If you're the type of moderately respectable human who can appreciate the strong water pressure of a shower or the unmistakable smell of the inside of a high school football player's Neumann's, then you're likely also someone who remembers where you were when you received the life altering news that Milli Vanilli was a fraud, Hulk Hogan was ingesting more than vitamins and eating one hot dog could trim your life by 36 minutes. Those moved by the last fact are flooding social media with concern for American hero Joey Chestnut.
After a study found that devouring one hot dog can lessen a person's life by more than a half hour, competitive eating champ Joey Chestnut's vitals became Twitter users' soup de jour. Chestnut recently ate a record 76 hot dogs at this year's Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest within 10 minutes. Over the course of his 14-year championship ride, he has apparently shortened his life by about a month.
Though social media hasn't stopped calculating Chestnut's eventual hot dog induced demise, the competitive eater is taking the news in stride. Referencing the same report that detailed the cryptic hot dog statistics, Chestnut hitched his horse to the idea that one serving of nuts could add 26 minutes to his life, tweeting: "Interesting, I might need to eat more nuts to get time back. Or...Researchers at University of Michigan (who conducted the study) could be working for Russia."
When Chestnut's (hopefully long) time on Earth comes to an end, you can blame the hot dogs. Or you can do like Millli Vanilli and blame it on the rain.