Dan Wolken Takes One Final Beating From Clemson Fans To End 2020

You have to give USA Today coronabro Dan Wolken credit for the social media beatdowns he suffered while picking fights with football fans across the country. These fans have had enough of the blue checkmark and his hatred for college football, even though it pays Dan's bills. Dan could've entered this week and sailed to the 2020 finish line without one final beating. He could've sat back, crushed beers, half-assed a column about the college football final four and called it a year.

Nope. Dan decided to fire up Clemson fans by taking shots, yet again, at Dabo Swinney with a column about how the Tigers coach (hold onto your seats) doesn't have the same beliefs and thoughts as coronabro Dan.

"The more Clemson won, the bigger Swinney got. And the bigger he got, the more we heard him talk. And talk. And talk. And talk, to the point where we have learned more about his worldview in the last five years than perhaps all of his Division I coaching colleagues combined," Wolken writes.

"But the more Swinney has talked, the less he has projected the image of the fun-loving, new-age program builder that defined his rise from coaching nothingness, and the more he has come across as stubborn, ill-informed and out-of-touch."

Dan's mad at Dabo for being optimistic in April about playing football in the fall. He's mad at Dabo's handling of the George Floyd situation. Dan's mad at Dabo's "Football Matters" t-shirt. Dan's mad at Dabo over the Florida State game cancellation and what Dabo said during a press conference. And Dan's mad at Dabo for something he said about Colin Kaepernick, like, two years ago.

Seriously, Dan created a column out of that nonsense. Dan could've crushed beers, looked back at how incredible it was to have a college football season where the SEC played 69 of 71 games without serious health issues OR DEATH, like the coronabros rooted for in order to drop 'told you so' tweets. But Dan stayed in his lane filled with depression and pure misery.

Dan's presidential candidate won, and he's still this damn miserable.

So here's to 2021. Here's to Dan finding a girlfriend (or a side piece, something to get him straightened out). Here's to Dan finding guys to drink beers with around a fire pit in the driveway. Here's to Dan getting vaccinated and going on a three-day Vegas bender, where he does some shady, misdemeanor stuff. Here's to Dan letting the misery flow out his body from the Karen haircut all the way down to his Nikes.

Do it, 2021. Help this guy out. Save Dan.