with ideas:

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

Cracker Jill?

• Scott S. writes:

Have not seen this brought up in screencaps. I guess this package does not have nuts. Bring back CRACKER JACKS!


Ah yes, what would the world be like if Crack Jack & Frito Lay didn’t stand up for equality with it’s popcorn? Hey ladies, are you feeling insulted yet with all of this pandering? Give Frito Lay and Cracker Jack time. The brand seems poised to jump on the Dylan Mulvaney bandwagon so the transgender influencer world will have Cracker Dylan Jack & Jills to cram in their faces at the old ballgame.

The Matheny Manifesto

• Chris B. in Houston wanted me to read “The Matheny Manifesto” on how to approach youth baseball and parents:

I think it may be too hardcore for you to send to your rec ball parents (you call it house ball).


It’s like 6 pages long and it’s way too intense for the parents who dropped off their children Monday night. It’s more for the father-son who were having a batting practice session before our practice. The father made sure to ask what level of baseball we were practicing for.

“House ball,” I told him.

“He plays travel ball,” the father made sure to tell me about his son.

“House ball is too easy, I want a challenge,” the kid, probably 12, fired back unsolicited from across the diamond.

Ah, that’s cool. Good luck.

Then, not 30 seconds later, the father starts bitching about how starting this upcoming weekend the boy starts playing tournaments and isn’t done until well into July. The dad was pissed that his weekends are shot for most of the summer.

Oh well, your kid wants a challenge. Read up on your Matheny Manifesto and enjoy life at 6 a.m. on the road to some ballpark that’s going to charge you $10 to enter.

Us lowly house ball teams will just be over here minding our business playing 5-6 innings and then hitting the pool. Life will be fine.

That’s it for this beautiful Thursday morning here in Ohio. Enjoy the weather in your neck of the woods. Remember, TNML starts NEXT Thursday. You have one more week to prepare.

Take care.

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

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Written by Joe Kinsey

Joe Kinsey is the Senior Director of Content of OutKick and the editor of the Morning Screencaps column that examines a variety of stories taking place in real America.

Kinsey is also the founder of OutKick’s Thursday Night Mowing League, America’s largest virtual mowing league.

Kinsey graduated from University of Toledo.

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