Rachel Stuhlmann Closes The U.S. Open With One More Content Dump, Chargers-Raiders Fan Fights & Meat Monday!

I don't know why I figured the Bengals would give a strong performance in Week 1

Just when the schedule is in the favor of MY Bengals with the Patriots coming to town, Joe Burrow and this team put up yet another Week 1 performance full of pain for those of us who were just hoping for a 3-1 start. 

At this point, the Bengals should just forfeit the first two games of the year each year and turn it into a 15-week season. Hey guys, we're good, we'll start 0-2 just to get us motivated for the next 15 weeks which will allow for zero wiggle room down the road. 

Meanwhile, the Steelers lead the AFC North without scoring a touchdown. It figures. 

I couldn't have picked a better Sunday to drive up and down I-75 for a family reunion in Dayton. Between the 2-hour drive and the four hours of family time followed by another two hours home, I didn't get a chance to watch the Bengals game. 

Family saved me from serious pain. 

I did get home to see the Browns look like garbage in the second half, so that was refreshing. 

Other observations from Sunday once I stopped driving up and down I-75: 

  • Chris Simms and his stupid buttoned shirt were on TV way too much this weekend. Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday is too much Simms. Someone emailed me this weekend saying NBC has too many sets. Studio, multiple sideline sets, broadcast booth sets. And it seems like Simms is teleported to each of those sets.
  • Cris Collinsworth slobbering on Aidan Hutchinson is something else. Ask the Lions fans who watch Lions games religiously what they think of Hutchinson. Trust me, they're not nearly as impressed by Hutchinson as Collinsworth is. Cris has to tone it down with this anointment of Hutchinson as the next face of white guys on defense now that JJ Watt is a studio analyst.
  • Speaking of Detroit, that OT drive was a thing of beauty and I saw every second of it because I never got in the recliner. As long as I stay at the HQ, I'm catching the end of the late games.
  • And now Tampa comes to Detroit for a battle of 1-0 teams. These fans are going to be completely worthless at work in two weeks when they come down off this high.
  • I didn't get a chance to really concentrate on Tom Brady's debut. It's a shame the second half was pretty much a running clock and Tom wasn't forced to perform late in a tight game.
  • Based on the new SNF pregame show intro, Carrie Underwood's trainer continues to earn his/her money. Carrie is now 41 and hasn't lost a step.

How are we feeling one week into the season?

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

Trust me, DO NOT STOP AT WALMART in Englewood, OH if you're driving through on I-70. I had to make an emergency stop because I was Respecting Summer.

I made the huge mistake of stopping on the way to this family reunion thing because I didn't bring a pullover ¼ zip and the weather was in the fringe spot where I could be freezing at this outdoor reunion. 

The Englewood, OH Walmart was my only option. I stopped and it will be the last time I ever step foot in that place. 

Full disclosure: I know Walmart isn't exactly Trader Joe's these days. 

What I discovered was hell on earth. From the zombies walking around, to the filth, to the self-checkout line that was at least 25-carts deep, I couldn't believe what I encountered.

I walked in, quickly scanned the carnage, and then some black dude was like, ‘Yeah, this is the self-check line & it’s not moving.' 

I couldn't get out of there fast enough. The skunk pot smoke at 12:30 on a Sunday on the way back to my car was a nice touch. I got back in the car and decided to raw dawg it. Shorts, short sleeve shirt. Respect summer. 

#NeverAgain

Unless I have to take one of the most emergency of emergency dumps of my life and Walmart is the only option, I'm done. I'll gladly pay an extra $5-10 at Meijer or some other chain to avoid the destruction of America that I witnessed in that store. 

I'm out, dawgs. 

Speaking of Dawgs, Sam L. checks in again

You might remember UGA Dawgs fan Sam L. as the guy who was popping up in random places around the world. I'm not sure if he's CIA or just works in I.T. 

- Sam L. writes: 

Kind of a last two weekends recap.

Labor Day weekend, I tailgated for Clemson vs UGA.  Then headed over to Dragon*Con.

This weekend, there the glorious return to Athens. Sunday, its Red Zone and see how my NFL draft fares.

Also, I know prices may vary, but the All Star at Waffle House is $11.20. It was not that long ago it was $6.75.






 

I would like for someone to admit they bought a Christmas tree over the weekend

Anyone?

- Kevin was at BJ's Warehouse where he spotted this: 

Are we OK with grown men crying on national TV after a football game?

- Jim T. in San Diego shares: 

I'm not in favor of it, you're not in favor of it, but sometimes it is appropriate. LIke when your Northern Illinois squad beats Notre Dame - guess there were emotions he just couldn't process in the moment, and that's okay

Kinsey: 

I'm 100% OK with it when it was as organic as it was Saturday in South Bend from Thomas Hammock. The guy named one of his kids after an NIU dorm, for God's sake. The guy LOVES Northern Illinois. 

And he had a losing record at NIU. You're damn right that man is allowed to cry. I'd be crying my eyes out too. In fact, I damn near had tears rushing down my cheeks as Hammock let it flow. 

As a MAC guy, I get the importance of that win. 

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

Would you look at that….mowing is now fashionable…three years after I start the world's largest residential mowing league

And people laughed at me over the Thursday Night Mowing League. Now look at us. We were early. 

‘Respect Summer - I did this’ 

- Chris did this: 

Ladies, Respect Summer

- Nate W. writes: 

Last night, my wife and I went to our preferred watering hole, Forestry Tap and Axe in Minocqua (#notsponsored) with friends to watch Matt Lafleur make unfathomable decisions down the stretch for our beloved Packers.  The tap room has twenty different libations, and since we know the owners, we get to make suggestions on what may come next as they rotate beers.  

It has been unseasonably cool here for the last few days, so my wife decided to ask the owner if they could get a pumpkin beer for the next empty line.  I immediately side eyed her, to which she said 'I know, I know, respect summer.'

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That's it. It's Monday. You are dragging after a LOADED weekend of football. Now OutKick has to earn its money. We have to get you to click while you're at work. It's time for us to dig deep for the content you missed over the weekend. 

Let's get to the grind. Have a great day in this wild piece of land we get to call home. Never forget how lucky we are to call it home. 

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

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Written by
Joe Kinsey is the Senior Director of Content of OutKick and the editor of the Morning Screencaps column that examines a variety of stories taking place in real America. Kinsey is also the founder of OutKick’s Thursday Night Mowing League, America’s largest virtual mowing league. Kinsey graduated from University of Toledo.