Taylor Swift Accused Of Satanic Rituals, Scientists Find Giant Anaconda, Fast Food News & Bathroom Sink Nachos

I refuse to use a hotel room coffee maker.

And, folks, I love coffee. It's the first thing I reach for every morning, and — if I'm not flying — I bring my Chemex and an electric kettle with me when I travel. If I don't have my supplies, though, I'll walk my tired little ass down to the hotel cafe or across the street to a coffee shop. But I won't ever touch the hotel room coffee maker.

And it's all because, many years ago, I watched a video where some YouTube fitness girl (this was before the coining of the Godforsaken term "influencer") used a hotel coffee pot to make salmon.

Y'all, absolutely not. Imagine taking a sip of your morning Joe and tasting a little hint of fishy surprise.

And worse, the comments were filled with more people explaining their "coffee maker hacks" to cook food while traveling. To my horror, I learned there are people poaching chicken, steaming broccoli, cooking eggs and boiling hot dogs in their hotel rooms.

But even armed with this knowledge, I was not prepared for this disturbing video:

I can't figure out what's most appalling: throwing raw beef in the same sink where strangers spit their toothpaste, the grease going down the drain to destroy the pipes or the part where he's eating the nachos on the toilet with his pants down.

I may not have an appetite again for several days. This is like Ozempic without the prescription.

And believe it or not, that's one of his milder videos. His TikTok is full of atrocities. Like the time he threw a live fish in the sink then bashed it's head to make stew. Or the one where he drops a (plastic-wrapped) steak into a toilet tank to boil. And there's even one where he teaches you how to make garlic shrimp in an airplane bathroom.

Truthfully, this dude needs to be arrested.

If you need a strong drink after watching that, then mission accomplished. Pour one up (preferably from a bottle and not, like, a repurposed toilet bowl or something), and let's open up the mailbag. It's Nightcaps time!

Tom Sees Dead People

First time e-mailer here. You talked about bad hotel experiences, and I had to share mine. Was staying with my ex-girlfriend (well she was my gf at the time) at a hotel in Boston that was widely believed to be haunted. I don't really believe in that stuff, but she was creeped out the whole time. Heard some noises in the night… normal old building stuff. She jumped at every little noise so not a lot of sleep that first night. 

Next morning we go out to explore the city. Open the door to find a bunch of police and uniformed people standing around in the hall. They tell us the elevator is closed and we have to take the stairs. I asked what was going on, but kept getting the "move along, move along." Found out later that night someone died in the room next door! They shut down the elevators to guests so they could wheel the body out. Still don't know what happened. But maybe my ex wasn't wrong to be freaked out.

Amber:

Not a chance I'm staying in a haunted hotel. Call me a chicken sh-t if you want, but I am with Tom's ex-girlfriend on this one.

Believe it or not, though, something very similar happened to me. I was traveling with my parents on a cross-country trip when I moved to Phoenix for grad school. We stopped just for the night at a little motel in Memphis. (In hindsight, this was our first mistake). We woke up early the next morning to flashing lights shining through the window. Police everywhere and an ambulance.

My nosy mother walked straight to the office and chatted up the employee at the front desk. Sure enough, someone died. Overdose, they assumed.

Mold And Bugs Are A No-Go For Warren

I’ve had a few awful hotels, but the most recent two were in Orlando (3-ish hours north of where my wife and I live).

1. Way back in 2014, my wife and I were dating, and we had annual passes to Universal Studios. We went to a La Quinta, which some of the ones I stayed at were actually good, but this one looked like they painted over a bad leak with mold, and my allergies went haywire. We checked out and got into a Doubletree, which was infinitely better.

2. Towards the end of 2019, we decided to go back to Universal Studios with our renewed annual Universal Studios passes. Little did we know that yet another Harry Potter ride had opened and every single hotel was booked out, despite the fact that early December is known to be a very dead travel month in the state of Florida. For almost $200, we checked into one of the worst motels I’ve ever seen. I had to quickly use the bathroom, and when I realized the door wouldn’t close properly, and then I saw the cockroaches, that was it for us. We were actually able to check out without getting charged, and my wife and I looked at either finding another hotel at 9 p.m. or heading back south on a 3-hour drive down the Florida Turnpike. We got very lucky and ended up at a Marriott which seemed to also be one of those hotels that is a timeshare. Hence availability. Cost me about $300…

As far as AirBnB’s go, my wife and I love to travel over to Southwest Florida, when we do staycations, and we considered a few of them, but it just seemed to cost more than boarding our dogs, and staying at either a really nice hotel, or even a beach resort. We usually travel on off-season. Pro tip.

