Senior Space Force Official Keeps Job Despite Having Sex Toys At Work

We found him, you guys. Michael Scott is real, and he works for the Space Force.

Director of the Space Warfighting Anaylsis Center Andrew Cox is keeping his job even after an Inspector General’s Investigation found that he fostered an inappropriate work environment, displayed crude behavior and even kept sex toys in his office.

According to the Air Force Times, it all started back in 2013, around the same time Cox became the director of the Pentagon’s Space and Security Program. The senior official received a framed pair of tight silver pants as a gag gift. He hung them proudly in his office with a note that said “break here in the event of an emergency.”

The report indicated that Cox would sometimes joke to his employees that they could use the pants to seduce leaders in Washington into providing their department with more funding.

The Pants Were Just The Beginning

In 2018, Cox wore a green “mankini" — the same one Borat made famous in 2006 — over his clothing to entertain his employees and their families at a holiday party.

"It was chartreuse green, and he brought it out into the main area,” a witness told investigators. "He put it on in front of his wife and bent over and said, ‘Honey, how do you like this?’”

One would think this is where HR steps in. But one would be wrong.

In 2019, during a meeting with subordinates, Cox brought a silver case from his office and opened its contents onto the table. The case was full of various sex toys.

"When I turned around at one point, I saw the director had removed a pair of handcuffs and was dangling them in his hands,” one female told investigators.

Your tax dollars at work, ladies and gentlemen.

Employees Say He Runs His Department 'Like A Frat House’

The report indicated that Cox frequently made inappropriate sexual comments and could often be heard echoing “that’s what she said” jokes through the hallways.

These are the kind of antics a boss should only get away with on The Office. But we’re talking about the United States government here.

In his defense, though, employees also described Cox as a brilliant leader.

"He has a leadership style where he likes to bring everybody in, kind of take the problem apart," one employee said. "When he’s not talking business, is acting like a 13-year-old boy.”

Great news, though: The report indicated that Cox attempted to clean up his behavior and even removed the sex toys from his office in November 2020. His efforts must have paid off because, despite an ongoing investigation, Cox was promoted to a position overseeing a unit focused on space combat planning.

I don’t even know what this guy looks like, but I’m picturing an old man in shiny silver pants and a Borat unitard leading the charge against an alien invasion.

Cox Received A Letter Of Reprimand And Lost A Bonus Payment Of $27,000

"The Air Force fully acknowledged the substantiated allegations of unprofessional conduct by Mr. Cox and its impact on the workforce and mission," the letter said. "The Air Force also acknowledged that Mr. Cox had a spotless performance and conduct record. The Air Force believes it took appropriate action in formally reprimanding Mr. Cox."

A spotless conduct record.

This whole story is laughable. But in a world where Jeffrey Toobin stays employed after masturbating on a company Zoom call, nothing really surprises me anymore.

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Amber is a Midwestern transplant living in Murfreesboro, TN. She spends most of her time taking pictures of her dog, explaining why real-life situations are exactly like "this one time on South Park," and being disappointed by the Tennessee Volunteers.