Let's Try To Guess The Stories Behind New York's Best Rejected Vanity Plates

Here in the US of A, if there's one thing everyone — except people on the far-left — loves it's free speech.

However, there's one that governments, specifically state ones, love to censor: Vanity plates.

I'm not a vanity plate guy, but I get why people would want one. Who wouldn't want to let people behind you in traffic know that you're "N A HURRY" or the "GR8EST?"

Well, some vanity plate requests don't cut the mustard, and Buffalo TV station WGRZ obtained a list of the ones that had been shot down by the State of New York…

Thanks, Gov. Hochul…

While some appeared to have been denied because they contained product or business names, it occurred to me that every request has a story. So, I decided to pick some of my favorite rejected vanity plates so we could try to guess the story behind why anyone would want this on the back of their car in the first place.

So, let's get rolling with…

POTTYGUY

Unless this belonged to the late rock 'n; roll pioneer and man who got in trouble for installing cameras in the bathroom of his restaurant, Chuck Berry, I'm 1000% sure this belonged to a plumber. 

Also, Berry died in 2017, so I can rule him out…

Remember the episode of Seinfeld where Kramer gets an Assman license plate intended for a proctologist? 

Exactly. 

I love that this guy probably had some pride in his work and wanted to share it with the world. He's making an honest living making sure our toilets and other plumbing fixtures run the way they're supposed to.

If that isn't vanity plate-worthy, I don't know what is.

BOOOOGER

My guess with "BOOOOGER" is that this was a childhood nickname a la Booger McFarland, or this was a blatant attempt to test the limits of New York's vanity plate vetting process.

As you'll see if you peruse the list of rejected plates, some are easier to decipher than others. "BOOOOOGER" is not one of those tricky ones.

Unless the three superfluous O's managed to throw someone, there was no way this was getting through the censor.

However, that means if it did, anything and everything was fair game.

It was the canary in the coal mine of vanity plates… at least that's what I think it was.

RIPNLIPS

Hm… I guess fisherman aren't even allowed to express their love of lip-ripping on the back of their trucks.

Sad. 

SIDECHIX

One of the great uses for vanity plates is self-inflating your own proverbial tires. You can talk yourself up and people behind you at a red light might believe it.

Of course, most instances of that are lies, and that's what I think we have with the rejected vanity plate "SIDECHIX."

This had to be from a dude who was trying to do some peacocking about his game with the ladies, but I smell fraud. You know who doesn't have to talk up their game with women? Dudes who have serious game with women.

I think this was a dude who didn't even have a main chick, let alone side chicks. I mean, you can't have a side chick without a main chick. The side chick would be the main chick. 

That's just math.

BABYARM

Back up plate idea for the "SIDECHIX" guy. Same explanation.

TAPEWORM

You know how people always make it their mission to normalize their various ailments? Like at this point someone could have a hammer toe and they go, "I’m trying to designate weird, crooked toes."

I think that’s what happened here. Someone — who knows how, I'm guessing they ate some gas station sushi in which case they deserved it — wound up with a tapeworm. 

Now, they want to normalize their parasite with a vanity in the back of their Honda Civic

Everyone in traffic behind them will know about their gastrointestinal sidekick, and that's the way they wanted it… until the New York State Department of Transportation, "Over our dead body" and hit it with the ol’ "REJECTED" stamp.

SHEEEEET

This is one of those where there's technically nothing wrong, but we all know what they were going for: they were trying to quote one of the jive-talking guys from Airplane!

4FXSAKES

This one seems pretty obvious, but maybe there's more to it than meets the eye… which doesn't have to be that much considering it's about as on-the-nose as you can get.

Sure, someone likely made a lazy attempt to sneak profanity past the vanity plate sensor, but what if this belonged to a family? 

The Fxsake family.

Perhaps Fxsake is a family name that goes back to when the first Fxsakes — a proud lineage — came through Ellis Island after arriving from Finland. 

Before arriving in the New World, the family name was Fxsakeläinnen, but an immigration official took one look at the umlaut and said, "Your name is Fxsake now."

So, generations, the latest Fxsake patriarch looked at his wife and two lovely children and said, "I want to commemorate this with a vanity plate on the back of our Kia Carnival."

Thus 4FXSAKES was born… and quickly rejected by the State of New York.

Probably not, but hey, you never know.

…

If you've got any ideas how these or any other license plates on the list came to be, email them to me: mattreigleoutkick@gmail.com