Amber:

When I was a teenager, my family went to Universal Studios a couple of times, and we stayed at one of their on-site hotels. My dad said the price was worth it for the fast passes and various other perks. I definitely enjoyed the fast passes — cutting the line on the Incredible Hulk coaster over and over and over again until I got sick of it. But that was 20 years ago. A night at one of those on-site hotels probably costs a mortgage payment these days.

No bugs or mold, though. So that's a plus.

Let's move on to some stories.

New Snake Species Discovered In The Amazon

Oh, you're bothered by some ghosts and cockroaches? Let me introduce you to the newly-discovered northern green anaconda.

"The size of these magnificent creatures was incredible — one female anaconda we encountered measured an astounding 6.3 meters (20.6 feet) long," lead scientist professor Bryan Fry said.

A team of scientists from The University of Queensland and the indigenous Huaorani people found the gigantic, slithering monster while filming a new nature docu-series, called Pole to Pole with Will Smith. (There's a very obvious lay-up of a joke in there, but I'm going to take the high road and move on.)

Anyway, according to researchers, this nearly 10-million-year-old reptile might be the largest snake in the world.

Yes, the world's biggest snake has been living in the Amazon Rainforest, and scientists are just now finding out about it. I can't figure out if that's suspicious or terrifying.

Just kidding. It's both.

"We paddled canoes down the river system and were lucky enough to find several anacondas lurking in the shallows, lying in wait for prey," Fry said.

Clearly, this guy and I have very different definitions of the word lucky.

Apparently, the northern green anaconda species diverged from its southern counterpart almost 10 million years ago, and they differ genetically by 5.5%. Which is a wild difference, considering humans only differ from chimpanzees genetically by about 2%.

"There are anecdotal reports from the Waorani people of other anacondas in the area measuring more than 7.5 meters (25 feet) long and weighing around 500 kilograms (1100 pounds)," said Fry, who called the discovery "the highlight of my career."

Good for you, buddy. But please do everyone a favor and leave those in the Amazon Rainforest where they belong. Those f-ckers minded their own business for 10 million years, so let's just keep it that way.

Is Taylor Swift Performing Satanic Rituals?

I know, I know. You are sick and tired of Taylor Swift news. But I promise this won't have anything to do with her boyfriend.

The world's biggest pop star is currently being accused of practicing satanic rituals on her Eras Tour. During the song "Willow," T-Swift wears a cape as her and her backup dancers dance around with lanterns.

Shane Lynch, a member of the Irish band Boyzone, says the performance is "demonic." And if a 47-year-old former boy band member says it, it must be true.

So let's watch:

"I think when you're looking at a lot of the artists out there, a lot of their stage shows are Satanic rituals live in front of 20,000 people without them realizing and recognizing," Lynch said. "You'll see a lot of hoods up and masks on and fire ceremonies."

I wear a hoodie around the bonfire several times every Fall, Shane. What is your point?

"Even down to Taylor Swift — one of the biggest artists in the world — you watch one of her shows and she has two or three different demonic rituals to do with the pentagrams on the ground, to do with all sorts of stuff on her stage," Lynch said. "But to a lot of people it's just art and that's how people are seeing it, unfortunately."

For fairness' sake, I put on my "Big-J" journalist hat and watched several different videos of this performance. I never saw a pentagram. If there is one at Taylor's shows, feel free to send it to me.

But apparently, boy band Shane is not the only person who feels this way. This Instagrammer here — who is very fun at parties — said the performance "hurts her soul" and explains how "demonic spirits enter you through music." Which is certainly problematic because they didn't even ask me for consent.

"So tired of satanic imagery being shoved in our faces," she says. "This is not normal, cool, or cute. It is demonic."

Full disclosure: I'm not a Swiftie. I don't know anything about her music past her country music stint in the early 2000s. But I looked up the lyrics to "Willow," and they're about as innocent as you can get.

Maybe we can all just take a deep breath and not look for "evil" concealed in the beats of the music. Maybe we can just look at it for what it is — a performance.

We all watched the movie Hocus Pocus and read Harry Potter. You've probably dressed up (or dressed your kid up) as a witch for Halloween. I, personally, can recite the entire witches' spell from Shapespeare's Macbeth from memory. That doesn't make me demonic. It just makes me a f-cking nerd.

We Christians need to stop trying to find problems with every little piece of pop culture and let ourselves just enjoy entertainment sometimes. Just because a movie or a song or a performance doesn't blatantly honor Jesus, doesn't mean it's the devil.

