Dolphins With Thumbs Spotted Near Greece, Which Means Humanity’s Great Run On Top Is Winding Down

Well, folks: We've had a hell of a run as the planet's dominant species, but it looks like it may soon be coming to an end. A dolphin with what appeared to be thumbs was spotted near Greece, and I for one welcome our new aquatic overlords.

Researchers from the Pelagos Cetacean Research Institute spotted an unusual dolphin two separate times last summer—one with odd-shaped fins that appeared to have a thumb.

While the thumb was chalked up to a genetic defect, however, the dolphin was able to keep up with others and was observed "swimming, leaping, bow-riding, playing."

That fin is only kinda-sorta a little thumb-like, but within a few generations, we could see a full-on digit.

This is troubling. Very troubling.

Dolphins Are Nothing Without Hands... And Thumbs

For years, I've heard about how smart dolphins are. I never really believed it. How smart could they be? They have to breathe air yet at some point decided the best course of action was to live full-time in the water. That doesn't hit me as particularly bright.

One time I even swam with dolphins and didn't even leave with a strong impression of their smarts.

Wow, they can do tricks in exchange for fish. Brilliant.

I always believed that the biggest thing holding dolphins back was the lack of hands. Even the smartest dolphin in the world wouldn't pose a threat to humanity without hands. More specifically, thumbs.

Thumbs are important for manual dexterity as well as Fonzie impressions, activities — thankfully — outside of a dolphin's wheelhouse... for now.

Do you see where this is headed?

The Simpsons have made more than a few predictions that turned out to be accurate over the show's 700+ episodes.

So, allow me to direct your attention to the third segment of Season 12's Treehouse of Horror XI entitled "Night of the Dolphin."

Now imagine if those dolphins had thumbs.

Unfortunately, we may not need to imagine in the not-so-distant future.

Someone let the climate alarmists know. Instead of getting worked up about Earth being uninhabitable in hundreds or thousands of years, how about worrying about the real threat to mankind: dolphin thumbs.

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