Hidden Valley Ranch Is Selling Treat-Sized Halloween Packets

Are you looking to take your suburban USA Halloween treat game to the next level while the rest of your neighbors continue giving away the bite-sized candy bars via the massive Kirkland bags at Costco? Hidden Valley Ranch has exactly what you're looking for in the form of half-ounce ranch packets that will be the talk of the neighborhood.

A bag of 30 half-ounce packets will run you $20. "No tricks here, just treat-sized packets of creamy, delicious Hidden Valley® Ranch. Give those Halloween trick-or-treaters a scary good surprise they’ll never forget," the company announced on its website.

Of course, I'm in for a bag of the ranch packets. This is suburbia and the game is to one-up your neighbors. If one person gives away full-sized candy bars (from Costco) then a neighbor puts together a snack pack featuring a full-sized Snickers and a personal pack of Skinny Pop (from Costco).

If a neighbor has his/her kitchen gutted, another neighbor has his/her kitchen gutted AND a beautiful new master bathroom remodel. You get the point. This year, I'm one-upping the neighbors around here and you're damn right I'm aiming straight to the hearts and minds of the neighborhood housewives. That's right, ladies, ranch packets until I run out.

The husbands know if the garage door is open they're expected to grab a beer. Now it's time to take care of the women.

But remember, no double-dipping in the stainless steel bowl on the front porch. One pack per neighborhood mom.

And if you really want to take your Halloween ranch game to the next level, Hidden Valley is also selling a ranch bottle costume that will run you just $40. That's a steal in the world of costumes.

*This is not a sponsored post! I paid for my ranch packets! I didn't receive a ranch bottle costume.

Written by
Joe Kinsey is the Senior Director of Content of OutKick and the editor of the Morning Screencaps column that examines a variety of stories taking place in real America. Kinsey is also the founder of OutKick’s Thursday Night Mowing League, America’s largest virtual mowing league. Kinsey graduated from University of Toledo.