Emily Elizabeth Is Still Destroying Turks & Caicos, Zac Taylor Hits The Bar To Deliver Game Balls & Vikings Dog Is Sad

Ok, I'm breathing and alive this morning

Survive and advance. That's all I can ask for from MY Bengals after a bloodbath, loser leaves town match against the Ravens. The national pundits of social media don't seem impressed by the Bengals victory (code for they didn't cover), but they quickly forget that the Bengals just had to beat John Harbaugh in back-to-back weeks. Granted, John didn't play many of his starters two weeks ago, but it was still two wins over a divisional opponent.

Now, there are clearly new offensive line issues for the Bengals heading into Buffalo, but the Bills defense just let the Dolphins drop 31 points on the road and if Miami had a coach that could've got a play call into his quarterback, it might've been Cincinnati hosting a divisional round game.

Here's my biggest takeaway from Sunday night's win:

• The Bengals now have more playoff wins over the last two years than they had during my formative years when I thought the Bengals had won 200 playoff games. You're damn right I'm going to enjoy life right now and let the degenerate gamblers claim the Bengals should be ashamed for being a dropped Hail Mary away from OT or a two-point conversion loss.

• John in SD writes:

Sending this as you’re recovering in the man cave. The Bungles survived a crazy one (and I’m glad they did). Hairball II proved to be just as much of an ass as his brother: arrogance and poor clock management lost the game for him. Bengals D needs to play better; yes they had the game winning TD, but that was more of an inexperienced qb play. Best part was the play of former Buckeyes players (to include Burrow; we know where he learned his craft).

Great kickoff to the playoffs, lots of great games. 

• Michael J. writes:

Wow! Bengals did not make it easy on you tonight! 


Between Ohio State and the Bengals, it's been an emotional roller coaster the last 2-3 months. Guys, this is why I tend to disappear in the summers. These days my brain and body can't take 12 months of investing my life in sports. It's actually refreshing for MY Reds to be a complete disaster so they don't turn me back into a 12-month sports fan.

Quick hitters:

• Shoutout to the Cincinnati radio station that dedicated its Friday lunch hour show to Jock Jams songs and Bengals fans yelling "Who Dey" as I was driving through the city on I-75 on my way to Louisville to pick up Nate J so we could catch the LSU-UK gymnastics meet.

• I'm talking straight goosebumps as I was crossing the chocolate milk Ohio River with the new Bengals practice dome off to the left and Paul Brown Stadium shining bright as a Jock Jam classic was pumping through the speakers.

• There's just something about the way "Hip Hop Hooray" hits as you're cruising through Cincinnati on the brink of the NFL playoffs.

• Hey Kentucky, think we could get those roads paved, especially on I-71 to Louisville? I never thought I-75 in Ohio would be better than a highway in Kentucky, but that's exactly where we're at in 2023.

• I need to get a group together for a bourbon distillery tour. No, I'm not turning into a Bourbon Bro. It just looks like it would be a great chance to get a 20-man bus trip together.

An anonymous friend of Screencaps will be thinking about this one for a few years

A buddy of mine who wishes to remain anonymous was telling me about his Saturday parlay that just missed. Now, I typically just zone out over this stuff because it's typical gambler speak. It reminds me of Steve, a guy I used to go to the horse track with. Steve was always one horse away from the most improbable trifecta.

This was a different story from my anonymous buddy.

Look at this insane 14-legger that missed by 19 Christian McCaffrey receiving yards. He ended Saturday's game with 2 catches, 17 yards and a touchdown.

McCaffrey had over 35.5 receiving yards in 8 games this season.


Are you looking to snag a Battery Daddy backup or did your wife forget to get you a Daddy for Christmas? There's great news

• Jon F. from right here in NW OH writes:

Bezos knows what the people want

Life comes at you fast, but Chili Dawg will rebound from his DUI arrest

It's like Chili Dawg was given to us by the true country performers who knew we needed a new Nashville icon, a guy who would live the outlaw lifestyle.

What's one thing every guy should own at least once before he dies

I asked this question Friday and let's just the inbox lit up like the scoreboard in the Seahawks-49ers game. Now, remember, this doesn't have to be an expensive car or boat. This is more about the experience gained or the rush associated with an item that men should experience once in their lifetime.

