Joe Kinsey
Videos by OutKick
Observations from a nice night on the patio
Yes, I watched about 20 minutes of the Vietnam-USA women’s World Cup match and I was thoroughly bored. Megan Rapinoe’s work in the box was horrendous during that 20 minutes of action and the Vietnam chick who went down acting like she’d been shot in the leg deserved an Oscar. The trainer brought out the spray these soccer nerds claim solves their pain with one spray and the play continued.
Thoughts:
- You’re damn right it’s weird watching fans in New Zealand dressed like they’re hunkering down for an early November Big 10 nooner. I’d forgotten that it’s winter Down Under.
- I wasn’t sure if Rose Lavelle’s shorts were just pulled up real far or if this is her thing. Turns out it seems like it’s her thing.
- Is this appointment television? Not at all. There wasn’t exactly a vibe associated with watching that game. My text group wasn’t exactly on the edge of their recliners.
- Mrs. Screencaps bought the chocolate-infused marshmallows and I wasn’t sure how those would go. Turns out they were actually better than buying everything separately and then having wrappers all over the place. “Saved a step,” she said after hammering her first smore of the night.
- I can’t believe how cool it was last night for the middle of July. The fire actually felt nice which is unheard of this time of year.
- The dog might sleep till noon after all the running she did. You could throw the tennis ball 800 times and she’d just keep going.
- Yellowjackets interfered with our dinner. It’s becoming a real issue. Bastards.
- You can buy dive sticks at the pool store for the kids or grab golf balls out of the bag for them to dive for. I’ve found they really enjoy the golf balls, but I’m convinced one of them is going to get drilled in the head one of these days.
Boy, the raccoon conversation really took off this week
In case you missed it, John in Houston WENT TF OFF on the lady who carried a pet raccoon onto a flight. He explained how his chickens are constantly being offed by the raccoons and how he’s waged an all-out war on the bastards.
• Bones writes:
I don’t know if you’ve got a sheriff for this community, but I’d like to nominate John in Houston. He doesn’t play.
• Kevin in Toboso says:
As a farmer and turkey hunter I too share John in Houston’s hatred of racoons. On our farm this year I have whacked 27 and made the buzzards around here very happy. Disease ridden vermin need seriously thinned. Having one for a pet just shows the world you are a dope.
• Chris B. in Florida and I think North Carolina writes:
John in Houston will appreciate this:
About 10 years ago, our county was sold that BS jive about trap-neuter-release for the abundance of feral cats we were seeing after the housing collapse. I had to (1) make an appointment to pick up two traps on the appointed day, (2) set them, (3) drop them off at the “Animal Control Department” in the morning, and (4) pick them up that afternoon.
I did 1 through 3, and when I got to the pound the intake person said “That’s a raccoon, not a cat.”
“It’s your trap, you deal with it,” I said.
“We’re just gonna euthanize it,” he said.
“It’s vermin. Go for it,” I said.
He took it from me and I was driving home when the “director” called.
“You brought us a raccoon,” she said.
“It’s your trap,” I said. “If you people did your job, I wouldn’t need it.”
“We’re just going to euthanize it,” she said.
“Good,” I said.
“You can’t bring us anymore,” she said.
I had another suggestion, but she didn’t seem interested.
And that, Joe, is why I can’t go back to the pound.
• Dave M. writes:
Hey buddy, my old boss used to have a pet raccoon. as you can guess, the boss man was a bit odd. all in all a nice pet who used to run around the house and act like a cat. only kept it a year or so and got rid of it once he heard you could get a big fine for keeping them as pets. can confirm, he never took it on a plane.
• Jeff M. writes:
Couldn’t agree more with John in Houston, raccoons, though cute, are a menace to those of us with chickens. Had one get in with our 2 broody hens last summer, killed the hens and left them, ate maybe 2-3 eggs and destroyed the other 20. Luckily got stuck in the wire getting out so it had a really bad morning courtesy of my 12 gauge. I used to feel a little bad shooting them, now I picture that scene and don’t feel bad at all.
On Amish with cell phones, I live east of Cleveland in a large Amish community. Funniest thing in my life the first time I saw a guy driving a buggy talking on a smart phone (takes some talent and well broke horses). We do a lot of business with them and email is almost the preferred communication for them. Have to wonder what it was like when some of them discovered Google for the first time. End of the day they’re no different than us, just a bit behind technologically, but at least in many orders they’re catching up.
• Ridge Runner writes:
Just reading your column, dude is right about the racoons. They kill chickens and rip ’em apart for the hell of it. Worse, we had I assume one break into our pen where we keep our peafowl, ripped our prize peacock Porter up horrible and drug him through the fence. I trap ’em and dispatch ’em. But we’ve largely alleviated the issue with Trudy, our 120 lb Dogo Argentino, who LIVES to catch coons. Or possums or frogs or deer or turkeys or whatever. Check out Dogos, truly a Franken dog.
And finally, re. leaving stuff on your vehicle, I came home from LA with a brand new Mac laptop, set it on my tire (I have huge tires on the Great White Buffalo, F250 diesel lifted to 7 feet tall) while I loaded up my stuff, and ran smack over it, crushed it. Brand new.
On people constantly begging for you to buy a square, liquor, laundry detergent or a drink for them for getting married even though you don’t have a clue who they are
• Greg OC from Sun City says:
Hey Joe – hope all is well. Great content on the ladies and today could be your best day ever. Truly an All-Star bunch!
Regarding the Travel Ball & Funding, I cannot agree with you more. It is nice that some of these parents envision their kids going thru to College and maybe some type of Pro Ball. But the general public should not be the ones to fund those events.
I made minimal contributions to those types of golf outings benefiting travel ball since I believed in donating to groups like 9-11 charities and scholarship funds. I have two daughters that were on school cheerleading teams from Pop Warner thru High School. When they were fortunate to qualify for Regional Competitions, we funded those trips.
Folks should use you as a template for their town leagues where kids can enjoy the game. I commend you for doing what you did this year. Just stay with kids – I coached adults in Softball Leagues and that was interesting. Especially the ridiculous beers and brain cells destroyed over 40 years!
Song list that will infuriate the wokes
• Ridge Runner took a stab at this one:
Hi, Joe, Michael B asked for a playlist along the lines of Aldean’s song, so I dashed this off.
Fightin’ Side of Me–Merle Haggard
Red, White and Blue–Lynyrd Skynyrd
Am I the Only One–Aaron Lewis
Ragged Old Flag–Johnny Cash
Frogman–Whiskey Myers
I Got Rights/Country Boy Can Survive–Hank Williams, Jr.
Born Free–Kid Rock
Courtesy of the Red White and Blue–Toby Keith
Born A Rebel/American Girl–Tom Petty
That was just the top of my head
Keep up the great work
It feels like this guy has a few things to get off his chest
Thanks to Millennial Chris B. in Bowling Green for sending in this one. Boy, that guy really screwed up by not mowing Thursday. He got out of rotation and he was mowing while the rest of the text group was making plans for Sunday golf and he never committed. We gave away his spot. Oh well.
Lesson learned millennials.
But this is a great sighting. I love this stuff. Really challenges the mind.
That’s it. I’m out. It’s beautiful outside and I just want to inhale the outside air this time of year.
Have a great weekend.
Email: joekinsey@gmail.com
Dallas area folks are weak! #DryAir We do that no prob with humidity. #HoustonArea
One of my favorite memories is drinking with John Daly at a Bennigan’s after a round at The International. Dude bought a round for the bar and was just fantastic to talk to. Spent the whole night ripping darts and keeping the bartender busy.