I’m pretty sure I have the biggest boobs in the history of the world.
Ok, so technically that’s a lie. You won’t be finding me in the Guinness Book of World Records anytime soon, but for about 2 seconds it was very much a reality. This is my (anonymous) confession. In light of the news story this week depicting a young woman from TCU revealing her lovely lady lumps on the big screen at AT&T Stadium, I thought it time to relive- and retell- my story. It was me: I was the coed at the Texas A&M vs Arkansas game in 2009 with a serious wardrobe malfunction on the largest high definition video screen in the world at that time.
Yup. That’s right. Approximately 71,872 people saw my boob on JerryWorld’s big screen that day according to ESPN’s attendance records. Since they aren’t the most credible source these days, I’d say a better approximation might be 12 million people. (That’s an exaggeration, but it definitely felt like there were 12 million people pointing and laughing at me at that moment in my life, so it’s accurate in my mind.)
At this point, any girl reading this is probably wondering how this happened and if/how I recovered from this traumatic and emotionally scarring event, while the guys are focused on the fact that I used the singular and not plural form of the word boob. No, I don’t have a congenital condition. Apparently just my girl on the right decided it was the day for her coming out party. Her breast-utante, if you will.
There’s not much to say about the time leading up to the incident. The day started out as so many do. I borrowed a friend’s “Gameday Dress” to wear for the big game. Unfortunately, I will realize later in the day that strapless wasn’t the way to go. We tailgated a bit before the game, and I may have had a few beers. My friends and I had incredible seats close to the sideline so, being the red-ass Aggies that we are, of course we made friends with the cameraman. The game starts off well. The Aggies are actually ahead at the end of the 1st quarter! When the 2nd quarter came around, we began to lose our excitement as the pigs took the lead. Aggies had the ball and were making this drive count as they entered Arkansas territory, but penalties killed us and we were forced to punt. It was becoming a roller coaster of optimism and letdowns. Then something happened… the punt returner fumbled the ball and we recovered it at the Arkansas 12! We were in prime scoring position and everyone was going crazy in the stands. We were jumping up and down, celebrating the turnover that would get us back in the game. Our friend, the cameraman, did as he promised and got us on the big screen.
That’s when it happened…
As I was trying to defy gravity with my excessive celebratory jumping, the right side of my dress decided gravity should win and started to fall down, pulling my strapless bra with it. It’s science, really. But no amount of science or logic could have helped what was going on in my frantic, scrambled mind. My inner monologue went something like this: “Yes, we got the ball! We are still in it, this is our season! I’m so excited! Oh my gosh! My friends and I are on the big screen!! This is so aweso…. OH MY GOSH MY BOOB.” I felt a draft as the dress slipped down, and I watched it happen on the gigantic HD jumbotron in front of me. Immediately, I covered myself and pulled the dress up to its rightful position. I was hoping/praying/expecting that no one saw anything. It happened so quickly! There’s no way people saw anything. At all. My friends, the angels that they are, consoled me for a good part of the game. This included taking my phone away to shield me from all the text messages I was getting from friends at the game. Apparently- against all my hopes- they did see my boob, and they wanted confirmation that it was me they saw flashing the entire stadium. I tried to remain as calm as possible, keeping my celebrations to a minimum in case my girl on the left tried to get her 15 seconds of fame, though this wasn’t a huge issue considering the outcome of that game. We lost by more than I care to remember, but losing my top has been impossible to forget.
Me in my game day dress moments before the incident.
I spent the better part of the next few weeks on the internet: searching Youtube, message boards, Twitter, and any other type of outlet Google could think of as I attempted to do damage control. I was mortified that it really happened and at any second someone could post “that video of the coed at JerryWorld” or a picture of the screen at the moment of the incident. What if my parents saw it? What if future employers see it and remember me when I walk in for that first real job interview? I wanted to DIE of humiliation and shame.
Thankfully, no photographic or video evidence ever surfaced. It took a while for me to recover from the horrific event, but 4 years later I can say that while I am not proud that this happened, I am no longer ashamed or even embarrassed by it. I can look back and laugh with friends who were there to witness the day my boob became famous.
So here’s to you, young Horned Frog fan. You are not alone. Use this as a life lesson, an experience that will make you stronger.
Silver lining: it seems that everyone thinks you are beautiful. That’s a win. Hopefully, you will only have to remember this once every four years when another young lady reveals herself in Jerry’s temple.