• Pete G. from Arizona writes:

Saw your question about what someone should own before he dies. Great question and I will assume you will get a great number of diverse answers.

For me I was always looking for that ultimate sports car. I started out owning a 1969 Mustang with a 351 cubic inch engine that I bought on my own while working as a dishwasher after I got my license. Man, I was thrilled I could afford a car.

What a burst of freedom that car brought me. I was a first generation American born from legal immigrant parents who immigrated here from the Netherlands and my Dad was a dairy farm worker his whole life. I then bought a what was at the time a bad boy 1977 Pontiac Firebird Trans Am (Smokey and the Bandit car) while serving my 4 year tour of duty in the U.S. Marines and had that car all the way through completing college.

From there I had a 1989 Pontiac Firebird Formula 350 and followed that with a 1994 Pontiac Trans Am. Even though that car was pretty awesome, knew something was still missing.

We had kids so the sports car thing really didn't make sense for a while there as kids in the back seat of a Trans Am is torture for the kids since they are too low to be able to see out of any window in the micro sized back seat. After the kids grew up, I went back to sports cars and got a 2009 Pontiac G8 GT since I had been on the Pontiac bandwagon but stupidly, GM killed Pontiac, so I followed that with a 2016 Chevrolet SS that has a Corvette LS3 engine (still have this car) and it is bad ass but I had never had a Corvette so knew that was something I still had to get.

For American cars, there really isn't anything at the level of a Corvette. I felt I had to go get one before I kicked the bucket or so went and bought a 2021 C8 Z51 Corvette. Now my U.S. car fandom is complete. 

• Charles F. concurs with Pete from Arizona:

A Corvette.  I had to give mine up when baby came along and still miss the rush.

• Chris S. in Illinois writes:

This one is easy, and obvious-a riding mower/tractor.

• Marko from Boston writes:

I am a proud TNML Sticker carrier and thank you for your leadership on this great SC expedition! This is my second contact to you and the SC community.  Let me start by saying that I've had a pretty privileged upbringing, from Charlestown, Boston MA.

Blue collar hard working family but I'd call it a privileged life so far. 2nd generation American from Sicily and I consider myself American/ Italian, not the other way around! The question, 'one thing every man should own before death.'

Before my answer you need to know that my brothers and I are just coming off a new boat summer, (2022 R360 Robalo w/ Triple 400hp Merc's) We worked hard for it and the thing is sick. Goes 65mph thru Boston Harbor all Spring and Summer long!

Enough gloating but I think it puts me at a particular vantage point for the very question you pose. It may be a little 'outside' of standard thinking for this question but I think when you boil it down, the most sought after item to own would be an appreciating asset.  (sorry to burst your bubble on Planes/Jets, sick vehicles, etc...)

Those are all awesome but at the end of the day, what is better than an asset that pays for itself and grows your financial leverage?  What would make you sleep better each night is the question.  A sweet Ferrari/collectible or a successful rental property? Pretty obvious, right? That's your answer because the latter actually gives you the ability to allow the others to become possible.  Strive for that and sleep well!

God Bless You Joe and God Bless America! 

• Mike J. writes:

First time reader, long time emailer.  I've enjoyed your column over the years and though I can't mow on Thursday's due to kids' soccer practice, I felt like chiming in here (and still consider myself a TNMLer).  I know it's not for all, but I think a motorcycle is something every man should own before they die. 

Even for a short time because the experience of riding a bike is unlike any other driving experience.  You notice the speed, the smells, the temperature changes on a bike you rarely if ever notice in your car/truck/suv.  Even if you have the windows down. 

Another book entry - A History of the World in 6 Glasses by Tom Standage

• Ron L. in Georgia writes:

I think any avid golfer should at least once in their life get professionally fitted and spend however much on a high end set of clubs.  Be it an expensive driver or a set of irons.  Don't buy off the shelf, spoil yourself at least once on this.  

 I did last spring and not only did it help my game, having new expensive (for me) clubs raised my confidence on the golf course. Now I *think* I have the ability to go low even after 12-15 beers!! 

• JD in Wichita writes:

What’s One Thing You Should Own Before You Die?

