Women Are Getting Salmon Sperm Vagina Injections To Crank Up Their Sex Drive

Hey ladies, are the dozen roses, chocolates, romantic trips to the Poconos, candles and Yacht Rock not getting the job done like it used to? Maybe you just need a old-fashioned shot of salmon sperm injection into your vagina. 

The Daily Mail reports that one of the new ways women are cranking up their sex drive is in the form of $500 salmon sperm injections into the clitoris, labia and vaginal wall to "enhance sensation, tighten vaginal laxity and help women experience mind-blowing orgasms." 

Yooooooo! 

Guys, I don't want you throwing on hip waders, watching "A River Runs Through It" and thinking you're going to save your wife's sex drive with a trip to Yellowstone to catch salmon, extract salmon sperm and then set the mood in your Airbnb chalet. 

Leave this to the experts: gynecologists. 

(Wait until PETA losers hear that salmon sperm is rejuvenating the sex drive of women. / Getty Images)

In the U.K., the National Health Service (NHS) offers salmon sperm injections to help heal injured knees and in facials "to reduce the appearance of wrinkles," but the real reason we're here is because women claim salmon sperm is getting them all horned up. 

"A lot of older women come to me and say they are not having any kind of sexual arousal anymore," Amanda Azzopardi, who runs her own aesthetics business, told the Daily Mail. "So, we do the ‘O-shot’ and they’re reporting stronger and more frequent orgasms increased natural lubrication, greater sexual arousal."

Here's how Azzopardi's company gets you fired up for a big night in the sack: 

The salmon sperm is injected "into key areas of your vulvo-vaginal area to plump, firm, and improve hydration, stimulating the regeneration of collagen and elastin cells to give you a more youthful vagina; and intimate polynucleotide therapy, for the treatment of symptoms related to vulvo-vaginal atrophy. It helps to treat vaginal dryness, itchiness, vulvar pain, and loss of elasticity."

(Experts say women can crank up their sex drive via $500 salmon sperm injections into their vagina. / Getty Images)

BOOM, you're banging like you're 22 again. 

Allegedly. 

But, as is typically the case, when we start talking about using salmon sperm to kick up sex drive, along come the blue-haired lesbians and their fellow freaks who are angry at women for using animal byproducts to get aroused. 

Back in January, the folks at PlantBasedNews.com went off on the salmon sperm industry and the women who are using the sperm. 

"Injecting sperm into your face sounds gross – though it isn’t actually sperm that’s used. But the bigger problem is the industry behind the trend: salmon farming and fishing," the site writes. 

Now, that could've been AI-written, but don't be shocked if you don't start to hear the PETAs of the world going after women for rejuvenating their vaginas. It's just a matter of time. 

Have you had a salmon sperm injection? Did you pay to get your wife an injection for Valentine's Day? Does it work? 

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com