In the words of the great philosopher Aaron Rodgers, "R-E-L-A-X."

Fast Food Updates: The KFC Chizza & Wendy's Surge Pricing

KFC is now in the pizza business. Well, sort of.

The fast-food giant has unveiled its latest artery-clogging concoction: a fried chicken pizza. And no, it's not fried chicken on top of pizza. That's been done before. Instead, we're just replacing the pizza with fried chicken.

I don't mean to burst anyone's bubble here, but this is essentially just chicken Parmesan with some pepperoni on top. But you eat it with your hands, so it's totally pizza!

Still, KFC has put all their eggs in the "chizza" basket. They turned one of their NYC stores into a fake Italian restaurant and even re-branded their social media pages to call themselves "The Chizzeria."

I'm not into it. My favorite part of pizza is the crust. This would be a whole lot cooler if they made an ACTUAL pizza with the Colonel's recipe chicken on top!

They pulled this same garbage when they invented the "Double Down Chicken Sandwich," which is really just fried chicken (instead of buns) with some cheese and bacon in the middle.

And in the words of Sir Mix-a-Lot, "My (northern green) anaconda don't want none unless you got buns."

KFC, what do you have against carbohydrates? What's next — French toast but it's just chicken with syrup on it? Chicken mac & cheese, but it's just clumps of chicken smothered in Velveeta? Or chicken and waffles but it's just chicken with another side of chicken?

I, for one, will not tolerate the carb disrespect. But you know, I can't talk about KFC without a South Park clip. 

Almost as egregious as KFC's "chizza" is Wendy's new surge pricing. The square-burger joint is soon going to roll out a policy where the price of menu items will fluctuate throughout the day. If you go during peak lunch and dinner hours, you'll pay more for your food than if you go during the less-busy hours.

This is the same pricing model used by ride-share services, like Uber and Lyft. That's why a ride to downtown Nashville will cost you $15 and a ride home will cost you your left arm and your firstborn child.

Speaking of…

Ken Is With Me On Nashville

Dear Amber — I enjoy your columns, but you really resonated with me when you wrote Nashville (a)… "once quaint, cool little city has become overrun with douchbaggery."

You’re absolutely right. I’ve been hanging out, partying and visiting relatives in Nashville for longer than I’m willing to admit. We went there recently for a family wedding and my wife and I went downtown to hear some live music. After a couple of hours of (1) jammed bars (2) overcrowded streets (3) drunken bachelorette parties and (4) musicians aggressively instructing the audience to send $20 to "Venmo," we left — agreeing that we don’t anticipate going back to downtown Nashville, which is a real shame. We have lots of fond and happy memories of being there. You hit the nail on the head.

RELATED: Last week's rant about how douchey and expensive Nashville has become

Amber:

Sadly, this is the norm downtown. I used to go to Broadway all the time for live music, but I've avoided it for the past couple of years. I really think COVID was the catalyst. We were one of the few cities that stayed open, and tourism exploded (even more than it had before). It just never died down. And now every country singer on the planet is putting in a multi-story corporate mega bar (which are all exactly the same, by the way), and there's just no character left.

I live about 25 minutes south in Murfreesboro. We're booming, too. And I do love living in middle Tennessee, so I'm not trying to sound like "old, boring lady yells at clouds." There are still some very cool spots in the city and surrounding areas — you just have to venture out of Broadway and Midtown.

William Is Also Staying Out Of Nashville

I live in Franklin, TN and I too don’t like going to Nashville. I am sure the beer is better and colder at your hang out in the Boro and you have great live music.

PS: You didn’t see your boss, Clay in the club?

Amber:

Ha! Clay and I are in wildly different tax brackets, so a $25 cocktail isn't a kick in the teeth to him like it is to me. But no, I definitely did not see Clay at the pretentious member's-only club. He probably has cooler things to do.

And William is right — don't sleep on Murfreesboro. I just saw the new plans for the main drag on Medical Center Parkway, and we're getting all sorts of great new bars and restaurants. (Drake's & Neighbors, for all you Nashville locals!) Plus an In-N-Out!

PSA: Womansplaining is moving to Wednesdays!

If you're not reading Womansplaining, you should be. If you are, please be advised we are officially moving your favorite love, sex and relationship column to Wednesdays. Email me your thoughts, comments, questions, reactions, and all will be addressed for your mid-week lunchtime entertainment. 

See y'all tomorrow!

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m.

Follow me on X / Twitter at @TheAmberHarding or email me at Amber.Harding@OutKick.com.