While owning a luxury watch may not be everyone’s thing, it certainly is for many. Here is an idea for the budget conscious in this arena. I always told myself I would buy a Rolex when I turned 50.

I checked new Rolex prices and immediately thought, “Well, maybe when I’m 55.”

Then I thought it might be cool to find one as old as I am. With some meticulous internet work, I found a very nice 1968 Rolex Thunderbird for far, far less than new. And now I have a nice story to tell whenever folks remark on the watch. It’s as old as me, certainly looks better, and with care, always will.

• John D. in Houston writes:

Hands down.  It's a good pocket knife.

My father gave me one when I was in junior high.  (So pumped at the time.  He always had one with him, and I loved and respected the man.)

How many times have I cut or stripped a wire, trimmed a thread from a ladies dress, had to clean my fingernails in a hurry, open a box, scrape something off something, loosened/tightened a screw, pinned something down temporarily, quick scoring on sheetrock, etc. etc. etc.

I have traveled (US and international) for many years.  Even after 9/11, I carried a small Swiss Army knife with me.  It's stainless steel and plastic, so it went through many airport checkpoints across the globe without alarm.  (I have lost 2 or 3, but you learned which airports had the most sensitive metal detectors.)

And my wife and a few close friends have come to depend on me to have my knife when they need it.

Also, it's great for learning how to sharpen a knife.

The lib libs have done it this time

• Harvey D. writes:

Hey Joe, 

In response to the greenies, libs, ESG idiots,whatevers,  trying to outlaw gas stoves, a gunshop in South Carolina has introduced this: Now if we can only get them to make a Fuck Joy Behar one, that would be epic!

Deep thoughts with Bill H.

• Bill is back with a few takes on a variety of topics, so I'll let Bill have the floor:

"If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull$#!÷"

Yes, you would attribute that to our elected representatives, but it also applies to your reading prowess.

Find Great Illustrated Classics and read the classics, like Moby Dick, in an evening. BAM!

Current read: 'False Alarm' by Bjorn Lomborg

On the list for now:

1984, Atlas Shrugged,  Boenhoffer, Slash (autobiography), Apocalypse Never, The Flying McCoys

What was Joe doing with all of those classified documents, kindling, birdcage liners, fish wrappers,taping off paint jobs, training pads for his new pups? We will never know.

Remember that we should always be preparing for our hereafter, but you better well pay attention to the here and now.

Once-in-a-lifetime events

• Mike T. writes from Europe:

You know Cindy aT and I love to travel, this is one of our favorite things we’ve ever experienced.

The Royal Military Tattoo in Edinburgh Scotland.

Held over 3 weeks in August, preferred at the castle of Edinburgh, the Royal Military Tattoo is the premier drums and pipes event in the World.

You have to buy the tickets the moment they are available for sale, it sells out in minutes. Tickets in hand, we arrived at the castle well before the show tome 7 pm. The arena is built below the castle and holds 10,000 folks. Being that we are early and no entryway till right before the show, we go to one of many many Scottish pubs in the neighborhood.

Over the local brew €3 each, they don’t hose ya. We met 3 local Scott’s who have come to the Tattoo together for over 30 years. 15 minutes before the show starts the gates open and everyone fills in to their seats in quick and quiet order. The shows outside right below the castle and the sun in beginning to set and your toasty from the brew, no liquor in the show.

Exactly at 7, you hear the pipes and drums as well as see they and the dancers enter the arena from the castle. Goosebumps!

Different groups from throughout the world preform, it’s the highest honor in the pipes and drums , dance world. Spectacular show 90 minutes with the grand finale with the whole stadium arms interlocking signing “ Auld Lang Syne” a Scottish tradition.

Unbelievable wonderful, tears in our eyes, we make it to the bar and drink the night away with new friends.

That's it for this morning. I have material for another 2-3 posts, but I have to stay on schedule this morning.

Go give 'em hell at work and put in another productive day of life.

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

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Written by
Joe Kinsey is the Senior Director of Content of OutKick and the editor of the Morning Screencaps column that examines a variety of stories taking place in real America. Kinsey is also the founder of OutKick’s Thursday Night Mowing League, America’s largest virtual mowing league. Kinsey graduated from University of Toledo.