Hooters Karlie Washes Ashore In The Bahamas, Booty Switches To Tight End, Plus Brads & Chads Vs. 'Lizzo'
Anonymous in Memphis wanted fashion advice and Screencaps readers stepped up
In case you missed his email, Anonymous in Memphis is a 36-year-old Millennial who has the dad bod going on, he's a sweater who works at home and needs to upgrade his short-sleeve shirts and button downs, but he's not finding enough variety from Costco.
He asked for help.
- Indy Daryl has an interesting proposal for Anonymous in Memphis:
I have been incredibly satisfied with StitchFix. They have a great selection and they do the hard work for you. Fill out a profile (fun to do with the wife) and the order a box or shop for individual items online. They have brands I wouldn’t have ever found out about or worn. Great investment!
- Mike in DFW writes:
Late to the party here, but as a fellow sweater living in Texas I can say after many years of trial and error, I have found the answer to this specific question.
Come summer time I now exclusively wear either Poncho short sleeve button-downs, Under Armor golf polos, and Columbia pfg fishing shirts.
Dark blue, white, and black are the ways to go, so even if you do sweat, the marks will not be visible to others. While not exactly cheap, the Poncho shirts will last forever, are light, and actually look really good. I tell everyone I can to invest in a couple Poncho shirts.
Kinsey:
I've never heard of Poncho and they're definitely #notsponsored here, but I have to say they have a huge selection and not everything is going to make you look like the prototypical dad in a breathable button down. There are options!
- Tirey in El Paso would like a word on this subject:
I've gotten in trouble with my wife for ordering both long and short sleeved versions of most of these shirts. Excellent quality and breathable. Just remember you are wearing the button downs instead of the pearl snaps when ripping them off....
Poncho Outdoors - Men's Performance Shirts
#notsponsored
Kinsey:
For those keeping track at home, that's now two #notsponsored(s) on Poncho. I swear I've never talked to anyone at Poncho and these emails aren't plants that I know of.
- Britt T. checks in:
As a 52-year-old who fancies himself as being on the cusp of what to buy when it comes to clothes, I think I can help our boy out.
My "build" sounds similar to our boy, so I’m here to help him out. Here we go.
- TShirts (V-Neck Preferable) – True Classic or Fresh Clean Threads. Both are slimming. If you are on the boarder of the size, order the smaller size. Good quality, and you can get a pack for a good deal if you give them your email address. Worth it. Good stuff. If you want crew neck tshirts, Jockey has some nice ones (their V-neck shirts are only for undershirt wear), and they are slimming, as well.
- Polo Shirts – Tucked? Under Armour. They are thicker than most (Peter Millar shirts are baggy and shitty and thin and…shitty) and blouse well. I like the thicker deal and they tuck well. By the way, who, among all of us, is not looking for the perfect tuck? My brother and I have been discussing this for about 15 years. He once saw a dude who appeared to have a perfect tuck with a dress shirt, and then realized said dude had his stuff all pushed to the back, and from the back he looked like a poser. Tuck is very, very important. Under Armour. Lastly, if you can find some Nicklaus shirts, they are awesome. I bought mine in bulk at SteinMart before it went away here in VA. Both Nicklaus and Under Armour are true to size.
- Untucked Polo Shirts – Express (Most men think this is a gals-only company; they are not, and suits are nice, too). They are tapered and slimming. Kinda short, so they work better untucked. Nice, though. Sign up and get the discounts.
- Button-up SS Shirts -- Two options. VRST at Dick’s. https://www.dickssportinggoods.com/p/vrst-mens-refined-knit-short-sleeve-button-up-23krmmsspqbttnpdbmpd/23krmmsspqbttnpdbmpd. I wore one of mine one day, and my wife told me she liked it (nice material [not flimsy]) comfortable fit, good value). True to size. If you want the very best of the best, it is….Mizzen+Main. https://www.mizzenandmain.com/collections/tops. Their shirts are light, and fit true to size and are really, really nice. Lighter fabric than the ones from VRST, but really nice. I don’t have any SS shirts from there, but I do have some LS shirts and they are nice. For the money, the VRST shirts are probably a better deal. Neither brand has to be dry-cleaned, just wash and hang up.
