Drunk Taylor Swift, Bad Boy Skip Bayless & Border Patrol Makes Fake Tom Glavine World Series Ring Bust

Leaves, Christmas lights, football and driveway fire kind of Saturday

Why was I up at 5:30 this morning to pump out Screencaps for you guys? You might remember 3-4 weeks ago when I was whining about how the leaves were completely green, not remotely in the mood to fall and how the end of November would be brutal when the convergence finally hit.

We've made it to that Saturday. My patio tree is about halfway done dropping leaves, but at this point, I have no choice but to haul ass trying to get leaves finished as best I can before the city makes its final lap with the leaf sucker.

The problem: Michigan State-Ohio State is at noon today and will take four-plus hours. I love my employer -- Fox Corp. -- and how it pays my bills via this job, but these kickoffs leave very little time for the weekend chores so here I am at 7 a.m. pumping out content earlier than a weekday because I'm up against the clock here.

The Christmas lights need to go up, garden beds need to be cleaned out, Busch Lights need to be sucked down, I need to get the mower on the yard one final time. Talk about up against the clock here.

Suburban moms are stressing over whether Amazon will have toys. I'm over here sweating the city leaf vacuum schedule.

Million-dollar idea: Leaf vacuum truck app where you pay $10 to track that damn thing like an Uber.

$10 bucks a year and you use it for approximately three weeks, but it'd be so worth it. I'd say the No. 2 topic amongst people walking by the house this time of year has to do with the location and timing of that leaf sucker.

100% guys would be sitting on the toilet watching that tracking device like my dad watches the Weather Channel radar in the winter to see how much snow Ohio is getting while he's living at Marco Island.

• Quickly moving along because I have to fire up the leaf blower...there were multiple turkey/spatchcocking emails.

Let's get through these FAST...I have to get in the yard!

Mike T. in Idaho writes:

When you want to know bbq you call the man , Malcolm Reed!

• Rory M. wants to help with your spatchcocking:

Brine all poultry, always.  There are decent ones you can buy.  I tried the Sweetwater Spice Holiday Turkey Bath last year and it was decent.  Going with Meat Church Bird Bath this year.  Test run on spatchcock chicken this weekend.

They're pretty much salt, sugar, and whatever seasonings you like, so very simple to do your own.  Just make sure the brine is back to cold after heating/mixing in ingredients.

This is a good video for an easier way to spatchcock other than cutting the spine out with shears or a cleaver. 

Plus, this way all you're left with is an almost entirely edible bird you can pull apart with your hands.

• 'MES' (new emailer) wants to help:

Spatchcocking is the way to go if you are smoking a turkey. Cooks evenly all the way around. Also, try the Michael Symon cheesecloth method check out this video. Juiciest turkey you will have with great color on the skin.

• Brent S. simply emailed a URL for turkey spatchcocking advice:



• That should take care of turkey cooking suggestions. It sounds like deep-frying turkeys is old news. Let's get moving along...the kids want a donut and I have to fire up yard tools.

• Brett G. in MO stepped up to show his classy bar and says he's typically a beer guy who sucks down a few Sam Adams winter lagers this time of year and a Crown & diet during the week.

On the weekends I like an old-fashioned or two. You need a bourbon 90 proof at least. I like many of them and usually switch them out when I empty a bottle. But I always have Four Roses small batch. It's a great bourbon for the price.  Please Joe, no red cherries in there. Black only and my favorite is the Filthy brand.  Half the sugar of most recipes and some orange muddled in. Stir please. No shaking. 

For vodka I generally just drink Grey Goose on the rocks with lemon. My wife likes Titos in her mixed drinks. 

Tequila for me is neat and Roca Patron or Don Julio are nice.

But after a really good day, you know what I mean Joe, a really really good day. The birth of a child, that child's wedding, an anniversary, the Chiefs winning the super bowl... There's nothing like a couple of fingers of JW Blue. We're here to enjoy events like this as much as we can. That's what life is about right?  I advise everyone, treat yourselves every once in awhile, and enjoy it while you can.

• What an excellent reminder from Brett -- treat yourselves every once in a while.

And that's exactly what I plan on doing later today once these leaves and Christmas lights are finished. It's going to be a real war out there -- 29-degrees this morning -- but my mind is in a great place right now. I am focused on the goals and it'll feel great to suck down some pure November air. I'll make sure to crack a Busch Light -- Shiner sent in seltzers to review, so I'll mix in a few of those -- in honor of Brett and all the other great Screencaps readers.

Let's get out there and attack another Saturday...before Michigan State-OSU kicks at noon.

OK, I have to take the kids on a donut run. Have a great day and I'll see you tomorrow morning. That's right, I'm firing up Sunday Screencaps because the emailers have overloaded the system and I need to pump these out before we kickoff Thanksgiving week.

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

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Written by
Joe Kinsey is the Senior Director of Content of OutKick and the editor of the Morning Screencaps column that examines a variety of stories taking place in real America. Kinsey is also the founder of OutKick’s Thursday Night Mowing League, America’s largest virtual mowing league. Kinsey graduated from University of Toledo.