Lastly, to all out there – look up the shoes at the Bruno Marc website. Great deal, and they are excellent.
– Chris B. in Florida says:
Hi, Joe — Guys who sweat should look for the work "wicking" in their shirts (and it’s starting to happen in shorts and slacks too). Regular size guys can look at Penney’s online for PGA-brand polos and Haggar pants and shorts; Gentlemen of Stature such as my 4XL Tall self can find these at King-Size (only buy with coupon codes because they play pricing games) or for better quality, at DXL. The latter also sells wicking dress shirts if you still have to dress up for work or church. You can even get wicking underwear if you suffer from swamp ass.
The key is not putting them in the dryer. Wash on delicate and hang them on hangers overnight and they’ll be ready to go. Have shirts I bought years ago that still look new through this technique.
I would have thought you were insane if you’d told me 20 years ago that I’d wear mostly artificial fabrics every day, but since moving to Florida that’s about it.
- Dan from AZ checks in:
Tell anonymous millennial in Memphis that Untuckit has really great quality short sleeve button downs. They make their shirts in all the different size and fit combos so you can find exactly what you’re looking for.
Gonna spend a little more than for say a Costco shirt, but it’s a really quality shirt that’s great for date nights. Just look for sales or promo codes, they constantly have them.
- John H. writes:
Highly recommend using Poshmark for all clothing shopping outside shorts and tees. If you know your size and have a style you like, you can get great brands for a fraction of the cost. It's similar to Ebay in the sense you make an offer and can negotiate with sellers, but I've found the quality of products being sold to be exceptional. Most sellers include handwritten notes and other classy touches - it's a very legit operation.
You just need to know how to search and the keywords, but I have had some absolute steals over the years. I have bought very nice polos, sports coats, linen slacks and Italian loafers for literally a fraction of MSRPs. (I'm talking French wool jackets for $45 dollars) No knock on the Costco warriors, but having good style doesn't need to cost a fortune if you know how to shop.
- Bob R. in East Tennessee shares:
Jos. A. Bank is a great place to shop for dressier shirts, especially button downs. When I was working, it was my go to place. I still have many of those shirts I bought 15+ years ago, and they still look great.
Also glad to read about grills on synthetic decking. My big project for next spring is to replace my stained wood decking with Trex or some other high end decking, and replace the railings. Every year I try to replace at least one thing around the house that requires maintenance like painting and staining. This is a 500 sf deck with wood spindle railings (painted), so it's going to be a big project.
And if you really want to impress your wife this summer, BUY the TNML Polo of the Year and tell her you're going out for margs on her favorite patio
I know the one short sleeve that needs to be in Anonymous in Memphis' closet this summer: The TNML Polo of the Summer.
According to OutKick T-Shirt Manager Olivia G., "We've had TONS of back orders," which means business is BOOMING with this polo. I'm one of the biggest critics of TNML gear. When we started this project, I made it crystal clear to Olivia: If the shirts aren't comfortable, I'm not wearing them and if I won't wear them, these guys won't wear them.
Deal?
Deal.
Speaking of the power of this column and the work I've been doing, look at my developing professional relationship with international Instagram superstar Jenna Berman
Look at what was sent to me last night. Zoom in if you have to. See what Instagram legend Jenna Berman had to say about OutKick and what we're accomplishing here.
Remember, these days there are fewer and fewer places like OutKick left. There are fewer and fewer places where you can just be a normal guy who likes Instagram models, Poncho breathable button downs, a freshly mowed lawn and writing from a real human who isn't trying to impress you with his/her resume.
Don't take my word for it. Take it away, Jenna.
What a message.
You're damn right I slid right into Jenna's DMs last night. I have some journalistic duties and it starts with telling Jenna thank you for the kind words, which turned into Jenna telling me that she wants to send me some Sex Water.
Now, I'm not supposed to take gifts for coverage, but I think in this case, I have no choice. But the Sex Water won't be for me.
In 30 days, I'm going on a golf trip with 36 guys to Gaylord, MI where there are like five females for every 500 men. Captain Ron, who has ZERO game at the bar, is one of the 36.
If Sex Water really works and makes women want to "lick" a guy wearing it, this will be the ultimate test. Can Captain Ron get a woman to "lick" him in one of the biggest biological female deserts in the world by wearing Sex Water?
Buckle up, Jenna! Game on.
I had to make sure it's not Friday the 13th or a full moon
Upon further investigation, I learned, via Google that tonight we will have a Waning Crescent phase moon. Now I'm feeling a little better after what I witnessed this morning.
How do you know summer is near without looking at a calendar?
– Ben-Jamin in NW IL writes:
The toads start croaking
- Chris A. says:
Summer's here and the time is right for working in the yard! I go into mourning on June 22nd because the days start getting shorter then.
Signs that summer approaches:
- The ability to sit on the front porch in a t-shirt and shorts until dark without grabbing a jacket
- Seeing neighbors taking a post-dinner walk
- Examining the expiration dates on the 1/4-full sunscreens tubes in your bathroom cabinets
- Prime tee times getting rare
- The smell in the air of an oncoming thunderstorm
- The cat sprinting through the house for no reason
- The weekends through Labor Day getting filled up on the calendar by mid-May
- Turning on the bug zapper whenever you sit outside
Planting day is Mother's Day!
Kinsey:
That's interesting about the cats. Does the warmth, the birds chirping like crazy and the outside activity cause their activity level to rise? I haven't had a cat since I was very young, so this isn't something I'm up on.
What's the deal with all the heritage nights at Tigers games?
- Bill C. thought this was rather interesting:
You may find it odd but I’m a Detroit Tiger fan from way back. I had relatives that lived in Grosse Pointe and my first MLB game was July 20, 1968, Tigers vs Orioles in the NBC game of the week broadcast at old Tiger (Briggs) stadium. McClain vs McNally. Of course McClain wins 31 games that season and will be the last to ever perform that feat but lost 6 games that season and that day was one of them, 5-3. However, they go on and win the World Series and my fandom was cemented.
So today, I get this email from the Tigers celebrating heritage games throughout the season. Seriously? Macedonian heritage day? Greek heritage day? Where is the Ottoman Empire heritage day? What’s the purpose here?
Have the Tigers had players from all these locations over the years that merit a special heritage day and goofy looking hat? Is this what we’ve devolved into as a professional sport? I need some therapy here.
Kinsey:
Anything to sell a ticket, Bill C. By the way, I clicked on the ‘Buy Tickets’ link and "Polish American Heritage Night" is sold out.
How long until I can get a baseball team to hold a Thursday Night Mowing League night at the ballpark? Just think of all the dads who would go nuts.
Are you in charge of marketing for a minor league team? Let's do a collaboration with TNML. Give dads what they want this year, or let's build a plan for 2025.
Email: joekinsey@gmail.com
Quick house ball 12U team update
Last night was practice No. 2 of FOUR in seven days. My concerns over not having enough pitchers are starting to wane. I'm not saying we're the 1998 Braves, but I will say there are now options.
It turns out Sequoia, the first basemen who is going to do serious damage in this league, can pitch. He's actually going to terrify 11 year olds. The boy is taller than I am and could pass for being 18. Seriously, if you put him on the high school varsity team right now, I think he could earn playing time.
So he goes into the rotation. I'll probably use him as a closer if I can find another glove for first base that I trust.
Last night was our first simulated game action and my starting defense went 1-2-3 on the offense right out of the gates which calmed my nerves.
We'll see.
The boys are listening, competing, playing all sorts of positions and are a week away from their debut.
The biggest thing on their minds: They want their jerseys.
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That's it for this rainy, soggy, cloudy, bowl of soup Friday morning. But, the yard is dialed in and it looks like we're going to get Saturday night patio weather.
Go have a great weekend. Get those comfortable short sleeves. Relax.
Email: joekinsey@gmail.com